Yea, ok. I know I have been M.I.A - but I have been busy sleeping and being amazed by my bulging belly. It is getting huge I am convinced I am having twins or something.

Anyways, Hope you have a Merry Christmas and will have a fabulous but safe New Years. If I dont get here until Jan - see you in the new years!

Almost there.

So it is almost the last day here before year ends.
It seems like I will have to come in on the 28th but other than that we are almost there.

I have been waiting for today like you wont believe. I also had extra energy this morning to get out of bed. Normally, I have to kick myself out of bed - but today, it was sort of easier. I kept telling myself get up and get going and eventually I did.

Anyways, I am sort of excited to have a few days off. It will be nice to relax and just take it slow.

Of course, as I say this, I am well aware that I have yet to buy prezzies for J and get items for 24th dinner and 25th brunch party but that is easy enough, me thinks.

Okay, just finish this day and I will be okay.

I am so sick of being sick. Cant wait until month 4!

Friend

So I have known D since we were in grade 7 I think. I have kept in touch with her through all those years. She moved away from Bombay and we were still in touch and then I moved to Canada and we were still in touch and she moved to UK and we were still in touch. Until I think the start of this year. I have always answered every email she has sent me.

She was having some difficulties with her bf a few years ago and I would listen to her ranting. I have on numerous occasions chatted to her, while I was at work as she was having some crisis.

Then, when we were planning our trip to Italy, emailed her saying we might stop by on our way to Italy. I knew, she was busy with her in-laws so I was expecting a no, that time does not work for me. Instead, I got nothing. Nada. Atleast, have the courtesy to say "dont come". It would have been fine. I was already expecting it. I would understand it totally. But when you dont reply I get the feeling you are avoiding me.

On top of that, I got into trouble w/ J as he was expecting to stop by in UK. When I didnt hear anything from D, I assumed, I was not wanted, and didnt contact D further. I didnt tell this to J as what was I supposed to say "the person I have known for years, who I always make time for is avoiding me?"

Then, I did stop emailing her. Just the occasional 'hi' on orkut. She emailed me sometime back saying the same drawn out excuse I have heard a billion times. I was busy, got busy, in-laws just left, I am working blah blah blah. I did tell her I was pregnant and she mailed me a congratulations card. Which is fine and dandy but I think a little too less too late.

The reason why I am so mad is not because she got busy and didnt email me but because this is a pattern with her. She forgets I exist until she needs to talk or needs advice or is bored. I feel I do most of the work in this relationship and frankly, I am tired.

Then again, I dont have very many friends, so maybe I am the one messed up.

I like how now, instead of using the word "racial" everyone uses the word cultural.

The meaning ends up being the same - the effect is the same - it just sounds better, doesnt it?

My coworkers frequently talk about other "culturally" different people and frequently mention "cultural" differences in terms of food, weight, height and everything else under the sun but never mention race or racial differences.

I dont necessarily think they are being racists or shall I say culturalists...and not everyone does but I find that racism as traditionally defined (and you know no matter what we are calling it these days), is so hard to discern in this PC world. Atleast before it was open. If someone didnt like me because of my skin colour it was open, obvious and most of all I did have to work so hard to figure out why someone would say that or do that. I would not feel guilty of even thinking something along the lines of racism. It was obvious.

Now, while I think perceptions have changed some what and most people dont have the time to care who they are working with as along as the work is done, there is still a lingering effect, that many cant seem to let go. So then, in this PC world, comments are passed, things are said - but the victim then has to go through this thinking process that is tiring, daunting, frustrating and makes one feel guilty as hell to come to conclusion that what they are thinking is true, is correct but are they over thinking that or is it just that now the dagger of racism is wrapped in silk words, polite smiles and stabbed when you are not watching?

I dont know. Just something I noticed.

I will carry through it all.

I am a waterfall.


Yes, there I said it. Do what you want. I claim to be a waterfall and there is nothing you can do about it!

Too much.

I told my employer I was pregnant and they are now acting wierd.

In this day and age, I cannot believe I am under this much stress because I chose to procreate.

Just tell me God is watching over me - I know this is a busy season for him but I do wish he takes some time for me. If not for me, for jublet.

I am at a verge where I cannot take anymore stress.

I am so tired.

Really, all I dream about is sleeping. I dont want to do anything else other than sleep.

I told my employer about jublet. Meh, I dont care if I get fired or otherwise loose something in terms of work. I am too tired and sick to care.

No Manners!

Rude, Rude, Rude!


We went to see No country for old men, last night. Which is fantastic BTW! See it.

So we go and I find that ppl in theatres have no manners what so ever. Where are your basic manners?

We go in, find a seat, well before the movie begins. We make it a point to go before the movie begins, b/c basically, we dont like seeing movies once they have begun - but also - its unfair to other ppl who get there in time and get the seats and wait for the movie to begin. We have this couple come over - they are late. The movie has already begun and the guy is poking my back asking me if the seat is taken. I say no. He makes us get up - sits down and then, instead of watching the movie - his head is jerking towards the side to see if his partner was there. She comes and he is waving his hands - all the while the movie is going on, and then she comes over to sit. Fine. Its their right to seated like the rest of us.

Then, without giving too much away, there is scene where someone gets shot - the guy says loudly "oh my god". Yeah, did you really not expect that coming smart guy? Anyhoo, then half way through the movie someone's cell phone goes off and then someone is whispering shit.

This happens all the time. I find it so rude. I've had young girls exclaiming "oh my god look at the shoes", dropping drinks and giggling. I've had two wise guys, cracking up half way through Casino Royale - right when Mr. Bond is walking half naked, dripping water, looking super hot.

I've had ppl talking, like discussing grocery list while watching "The Pianist". I could go on. I just wonder if ppl leave all their basic manners when they enter the theater? Everything you have been taught goes out the window!
It is extremely rude to subject other ppl to this!

I am not asking for zombie mode -but atleast have the decency to show up on time, sit and turn off your cell phones. Have the decency to not discuss grocery lists or giggle loudly when you drop your drink. Am I being unreasonable? I think not.

Ewwwwww!

I dropped butter, or more correctly Margarine, on my pants.

Right on my crotch.

We ordered food today at work. I had ordered a bagel toasted w/ butter on the side. The butter had melted and as I opened the tiny container - it spilled on my pants.

I am such an idiot!

So right now, I have a scarf over my neck going all the way down - to cover my suspicious looking crotch!

How do I do these things?

i just found out that the other job opening with some other place that was a possiblity is not anymore.

Its disappointing and it feels like all the doors are slamming on my face.

Although, somehow I dont care. It doesnt matter. In the larger scheme of things its peanuts. Its like jublet within me has come along just at the right time. It almost doesnt matter where I work, if I work, if I want to work - nothing matters.

I am so happy with where I am right now that everything else is peanuts. And if the time comes when I actually might not have a job for whatever reason - I'll find something. I've always had the weirdest luck - it all works out for the best in the end and I find for me that is true more than anything else. Somehow, things fall into place and considering a lot things and taking into account all the people around me - I am lucky. It just kind of works out. Which is what will happen. So screw the world and let me focus on what I need to and want to more than anything else. Jublet! Which apparently is now the size of a cherry!

I want to cry

I've been wanting to cry for awhile, actually since last night. I havent yet. I dont plan to anytime soon.

I work as an LRO and am paid as a student. Yesterday, my employer offered me the right job and with very little increase in pay. I made me feel like crap. I do intend to bring this forward but still it hurts.

Anyways, will keep you updated on what happens.

I found out by mistake really, what cures morning sickness - dark chocolate. I was packing a piece of chocolate cake for J and put a bit in my mouth and viola, I felt better!

Really!

Ok, maybe this is common knowledge to everyone but I just found this out and I am sticking to it. I have more reason to eat dark chocolate - in moderation, of course!

Vegetarian

The thing about being a vegetarian and being pregnant is that you get asked to eat meat for the pregnancy.

To start from the start.

I've always been a vegetarian, ever since I was a child. So its not a fashion statement for me. Its not something I just picked up. Everyone I know, knows that I have never had any meat or eggs. NEVER.

So now that I am pregnant it is hard for me to get full nutrition for my jublet and still eat without wanting to throw up. My nausea at seeing spinach doesnt help either!

So, I am trying to drink lots of soy milk, eat lots of vegetables and beans to counter the lack of meat. Also, I am not completely convinced that meat helps all that much - you can easily substitute beans or tofu for protein!

I just hate when someone tells me casually, oh eat some meat and it will be alright. No it wont. First of all, I cant eat meat cause I've never eaten it. Ever. So its not like I will simply be taking up something I stopped. I never started!

Then, telling me to eat meat, casually, makes it seem like I am a bad person for not thinking this, I am bad mother for not thinking about jublet's needs. That is not how this is going to go down! I am very well aware of what I need to eat and am trying my best, but the nausea is not helping.

And also, BTW - my mom is not here. So its not like I get things handed to me. I have make things I want to eat and sometimes, the thought of cooking something makes me sick, even though I want to eat it and know that I should be eating it. (J, tries to help but the man has to work!) So, you telling me eat meat doesn't help!

So, the gist of this rant is I am trying my freaking best without any help and I am already stressed and tired and nauseous all the time and you calling me and telling me eat meat - pushes me over the edge, especially when I am already kind of on that line anyways. Thank you very much!

(BTW - the casual suggestion was put forward, in all her well meant kindness by none other than my mil. And I would have told her all this except I cant fight over the phone and was just too tired so I said yes, she was right and hung up)

So, I am not one of those women who go all girly and super baby obsessed. I dont think there is anything wrong with being that - its just not me. In fact, I wish it was me - cause I really think society expects that from you as a pregnant woman.

Anyhoo, just thought of this today. Its weird. I am happy, in fact I am super happy - but being a very practical person - I tend not to romanticize anything. I am the person who hates buying flowers on valentines day. I dont expect J to buy me flowers everyday or take walks with me in the moonlight. I dont. I dont crave it. I'd much rather take that walk by myself. Much rather buy those flowers for myself, if I wanted. It makes an interesting marriage as J is more of an romantic. This baby stuff is wonderful but its not the end all. It doesnt define me. It makes me happy but like a lot of women I know it doesnt complete me. Its weird. I wish I didnt feel this disconnected. But I cant change that. I can enjoy where I am and who I am. I just wish I was girly and bursting to buy baby clothes.

Partly, I think it is me wanting to get through the first 3 months. I think once that is done, I will become more 'pregnant'. But until that time - I need to be practical, I think.

Toast

I love toast.

As a child that used to be my favourite thing to eat. I like toast of any kind.

In India, the lack of a toaster forces people to toast a toast in the pan. So you heat the pan, put bread on it and let it toast a bit. Once it is toasted, you can do one of two things.
1) Take the toast out of the pan and butter it and gobble it.
2) Put butter on the toast and let it sit on the pan. This makes the toast buttery and brown and generally delicious.

I love toast that way. I used to eat it pretty much everyday at home.

I also love toast - toasted in the toaster. You toast it and then butter it when hot. So the butter melts and you have warm googy, buttery goodness.

But as I love toast. I also love toasting my bread in the toaster or the toaster oven, and letting it cool and then buttering it. So its crunchy and buttery.

I ate toast this morning. It was delicious.

Ok, apparently I am obsessed by this fake eyelashes girl. I have seen her several times and blogger about her here.

She was wearing fake eyelashes and they just look weird. Its too early, you are not Christina Aguilara and no one needs fake eyelashes first thing in the morning. I dont care who you are!

Seriously, one of these days I am going to follow her and see what she does for a living that requires her to wear giant eyelashes....

Wow, someone is feeling bitchy today!

Sick, sick, sick

I am too sick to eat anything. I feel soooooo hungry but the thought of eating grosses me out. I go through this grossing out of food every so often but right now I am dying to eat!

Its a bad combo. Plus, I have to make sure I eat healthy!

Yesterday, I couldnt down anything other than boiled rice. I know, not good for the baby but I think me puking everything I eat wouldnt be that good either. So - I ate some boiled rice and drank some soy milk. I had to force myself to drink half a glass of Soy.

I actually find that milk and cheese make me sick. I have always known I was slightly allergic to to both but the pregnancy is bringing the worst in me. I had some ice cream and some crackers and cheese on Saturday night and woke up early morning with sweat running down me, horrible (worst) stomach ache I have ever had and nausea like there is no tomorrow - I go to the washroom and think that the worse is happening. But no, I had horrible upset stomach all the while trying not to puke and wanting a glass of cold water. I somehow stumble back to bed - J is up wondering the same thing. Then, about half an hour later - I feel normal like nothing had happened.

Anyways, while I am not able to eat, I feel like eating butter fried bread and pickled turmeric. But the thought of eating them is making me sick. So you see I dont know what to do!

I am getting my brazilian wax today. I am apprehensive but also excited.

I figure might as well do it now before I get too big...

I am so hungry. Like I can eat a horse. Really. Doesnt matter what I eat - as soon as I am done eating I want to eat more. Like yesterday, I had dinner and then wanted to eat another dinner - its crazy!

And then, I saw my acupuncturist who was shocked that I havent given up tea for my pregnancy. I am Indian I drink tea - my only vice. Once a day with tonnes of milk and sugar - so shoot me!

Anyhoo, so I told her that I have been craving spicy food - and she said that was very unusual for pregnant women. Now I feel I am odd. Meh! who cares I will eat spicy food and drink my cha with it!

Dubai

I want to go to Dubai! I keep hearing about it from my family in India...

I seems fun. Lots of heat and tonnes of money.

Of maybe I just want to be in some place warm and sunny. I could totally do that right now. Hawaii, Mexico, India, Australia - whatever. Bring it on!

Hmmm, I keep waiting for my warm, flop around vacation - not that Italy wasnt fun. It was awesome and I am so glad we did that but I want to go and flop on the beach...

You cant have it all can you? Damn it!

I am going back

to the 90s that is.....apparently.

I have discovered the Stone Roses! They are freaking awesome. All I want to do all day is listen to them....

That and Oasis.

Is that wrong?

Well, I have been dying to blog. I started blogging to keep a record of my thoughts and me generally. Whatever I write is quite private. I treat the blog like my diary. That is why J doesnt know I have a blog and I would be miffed if he ever read it. Anyways.

Turns out, I am pregnant! I found out on Saturday. J was over the moon - I am terrified.

Yes, that is what I am absolutely terrified. Like deer in the headlights terror!

Now, I am hoping this is normal. If not, I dont know. All I know is the mere fact of pushing a human being out of me is bringing terror.

The other thing is me being a typical sagittarian, the thought of all this responsibility is bringing terror. I am not worried much about that part - I know I will be okay with it over time I just need it to marinate within me and it will be fine.

I went to see the Bee Movie, which was okay, and there were all these moms and kids and it was like a look into the future for me. The glazed eyes, the dishevelled hair, the crusts on the clothes...I'll be honest, it freaked me out a bit.


Partly, I think I just need to talk to someone about this. Someone who has had kids and gone through this whole thing. Once I talk to someone, it will be alright I think. I wanted talk to J's friend, Amy who has two kids. J wants me to talk to his mum. I like his mum and all but come on - the last time she was pregnant was in 1973. That is long time ago. We has also decided not to tell anyone until the first 3 months. Now, he wants me to tell his parents and my parents and all of india and I am still in the terror stage! The way I usually work is i let the terror be inside of me - let me be okay with all the terror and panic and once I am done freaking out - I will be okay. Its just the way I work and I told J exactly that and he did a typical boy thing and didnt listen to what I was saying. It irritates the hell out of me. He went on about how telling his mum would be great and all that, I partly agree, since my mum is nowhere close I would be good to have a mother figure - but I need time. And he doesnt seem to get it. I know why that is - he is 37 and was waiting for this to happen. I am 27 and dealing with this as a 27 yr old would. He is so excited and all he talks about is the child and what we have to do....

As I said, I am in the terror mode.

So, today we tell his parents. Which is whatever, I dont really care about the details right now. I am sick from wanting to puke and tired cause I cant seem to get enough sleep and the last thing I want to do is argue with a lawyer. Whateves. He wants to tell his parents go ahead be my guest - I know that in a matter to few weeks I will be okay.


Really being married to a lawyer is sometimes exhausting. You will never win an arguement and the opposing side will always make sense to you as it will be logically presented to you. After which, you will wonder what you were arguing about anyways.

So I met JC....
He seems like a nice guy. Very relaxed and very genuine. I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of ppl so we will see if this one works.
Good for my co-worker!


In other news, my bowl of strawberries disappointed me. Yes, strawberries in November should have been my first clue but I wasnt.
I took them out of the fridge this morning put them in my bag and took the bag with me.
I walking to the bus stop all the while thinking "I am going to eat you strawberries".
I got on to the bus and found a seat.
I peeked into my bag - looked at them - all red, juicy and waiting to be eaten.
I told them - "Just wait till I get to the office! Just wait".
My stop came and got out and started walking towards the office building and into the elevator to the 20th floor. Strawberries still waiting...and the thought of eating them bringing joy in my otherwise dull life.
I got into the office - threw my stuff on the chair and retrived the bag of strawberries.
Took them to the kitchen, washed them with care and then realized....some of them were squishy and brown and not entirely edible.

Damn stupid strawberries!

So, I get to meet my co-worker's husband (JC) that came from Mexico.

There is a whole back story that I am afriad of posting as there were problems with coming through the airport and immigration. Oh well, he didnt lie - told immigration Canada that he was in jail for smuggling pot into the States, completed his sentence and that now he has given his life to Christ and is dedicated to help others not kill themselves w/ drugs and so on.

After 2 hours of interrogation immigration Canada let him in. My co-worker and JC are now married. And I get to meet him today. This will be nice as I have heard about this guy for 3 months and now I can see him.

I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But lets hope this is a one legged problem and there is no other shoe.

I am bored I should go home and sleep.

ooops!

Apologies, I have been busy sleeping or hanging out eating cupcakes.

Really, this long weekend i didnt do anything special - just slept, ate and cleaned the house a bit.

I ended up going to the Diwali puja at the temple. Which was okay. It was a small affair - J's parents, his sis and the two of us. His sis's bf was supposed to join us but was called into work. So we went to the temple then came home to wait for him to go out to dinner. He calls at about 7 saying he will be on his way, then at around 8.30 calls again saying he was waiting for us to figure out where we were eating so that he could meet us there!

He eventually showed up by which time R (sis-in-law) was pissed off.

We ate at 9.30, by which time I wasnt even hungry. All of that was fine but he never even apologized for making us wait for so long. He has done that before, showed up late. But this was like waiting for him for 3 hours to eat and no sorry. I like him a lot but there seems to be something wrong with him. I dont know I always get the feeling that there is something he is not telling.

We also had dinner with the two of them R and her bf (whose name also starts with R, I will call him Rick) on Sunday. Anyways, R was talking about babies and diamond rings, obviously wanting to get there. I think from what I can gather, is that Rick is ready to go down that path but not right now and seemed so uncomfortable when R mentioned the rings and babies. My head was going "Ekkkk, stop talking about this as your bf clearly doesnt seem to be comfortable with this conversation". Anyways, ever since I first met Rick, I have had this feeling and everytime I spend more time with him, it seems to get stronger and stronger....

I like him but I dont know. Anyways, I hope everything works between the two of them and that I am just paranoid.

Italy - Part 5

Venice!

Okay, Venice was the last stop in Italy. We were there only for 2 nights mainly because the hotels were super expensive. Like 480 euros for 2 nights expensive.

That was mainly because we stayed in San Marco instead of staying the mainland. Now that was partially b/c it was going to be the last stop and b/c we didnt want to take the Vaporatti back and forth each day.

In the end, it all worked out. So we got to Venice by train from Florence. We had to double back to Florence from Lucca - which was not the end of the world as the train ride was fun. Anyhoo, got to Venice by train and took the vaporatti to San Marco. Our hotel was nutty and super cool (well, it had better be given the price!) Anyways, the hotel was decorated with Thai and Indonesian carpets and furniture and music was filtered in our room. It was fun.

So the first evening we set off on a treasure hunt to find glass bead jewellery. On the way we saw this church with exhibit on Violins and selling concert tix. As church attendance is low and Venice is trying to re-build its art scene there are classical concerts in churchs all over Venice. We got tix for the next night.

So from there we set out on foot to find glass beads. We decided to walk as taking a vaporatti would have been expensive as hell. So we walked towards the Accademia Bridge and towards the Peggy Guggenheim museum. And we found glass beads! (I forget the name of the artist, but he is pretty famous as his family has been doing this forever. We bought jewellery from his wife). I bought a necklace and earrings and bought earrings for my sister and sister-in-law. Man they were expensive. As soon was we paid for it - I had jelly legs. I couldn't walk. I got over that soon as the jewellery itself was exquisite.

After spending that much dough - we decided to get something to eat. We ran into this crazy place which had pizza but it had a really thick crust. Like about an inch and had all kinds of toppings. We looked at it and were kind of iffy...but we thought what the hell, we'll get a slice each and hope for the best. And it was delicious! I can remember where this place was, it was just a tiny place that catered to students but the food was delicious.

The next day we of course did San Marco. It is beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. Highly recommended. The church is beautiful. There is also a treasury in there - go in there. It is fascinating. After San Marco, we went to the Peggy Guggenheim museum since we thought we shd do something different than the same art. I am glad we did that. It has some amazing collections, absolutely go see them.

Our last evening in Italy we went to the classical concert that we had tickets for. It was an awesome way to end our trip. What better way to say good bye to Italy by spending an evening listening to masters of classical music?

In my experience, Venice was crazy expensive. I mean everywhere we walked we saw Prada and Gucci stores. And everything costs so much. My favourite cities have to be Florence and Naples. Both are so beautiful. So lovely and full of live and character. I will always have good memories of them.

I have to say, I am glad we did Italy. Nothing disappointed us. Italy is a beautiful country - it truly is. There is so much culture, so much history and so much pride. This trip to Italy will always be with me. The people are so nice, so understanding, so proud and so helpful. The food - well, what can I say? Whatever I say will not do justice so, well, I am not going to say anything. Coffee - I am in love with Italian Caffe Latte.

If you are thinking of going to Italy and have doubts - I would say go. Go and do your own thing. Dont take those tours, you dont need to. Go and experience Italy for what it is.

And for godsake, try food that you wouldnt normally try! Go out of the tourist centres and order something different. We took this Italian to English book for food. So reading menus was pretty easy and we got to eat some delicious food that we would never have eaten otherwise. When looking for food we always went into restaurants with no English menus and that served us well.

Oh, I love Italy!

On a serious note...

Today for the first time I want to quit my job without even looking for a new one.

Until now, I have been thinking - oh, will definately quit when I find a new job, whatever it is. Now I have hit rock bottom cause I just want to quit. I do. I dont care that I will not get paid anymore, my self esteem will be nowhere to be found, I will be miserable b/c of no pay but will be happy cause I dont have come here.

Oh God! What am I to do?

I am in a sticky situation. I need to keep my job as without it I will be completely dependant on J. I have been there before and let me tell you, its not fun. I dont ever want to be at a point where I am completely dependant on someone. So I have been avoiding that senario until today.

Now I feel I just want out whatever the cost!

I hate being here. I love my workmates but hate the prospect of answering one more damned question from my clients. I - just - hate - it.

I hate that I am getting paid as a student inspite of not being a student and pretty much holding this sinking ship afloat. Yes, that gives me a good bargaining position but the reality is I dont want to work here. So, me trying to secure a permanent position is just trapping myself in. I cant make myself do that. And, yet, I know what I have to do now - I have to go for that permanant position b/c I have looked everywhere I havent found anyone to hire me. I just cant keep hoping to get by. I need the money and if with that money comes the trap then so be it.

The only way and I mean the ONLY way all of this would be bearable is if I were pregnant. I would be happy. It would give some meaning to my miserable work life. I will justify working here b/c I will have a child to take care of. That is not happening. Granted its only been like 2 months of trying but I makes me sad.

Part of me wishes to be a housewife from when women werent expected to work. Whenever that was. I wouldnt be in this position. How awful is that?

I have even thought of going back to school but even that seems like a stupid move, cause then, not only I am not working and not getting paid but I am raking up even more student loans.


I am sorry to bring such a downer of a post but I promise I will write about Venice soon!

Work

So my co-worker, the racist or mildly racist one is talking to herself. I can hear her. There is a reason for this.

While she was in Mexico helping her step-mom runn a christian mission, she met someone. This guy who I will call JC, also works at the mission. Anyways, that was a few months ago. They met and fell in love.

JC is now coming here to be with her. She is paying for him to get his passports, get his tix and all the other neccessary things. She doesnt make much but she is doing all of this. This is why she is talking to herself. I think it is sweet. I am so happy for her. I hope everything works out well for her. She has had such a hard life.

From what I can gather, her father was abusive - she had not so good childhood. Grew up to be a stripper, did drugs, lived on the streets and then one day she found God and completely did a 180 degree turn. She is awesome at her job, volunteers all available time to the church, buys food for the homeless she runs into, gives her cell phone number to women living on the street in case they want to make a change, looks after her grandkids, and is now looking forward to being with her new man. She is one of my heroes. I think it takes a lot of courage in doing what she has done.

Is there anyone you admire?

Italy Part 4

Lucca

I dont have any pictures of Lucca without me or J in it and I am tempted to put a picture of myself but since I am trying to give myself away I hestitate. Then again, very few ppl read this blog and so I have nothing to worry about....I dont know....

Anyways, to Lucca. It is a small town in Tuscany, not very far from Florence. We took the train from Firenze to Lucca. This was one of the local super slow trains, unlike the Eurostar we had taken before. So it stopped on all stops. It took an hour and a half to get to Lucca. The train station is outside the city wall. Yes, Lucca has a city wall. The walls are more like gardens where you can walk, shop, bicycle and so on.

Getting out of the train station, we walked to the city wall and towards our B&B. It was not a very long walk.

There is very little to do in Lucca. We decided to rent bicycles and go around the city. It was so much fun! I hadnt been on a bicycle before that for like 9 years or so. So the first time I got on it - I was wobbling all over. J was like a pro, I was hesitant but did okay I think. We spent most of the time either doing this or washing our laundry. We had no clothes at this point. Anyways, we found this laundromat that played really good American Rock! So it was fun.

We also shopped for a bit. I bought some Olive Oil and Jitesh bought himself a leather bag. It cost an arm and a leg like 220 euros worth of arms and legs! But he loves it and I think he deserves a little (or big) treat!

Food was okay here. We found this one place not far from the B&B and the food there was good. The next evening we went walking to find a place to eat and it was disappointing. We ordered Pizza, a salad and something else. Remember we had just got from delicious pizza eating experience from Florence and the Pizza at this place was gross. Like pre-made, frozen pizza that tasted like punishment!

Oh well.

From Lucca our next and last Italian stop was Venice.

I am super horny right now!

Better make a baby this month!

Its Halloween, I am too busy to write anything as I am eating Candy. This should do....

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

Italy Part 3

Florence or Firenze


Of all the places I have ever been and will ever be - Florence will always be my favourite. There is something about that city - it is the calm of the city, the winding streets, the buildings and the people. I am in love with Florence.

From Naples we took a 4 hour train ride to Florence. Florence is a wonderful city. It is just beautiful. Even if you dont do any site-seeing, just walking on the streets of Florence will be site seeing enough. It has all the makings of a romantic holiday! Cobble stoned streets, old buildings, wonderful winding streets, beautiful piazzas and delicious gelato. What more could you ask for?  


You can walk to one of the many bridges on the River Arno to just, well, hang out or sit in a cafe doing nothing. Let Florence work its charm on you.

  

The first day we got there we went to see the Duomo. It is hard to not see the Duomo just cause it is huge. It is a must. The inside is beautiful. There are free tours given by students. We met this awesome guy who was from US and gave his tour which was awesome! Duomo was awesome. Also, You can also go up the dome. The climb is about 400 steps and if you are claustrophobic - you might want to not do it. It wasnt too bad but if there are lots of tourists then - certainly you can get breathless. There are two levels to the dome. Level one takes you closer to the Frescoes on the dome and level two will take you even closer. The final walk is on top of the dome looking out at the city. Go up. Really, it was well worth it.

After doing the Duomo we walked around Florence and you have to do that. Florence is a city like no else. There is culture, beauty, art, history and a pulse - all together every where you walk. It is put simply - wonderful.

We ate a tonne of gelato in Florence. You cant really go wrong.

We also found the best pizza in the world in Florence. This place (again if you want specific details about this place email me and I will send you details) was amazing. You could only order 3 kinds of pizzas: marinara (tomato sauce, garlic and oregano), margarita (tomato sauce and bocconcini and basil) and napolitana (tomato sauce, anchovies, capers and bocconcini). We ate at this place the 2 nights we were there. The pizzas were cooked in this wood fired oven and was made right in front of you. I dream about those pizzas. They were sooooooooo good.

We also had a chance to go the local street shops. Near the supermercato in Florence there are tonnes of vendors selling decent to good leather bags, shoes, jackets, purses, belts and scarves among other things. Be prepared to bargain. It was very cool to do that. Spent almost half a day there. It was fun.

From there we went to Ponte Vecchio - you know the bridge, the very famous bridge! Just opposite the bridge was this awesome glove factory. J bought some real nice leather gloves for like a $100. They are beautiful. This place is where locals buy their gloves and it also ships gloves all over the world.

Hmm, the last day was for the Uffizi. We had already done the Gallaria della'Accademia for the statue of David. Now for both these places you need to buy tix in advance during tourist seasons - which now is like all the time in Italy. So, make sure you do that at least 2 or 3 days in advance if you going in October. Uffizi was disappointing. Very much so. It seemed like they took all the paintings and sculptures and just threw them in a museum. There was no order or anything to it. But seeing the 'Birth of Venus' was still amazing!

Obviously, see the statue of David. The original not the fake. It was very cool and you can see why it is so famous!

We also went to the scientific museum - not sure what the name is but it is very close to the Uffizi and was worth going to. You can see Galileo's original instruments among other cool and horrifying things.
Yes, horrifying! The museum has original terracotta and wax casts used by doctors to see and understand pregnancy. It was cool but also horrifying b/c they were so accurate that they looked real.

Anyways, all in all it was cool to be in Firenze. Next stop Lucca!

Damn it!

break

Apologies for being away. Now that I am back to work I will write more.

There are several pros and cons to being back to work...

Cons:
Being at work
Having to work
Getting up early and getting dressed and ready in a matter for 30 minutes.
Having to get out of the house when it is raining.
Using you brain again.

Pros:
Seeing work mates again.
Seeing my ex-crush again (donno if that makes him my crush again. I think not.)
Wearing new clothes that you bought from the outlet malls.
Listening to music while on the bus
Using your brain again.

Ok, hopefully I will have the Florence update the next time I log in.

Italy Part 2

We took the train from Rome to Naples. It took about 2 hours. Because neither of us spoke Italian, finding the train and platform on Roma Termini was interesting. We asked this train official, all of whom wear Green jackets, and he kept telling us the train name over and over again. It was funny.

Anyways, out of the train on Napoli central and we had to haggle for a cab. Naples is known as the Detroit of Italy. It can be a dangerous city, last year alone they had 200 deaths. So its not a good place to be if you are a tourist, at night and dont know what the hell you are doing. Cabbies are known for not giving the right price, trying to take more money off you and such. Anyways, we got a nice cab driver who took us to our hotel which was away from the centre of the city. Not a bad thing. The hotel, San Francesco al Monte, was on the mountain and was simply spectacular. It is highly recommended.

Naples might be a lot of things but it is also a very beautiful city. It is gorgeous. It is quite hilly and this makes the city even more interesting. Our view from the hotel was stunning. As you see in the picture apparently Naples was welcoming us with the rainbow!



Anyways, the first evening we decided to go to the archaeological museum. If you are remotely interested in archeology or Pompeii - go to this museum. The whole of the museum is mostly dedicated to Pompeii and artifacts found there. It was very interesting to see them. The museum itself was very interesting. It was unlike most posh museums you will see. It was a bit run down but it was a true museum unlike the cash making machines most museums now seem to be (more on that when we get to Firenze). Anyways, it was cool to see the artifacts from Pompeii before going to Pompeii.

The next day was the day for Pompeii. It took my breath away. Pompeii was amazing. Just truly amazing. We took a pre-guided tour which lasted from 10 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon. If you like archeology, history and old cities dont miss Pompeii. I could have spent the entire day there. It was just awesome. Dont miss this.

The next day we were going to do Capri islands. Which we didnt. Mainly because there were thousands of tourists. It didnt seem to have the appeal after seeing a billion tourists.

I actually really liked Naples. It was a real city. Everyone you will talk to will tell you it is quite a dangerous city. Which might be true but I didnt see any reason not to go there. I mean the only way you will get shot or robbed is if you are stupid. We took the regular precautions - kept our stuff with us, didnt go walking around at midnight and so on. It was fine. This is one of the highly recommended cities. If you are interested in seeing a real Italian city - go to Naples.

The driving in Italy seemed to be mostly fine except in Naples. Driving was crazy here. If there was space for your vehicle you were expected to drive there. It was nutty. We also to the bus and that was crazy as well. Mind you I have lived in India and it was crazier than India!

The food in Naples was amazing. We actually found a small restaurant run by a family. The menu was in Italian and the waiter did not speak a word of English and the food was just amazing. It really was.

The only thing to keep in mind when traveling to Naples is to take cash with you. You bank card might not work, many places might not take credit cards and the banks only cash travelers cheques from 9 to 1. We found that out the hard way!

Italy - part 1

I am going to try to try a post about each city in Rome - Dont know if that will work but here is the first one.

We flew from Vancouver to London and London to Rome.

In typical Air Canada fashion, our flight from Vancouver to London was delayed "due to technical reasons". We were told this after checking in, boarding and putting on our seat belts. Something sounded fishy - in true form we left about two hours late with very little time to catch the connection. We did make the connection and arrived in Rome airport and took the train (an express train from airport to the city centre). Which was not bad at all.

Anyways, we step out of the train station and are trying to figure out where we should be going and ended taking a 10 euro taxi ride for a 5 minute walk. Oh well.

Rome was the worst part of the trip. The city centre of Rome is so touristy that literally everywhere we went - we heard nothing but English and saw nothing but English pubs. It was awful. I mean I didnt go to Italy to get the authentic experience but it would have been nice to eat some pasta without the same damned tomato sauce. Anyhoo, if you are planning to go to Rome - you wont need more than 3 days in the city. We saw pretty much all there was to see. The highlights were the of course the Sistine Chapel and the Pantheon. Both of these took my breath away.

We had to wait for 3 hours in the hot sun to see the Sistine Chapel but it was so worth it. A word of advice, do the Sistine Chapel and the whole of Vatican on a weekday. We made the mistake of going on a Saturday and it was a nut house. The weekdays you would get a little shorter lineup. Oh, yes, and do be there at 8 in the morning. We found that by the time we were done the Sistine Chapel and Vatican Museum in general we didnt really care about standing in another lineup to see the Basilica. We didnt even try. At that point we had had enough. The Chapel itself is wonderful. It really is. There is nothing that can describe it. I am obviously not a catholic in any way - but you have to see it.

The Pantheon was also truly amazing. We didnt have to stand in any lineups at all to see it. It was just amazing. It is one to things you dont want to miss.

Some of the other things worth seeing are, of course the Colosseum, the Capitoline Museums, The Roman Forum. We didnt end up seeing the Roman baths but I think it would have been awesome.

Rome, inspite of its touristy-ness will always have a special place in my heart for this one Enoteca we ate at. If you want the name - email me and I will send you details.

Okay, next up is Naples.

I am Back!

Well, I am back home. I will write a more detailed post when I get the chance, but I have to say - Firenze - which sounds much better than Florence - is the most beautiful city I have ever been to.

It is simply stunning. If you have been you know what I am talking about, if not, you have to.

Italy is a beautiful country. The food, the wine, and the people all just great.

Have to go - but will be back!

In Rome.

I have my coffee in a public square, had my wine, ate my pizza and had some ok pasta!

All seems well. However, man this place is expensive.

All good, all fair.

Ciao for now!

Kayaking

So I am in Egmont BC for J's firm's retreat. Which is awesome!

Anyhoo, I went kayaking for the first time in my life - it awesome!

I have been canoeing but kayaking was a first. It was a lot of fun!

However, you have to have upper body strength - which I dont. So every now and then, I had to just stop rowing - or whatever it is called. We went in a group and everyone else was ahead of me - but it was okay. I had fun, except next time I would take time to wander around by myself. This was a guided tour - so we were guided but there are other things I wanted to do - just hang out and see the jelly fishes for a little bit and so on.

Anyways, I had fun. Afterwards I came to the room had a nap and hot shower.

Its been fun for a while.

Poor J, he has been in a meeting all day.

Evil

I have been evil.

Yesterday, after leaving work - I went to buy some luggage since the one I have is falling apart.

I couldnt find one so then decided I should walk home - so I was walking and checking messages on my phone.

I had two messages from my acupunturist. Fuck! Acupuncture! I had totally forgotten! One was at 4pm asking me if I was going to be there and one a 4.30pm telling me that clearly I wasnt going to be there and that she didnt want to charge me and had an opening today that she could fit me in.

What did I do?

I got home and called her.

She picked up the phone and I told her that I had cancelled the appointment. I lied to my nice acupuncturist!

I told her I had cancelled and could not make it to the one today cause, well I couldnt. I was feeling horrible. But the alternative was paying $75 which I wouldnt get back from my benefits provider cause I had no receipt. I was talking to her and happened to mention luggage shopping and she offered me her luggage! I felt even more horrible! I am terrible person. Only way to make it up - somewhat is to buy her some small token for her from Italy.

Things I am looking forward to!

Ok, its getting really close to me going away on a vacation. This one will be real one - a full 3.5 weeks of f@#king around in Italy. Literally and figuratively.

So this is the first time I am going Europe. And first time in a country that has a language I dont speak. So it will be interesting. We chose Italy because both myself and J love food and wine and culture. And there is a lot of it there! Plus, it is such a romantic country! I am really looking forward to it all! Some of things in no particular order are:

The food - all the cheese, bread and pastas and everything in between

The Wine - and lots of it!

Some coffee - I dont drink coffee but I will try it there!

I love that we have nothing booked - so we can spend as much time anywhere we like. I love that if we think we need to spend 2 weeks in Rome we can!

The gondola ride in the grand canal

Being in Florence - reminding me of one of my fav movies 'Room with a view'

Seeing Pompeii

Seeing Italy pass us by as we sip wine

Probably a drive around Tuscany

Being able to see all of this with J

Not having to show up to work

Not having to think about work and in-laws and the politics of it all

Maybe getting pregnant in Italy. I have to say I am really looking forward to that more than anything else. There is nothing in the world that would make me happier. I also think it would be fun to name that child something completely Italian and screw him/her for life a la the namesake! Ok, obviously I am joking.

I am not writing this post to make you jealous or anything just that both J and myself have worked so hard for so long. We really deserve this and I think it will be fun. We will be broke by the time we get back but WTF! You only live once.

Yippieeeee! Besides work is so stressful right now that I would do anything to not be here right now.

Ok I am out for today!

I am catching a cold. Yes I am.

Damn it!

what else?

Monday is by far the most difficult day of the week. You enjoyed two full days of doing nothing or doing things that actually please you and then, Monday comes and you've got to do things you dont want to!

Anyhoo, its nearly time for me to go away to Italy. I am excited and looking forward to it! I cant wait to get away from work! Its getting more and more difficult to work here and I can actually feel the strain of things when I walk in. The only thing that keeps me coming is the paycheque, of course, and my co-workers!

Anyways, a month away will be good!

Bollywood magic - part 2

I was very young when I first saw the movie 'Naam' and heard this song. I remember my mum crying - I didnt understand it but I remember my mum crying.



Everytime I hear this song, I understand why. I was working and listening to music when this song came on - and yes, I was bawling my eyes out. Its a beautiful song and I completely get it now.

You have to hear it to understand what he is singing about but its about Indian expats in Uk or America, I think. He is singing about this letter he received from the motherland and everyone who has every left their home behind will get it. Only thing is he is singing in Hindi and I dont think there are any subtitles.

I think of my mom whenever I hear this song - because I remember her crying when this song was on and becuase I have been away from India for 7 something years, everytime I talk to her, I hear it in her voice - she misses me just as I miss her.

Bollywood magic

So here I am working - at work, where else?

I have itunes and the cool thing about that is I get to listen to music while working.

I recently found this Bombay Beats (Bollywood music) radio channel. I love it. They play ok songs - but many of them are from back in the day when I was a young non-cynical young gal (well, actually I was never non-cynical now that I think of it, but whatever!)

So listening to this music takes me back! To my first crushes and so on and so forth. Good times with my school friends - its awesome!

200?

This is my 200th post!

Yippie.


I woke up this morning and normally I can see the clock on the wall pretty clearly - today I couldnt. I couldnt really see how late I was going to be.

See normally I set my clock for 7.16am. And I crawl out of bed at around 7.30 or sometimes, much to the panic of J, at 7.45. So when I open my eyes I see the clock and calculate how long I will be. I have never jumped out of bed anywhere close to the time my alarm goes off.

Anyhoo, I was trying to see the time and then it struck me! I was darker than usual outside. "Pfffffft!" me thinks! Its nearly fall. It will get darker and darker outside until, alas, it will be completely dark. I will have to run around in the dark and look out the window to see nothing but rain pouring and trees blowing in the wind.

It can be pretty gorgeous but also depressing. Hmmm, how time goes.

Random

I only have two weeks to go and there is so much to do.

I feel I need more time to go away on vacation.

Anyways, I had a dream where I had a child with me and then I gave it to someone to keep an eye on him/her. Then, the child was lost. No one could find him/her and I was terrified.

Okay, its good to know I am back to normal - getting stupid dreams.

Work is going on as usual. The new board is getting elected today - so that will be interesting. Not that I care anymore.

I watching the emmys last nite - I freaking hate Sally Field. She is soooooo dramatic. Okay, the reason I am talking about the Emmys is I was watching it w/ J - and I was sitting on the loveseat and he was on the couch - I look over and he was switching his contacts from old phone to new phone. And I couldnt help but feel overwhelming love for him. He is so cute and cuddly and lovable.

We met about 10 yrs ago and from the first instant we talked to each other - we clicked. It was right. We both knew that. When I decided to marry him - and I proposed BTW, I knew it was right. I knew that if I didnt do that - marry this guy (rather I had to marry him to be with him cause we were both in different countries and I could just visit him to Canada - cause I wouldnt get a freaking visa) I would regret it forever.

I have not regretted marrying him, my only regret is not living in India. I think I will always miss that. There will always be that empty spot in my heart.

I think J knows that. He knows that more than anything I want to move back home. It will always be home for me. It is where my heart is. But I cant just do that. Financially it would be a disaster. So here I am. Which is fine. I think I will move back one day. I think. As long as my sister and my bro are there - I think I will. I want to.

Apples

Yes, this post is about apples.

I realized just now that I like a very specific type of an apple. Here is my criteria:

1) It has to be red. I only eat red apples. I like the green ones but only when they are covered in caramel. Then I will gladly eat the whole thing.... What? Its healthy!

2) It has to small in size. No, not those crab apples. Although I will eat them too. But I like normal apples that are smallish. Just enough for a snack!

3) Thin skinned. I hate apples that have a very thick skin so when you are eating them - the skin becomes pulpy. Its a gross feeling, plus, it makes a funny sound when chewing.

4) Sweet but tart. Yes, it cant be just sweet or just tart - I like a bit of both. In this category, I also hate apples that dont taste like anything. They have taste like apples!

5) Just ripe enough. Obviously, too ripe apples will taste like sweet mulch. As much as I like sweet mulch, I dont like it with my apples. Thank you.

6) Flawless. This is an optional category. Meaning that if it is bruised then I might eat it. Or not. I cant commit to either one but ideally I like my apples not bruised.


Okay, why am I ranting about apples?
B/c they make an ideal breakfast. They can be thrown in the bag - although with not too much force or point #6 might be compromised.
Then you wash them and start biting them (That sounds like a game)

Ideal apples: Gala or Fuji Apples.

BTW - I hate Golden Delicious Apples. They are neither golden nor delicious! WTF?

I have been munching on cookies lately. I've had too many now and am in that phase where anything bad my body craves it.

I know I will go back to a clean diet - but its so easy to fall off the road and just go wild eating anything and everything.

Self control is just so hard - it irritates me!

Anyways, the other day I had some cookies and soft drinks (pop, soda, whatever else you call it) with me and forced the cab (taxi) driver to take some. I hope he enjoyed them.

Definately Not Pregnant

I just got my period. So no babies. I am disappointed - but will live through it.

On the positive side - I can drink Italian wine! Ohhhhh, Italian wine!

I got home last nite and 2 glasses of wine - cause I thought I deserved it and I needed it.

Anyhoo, I had a dream I was walking around half naked in front of my in-laws and uncle.

It was very weird. But then I just saw the Dreamers - so maybe not so much!?

Thats it from me today!

Happy Dream!?

Let me begin by saying that I always have stupid scary dreams. In fact, I rarely have good dreams.

Sometimes my dreams come true. Yes they do, but they are scary so its not a good thing.

Anyways, yesterday I had a happy dream. I remember being happy. Considering everything that is going on and my dream track record I am surprised but happy.

I had a weird dream. So in the dream I am a girl again. Like 14-15 yrs old. And I am with a whole bunch of other teens - in some country, which I later find out is Indonesia. Not scary Indonesia - like super happy, beautiful, peaceful Indonesia. I dont why we are there - just vacation, I guess.

So the dream was long but I remember only some of it.

While on vacation - we are by this water park kind of a thing. Maybe its a resort of some sort, yes I travel in style in my dreams!

I can see water all around with tonnes of mini islands with palm trees. The water is clear and blue! As far as the eye can see we are surrounded by mountains and tall trees. All 360 degrees all I can see is tall mountains and trees. There is slight breeze moving the trees. Its evening and there are no lights - just stars and moon and tonnes of moonlight. The moonlight cascades over the trees, the mountains, it looks silvery on the water. We are warm but not too warm. Just right. It is just a peaceful night!

In the water, there are many tiny boats. Boats big enough for two people. The boats are all colourful. They are red, orange, purple, blue and so on. Many of my friends, none of whom I recognise, but am travelling with, are in these boats. Everyone is laughing and there is chatter all around us.

I am standing on one of the mini islands with a bunch of my friends. Happy. Just Happy. Looking around and taking the view in. Its perfect.

We are talking about getting on the boat and wondering why we are not on one. As we are looking for a boat, one of the guys speaks up saying we should go beyond the mountains in one of these tiny boats. I ask without looking at him, what is beyond those mountains? He says "its even more beautiful there". I say "I didnt know we could go there" and turn around to face him.

Now here is the hilarious part - the guy I am speaking to is Bobby Flay. I dont know why its him but its him. I think he is cute but nothing more than that. I think he is good chef but thats all. Anyway, Bobby Flay is standing there chatting with me. Of course, I realize this in my dream but go on. Remember I am 14-15 in this dream - so I am bit short and now, I am standing on a rock.

Somehow at this point he says "look at the fireworks". I put my arms around him, more to support myself from falling down but also as friends do and turn around to see the fireworks. They were the coolest fireworks I have ever seen! They were like normal fireworks - so something is lit and it goes in the air with lights but once the lights disperse they come in form of animals. Like one of the lights made a dragon and the dragon moves around and throws fire in the sky. Then there were rabbits and more animals but I cant remember them.

I am clearly enjoying myself and feeling so happy and so content.

Then the alarm rang and I had to get up!

So from home to work today - I was trying to figure out what this dream was all about? Maybe it was my happy place. I dont know - but I have never seen it nor imagined it. My happy place is always been a mountain with trees and big field.

The other thing that is been going on - I havent blogged about is that I maybe pregnant. I dont know. I have no symptoms other than missing my period so I guess I have to wait and find out. But I was thinking if being pregnant gives me good dreams - it cant be a bad thing!

It was good though. I dont know what a psychiatrist was say to that dream though!

Oh my God!

I am so over whelmed - its not sane or healthy.

I feel so stressed - I cant take it.

The whole work thing is making me re-evaluate everything.

STOP

Too many things going through my mind right now. Just too many. I am having difficulty processing all of it and putting them in boxes that I can go into and deal with later.

My boss was terminated yesterday and I am still trying to deal with all of that and more.

Its weird being here for various reasons. I just wish I could walk away and figure things out slowly and one by one.

Someday, I will publish the post about how and what I am feeling right now. I cant right now for obvious reasons.

Just want to slow the f@ck down right now.

Brownies

I made brownies while my time off. Man they were too much work!

Next time I will buy them!

I will write a longer post when I have caught up with all the work I need to do.

Flowers

Summer flowers for you

Salads

So in a bid to loose some weight and eat healthy my co-worker and myself have gotten into getting vegetables and nuts and whatever else and making salads. This one was made last week sometime.



In case it isnt clear - there are avocados, walnuts, zucchini, tomatoes, cucumber, pepper (I think), lettuce and some other things I cannot remember.

Here is the same salad from another angle.

Time off

I have like 6 days off!

I have too much accumulated time and so I have take my holidays. This is above and beyond my vacation time. Yippie!

So I dont go back to work till Thursday which is fine.

I want clean up my place, hang out, wax, and of course cook some delicious snacks that I remembered my mum making as a kid. We'll see how productive I have been in like 6 days.

I am lazy so I might just curl up in front of TV and catch all the movies/TV shows I've always wanted to see.

I am a vegetarian

Not one of those crazy ones that will make you guilty for eating meat. Hell I even cook meat - just dont eat it.

I ate chicken yesterday. By mistake and I feel sick.

I ordered a veg wrap and they put chicken in by mistake. I ate a few bites thinking all the while - this tastes weird. Anyways, I noticed the chicken in bite no 3 or 4 and ever since then - I feel sick. I feel gross.

Damn!

My oh my...

To start - I was weird, awkward kid in school. Never fit in - was always sticking out like a sore thumb!

Forward to now - I just stumbled upon photos put up by an old friend on facebook. In there were photos of two ppl I knew who were going out like 8 years ago. They are engaged.

No, this is not a sappy post about ever lasting love - thats just not me. Its more of a bitchy post.

So these two (the couple) were like the coolest couple in school. And seeing their photos now - I wonder why?

They seem just ordinary ppl. Hmmm funny what times does to ppl!

This reminds of the movie High Fidelity where John Cusack's character realizes how lousy Catherine Zeta-Jones' character really is - after thinking for the longest time she was the coolest chick ever! That is what this moment is for me.

Oh well!

I drove to work today. Usually I take the bus.

I was driving today without my license on me. It was stressful. I had forgotten my wallet at work but couldnt get out of driving. So, here I am driving and looking out of the corner of my eye for cops. Paranoid that I am being followed.

I have driven without my license before but that time I didnt know...It was nothing. This time was very stressful. As soon as I parked the car I was relieved. I got out and ran to work.

Phew!

Eeek

My boss is not having a very good day or a good month.

That is never good - not for her, not for me!

I ramble when I am nervous


and


I want to go to Pompeii when I am in Italy.

My social life

I dont have one.

I am in a weird situation. I am about 9 years younger to J. So expectedly J has very different group of friends than I do.

His friends are all married with kids. To the point that we are are the black sheep of friends (didnt know I could ever use the words black, sheep and friends, in the same sentence but I did anyways). So all the ppl we used to hang out with - are no more. We cant go out with friends in the evening cause their kids wont let them. Consequently, we have started going out together - and watching movies and having dinner. Now, if you have been the same person for awhile, you will know this can get boring at times. I love J and all but really - having friends around help us distract us from each other.

My friends are all just out of uni and finding jobs. Marriage is the last thing on thier minds. Getting by and paying off those student loans occupies their free time. Then there is hooking up with guys and travelling. Needless to say - there is not much in common with the two groups.

We are stuck in between. This directly means that my social life is non-existent.

It sucks.

Advise

I find that we as humans - love to give advise. Free advise to one and all.

It is irritating as hell when you are at the receiving end. Especially if you didnt ask for it and if it centers around babies.

Infants, raising kids, conceiving kids, lifestyles with kids. One and all.

Since we are the only couple left with no kids - I cant describe what that does to your social life - we get advise. Free.

Unasked advise.

It is annoying. I feel like screaming.

Diary of a crazy girl

I was chatting online with one of my old school mates. I have known this girl (lets call her Diane) since we were in grade/standard 8th. So quite awhile now. We have been in touch on and off.

I think she is crazy. No, like seriously something is wrong with her.

It was through Diane that I met my friend Violet, who is a really good friend and I keep in touch with her. Anyways, so a few months ago I was talking to Violet and she told me that she had been in touch with Diane.

Diane apparently complained to Violet that her parents were beating her up. Locking her in the house, not letting her see her friends, meet any guys and she could not talk on the phone without being monitored by her parents.

Yes, it sounds serious. I have also met her parents who are the sweetest people I have met. They are tiny compared to my friend and really love her. I could be wrong. People could pretend to be something they are not - so I guess my friend could be telling the truth. I give her the benefit of doubt.

After Violet knew of this - she asked Diane to call a few people - who were professionals in dealing with these sorts of things. Violet has worked as a social worker before she moved to UK. Violet expressed that Diane had to be the one to make the call - if we wanted help all she had to do was call and these people would help her out.

After this, if I am not mistaken - Violet talked to one of these professionals and told him all about Diane, gave him her phone number. Violet, then, moved to UK. This was all happening in Bombay and Diane is still there. I havent heard anything from Violet regarding this and nor from Diane.

Fast forward to now.

I have chatted a few times with Diane. We were good friends and it seems that technology has helped us to re-start that same old friendship. The few times I have chatted with Diane - she has mentioned numerous men, all attached, who keep hitting on her.

Guys we both knew growing up. Guys who at one point in time must have had a crush on her or asked her out. But they are all either married or have girlfriends. But they, supposedly, keep hitting on Diane. Wanting to get together with her, leave their partners for her and so on. This is all from Diane's prespective. As much as I want to believe all of this - I feel that there is something fishy going on. She always talks about guys we both knew. Guys who she was never interested in - at all. She wouldnt give them the time of the day back then and these guys supposedly still have something for her and would leave everything if only she gave them a chance. Hmmm, sounds a bit far fetched to me.

She has mentioned to me at least twice how these guys wives or girlfriends are extremely jealous of her. How she went to x guy's wedding and the bride was sulking and unhappy because Diane decided to attend the wedding. And everytime she says something like this - She sounds extremely happy. Like she actually enjoys this.

What makes it even more unbelievable is that she was supposedly to marry this distant cousin of hers, yes a cousin - very distantly attached, who was married to someone else. He was going to live his then wife and marry Diane. This however did not go over well with her parents who objected to the marriage.

Now, this just sounds crazy to me. I know Diane - very well.

I dont know if I should help, or even how to help given I am so far away.

I am loving peaches.

I love them! The thought of eating a peach fills me with evil laughter, my eyes sparkle when I have that peach in my hand....

Whoo-hoo

Its the 60th Independence day for India!

I am excited and sad. But more excited.

I had a very vivid and weird dream. It was all about flowers. Thats all I can remember. There were tonnes of flowers everywhere. I am allergic to flowers - maybe it was some kind of punishment. I dont know. I never have good dreams they are always twisted, bloody, full of misery. Which is why this flowers dream is confusing me. I clearly remember the flowers just not what they were there for....

Oh well.

As J puts it - we have started playing Russian Roulette with the whole pregnancy thing. We stopped using birth control but are not trying to get pregnant. If we do, we do. If not, then there is always Italy.

Oh yea, forgot to mention we are going to Italy for a whole month! Yippie. Actually we might stop over London and then proceed to Italy. But it will be good. Italy is going to go ahead anyways. So that will be exciting. Plus, my good friend lives near London - I havent seen her for 7 years - so that will be fun!

I am a minority.

Yes, yes I am brown and a woman - but this just adds to my minority-ness...(?)

http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6943871.stm

Friends - update

The friends who were supposed to stay with our in-laws are now staying at a B&B. Not b/c of anything but b/c our friends mother paid for a B&B for his son and family.

What I dont get is as a lawyer with a child - couldnt you have the courtesy to do it by yourself?

In anycase, I dont care. All I know is that I dont have to move in to my inlaws place for a week and that is a-okay with me!

I noticed..

I am blessed by an unusual name by North American standards.
So I have to say my name and then spell it out.

Everytime I have to spell out my real name or for that matter anything - I always say like (for eg) K-a-r-e-n so K for Kathy, A for Anne, R for Rhonda and so on.

It is always girl names or girly thingys. Like B for butterfly. I donno why. It is never K for Kevin. I know Freud might have had some insight into why this is - but I always find it amusing.

I lost a whopping 2 pounds in 2 weeks!!!!!

However, I am excited cause it was all done by eating right and exercising. Atleast I know its working. And I cant get too greedy - yippie!

Oy

This weekend was not good. On Friday we stayed home - nothing exciting. On Saturday we had J's friends over for dinner. This is after pleading w/ J to let me have his friends over - J doesnt really like to have ppl over our place. I dont know why.

So Saturday morning he goes to work - he had to. So it falls to me to cook, clean and shop for guests coming over. I do it. He comes home at 6 and his friends at 7 - everything is fine. Sunday morning was the Pride Parade - which goes right through the street next to us. I was so excited for it - as I have never been to one and since it was so close and all. J was invited by one of his boss for a pre-parade drink. I wake up with cramps in my stomach. I couldnt move. I tell J - go ahead I will meet up with you when I can. He doesnt go. I somehow take a bunch of painkillers and get ready and go. We arrive late to his place. No one answers to door (we couldnt tell if the buzzer was working). Anyways we come back. J is pissed. We get into an argument where he blames me for everything that went wrong in his life.

I miss most of the pride parade. Sometimes men are such babies. J can be so difficult. All I wanted to was to see the parade - I wont be able to see it next year cause we will have to move to the burbs to have children. As if, kids cant grow up in the city! God. Sometimes I dont understand this North American thinking. The need to have yards for kids to play or them to have seperate rooms - Pffft! I has nothing to do with kids. It has everything to do with what to want and what you want for your kids. Sometimes its just not necessary.

One of top of the other....

J did something stupid. Well he doesnt see it that way but I do.

He is a lawyer and was meeting a client - who works for a place I wouldnt mind working.
He mentioned something of the sort to them. They took it seriously and will now consider offering me a job.

I feel angry and totally useless. I did not want a job my husband found for me. I did not want any special mentions, I did not want anyone to know that I was married to him so that they could offer me a job.

I dont know what to feel. I mentioned this to him and he said something like - he just mentioned my name and the rest took its own course. They know who I am - I have sent them a few resumes. Fine - I do believe him. But - I still feel wierd. I dont how to explain it.

To top it off, this new position will be something I am slightly interested in. I like what I do now, here at my present job. I hate doing research and that is what this new job will be. I will get paid significantly better - which is good cause I barely make anything here. But, everything aside - I feel wierd and J doesnt see what the problem is. To make it worse - he did it out of the good of his heart. There was no malice and no bad thought when he was doing it.

Guess I just have to wait and see what happens.

I love listening to Virgin radio on my comp while working. I donno why - it makes the day go fast I think.

Anyhoo, I am dreading - really dreading - having to move in with my in-laws for a week. J's friends from New York are coming - the one with a child and need a place to crash. I am all in for that and do like them and they let us crash at their place when we were in NYC - but here is the catch. The dude is lawyer in NY - he get paid $400/hr in US $$$ - wouldn't it just be easy for them to stay in a hotel? Surely, they can afford it!

I do understand paying back for the time we spend at their place but it was the two of us in a sofa bed. No child. So its not like we asked them to shift their lives around!

Anyhoo, whateves, will stay at the in-laws for a week. Maybe the sheer tension will make me loose some weight - I doubt it though!

My mil was shocked the last time we were there. J called me a bitch in front of his mom - not a kosher thing to do ever. So I got back to him saying something nasty like - you want bitch - I'll give you one. His mom's jaw dropped to the ground. She hates even more now. I am sure she will try to convey her hatred for me to J when I am away. Something completely passive-aggressive like - "I cant believe Viki talks to you like that" Or "Viki is such a princess, blah blah blah". She has actually done that in the past and called me a princess too. It was different - we were living in her house as she was kind of to point out at every opportunity she got. No more. No more.

If she does something like that - I am going to have to say something.

This is my 170th post, for those keeping tabs.

I went to acupuncture yesterday and man I feel exhausted. However, I know in few treatments I will feel differently.
That shit really works!

If you have a bad back like me - try it. I will work even though you might feel exhausted for the first few times.

Cant believe its August 1!

Seems like summer just started and soon it will be fall and all will be gone...

Do you like my stupid rhyme?

Camping

Now I can say I have gone camping, and I dont want to do it anymore.

It was fun but the sleeping on gravel hurt my back.

Next time, it will be a cabin by the lake.

I have funny legs.

I feel at peace.

Is it the peace before a storm? I dont know.

Walked

I walked from home to work today, about a 40 minute walk....

I was fun and I feel good.

My ankle, however, is another story...

I am getting tired of it hurting - its been 3 months now!

Its funny cause - if I dont walk - it feels completely fine. Like normal - however, as soon as I started to exercise - it hurts.

Anyways, I have decided to take pain killers and see if that helps. I have tried the physio and massage. Lets go old school!

Anyhoo, today is the first fireworks show in my nieghbourhood. They have 4 of these every summer....

They are okay I guess. I did grow up in India - so during diwali all you see is fireworks for 2 straight weeks. This show is nothing compared to that. Whateves....

So no wonder I feel fat.
I am!

No seriously, I put on 10 pounds in 3 months. Partially it is because of my ankle. I havent been able to do any exercise without it getting weak and swollen.
But it is also becuase I have been partying...since we moved out of the in-laws house. It was like freedom and I havent stopped.

Well it does now. I am going cold turkey in terms of food. No junk, no drinks, salads for lunch and healthy food for dinner. Thats that.

The only sucky thing is I am being taken camping. And now more than ever I dont want to go. Its hard to be picky about food when you are out living in the forest. Fuck!

Dont want to do it. And then after that we have friends visiting from NYC. I love them but they could not have chosen a worse time. Plus, like everyone we know they have a child and you know what that means.....

Moving to the in-laws place for a week so that the child has a place to sleep. Argh, I dont want to live there. Not after being blamed for the break in. And I dont want to argue with J. I realize that this what would work for AK (friends) - I just dont want to eat unhealthy or worse explain why I wont eat regular food. Its bad enough having to be on a diet!

Okay ranting and raving done.

I finished HP7 - It was awesome! It really was. Dont worry I wont give away the good bits. But I feel so sad now that I know there wont be another HP book! But it was an awesome end to an awesome series....

Oh my....

Yes, I know I am supposed to be MIA but this weekend has been difficult.

I have been thankful for the HP 7 - otherwise I would have driven myself mad.

I feel so....fat.

I havent felt this way for so long.

And I am afraid that I will go over to the dark side (yes, that comes from my reading too much of Harry Potter!). But I did last time.

I stopped eating. And I do not want to do that. But I do need to lose a few kilos/pounds.

Anyways, the action plan this time around is eating only salads for lunch and walking everyday.

The idiotic thing is my ankle. It healing but slowly which means every now and then it hurts. Which is not very beneficial for walking.

Argh....

MIA

I will be MIA until I finish reading my Harry Potter...

Lights out

Lights are out in my office. My comp is obviously still working....(Just in case you needed to know!)

Anyways, J has been talking about moving cities lately. Not immediately but in a matter of a few years. I think it would be great!
I like Vancouver, but am not in love with it.

Secretly, I would want to move to Montreal! I dont see that happening as J is a lawyer and Quebec law is quite different from the rest of Canada law if you are practicing. Thanks Quebec!

Anyhoo, if not Toronto is always a good option. Its much bigger than Vancouver and hence it would be fun!

These are my options for moving within Canada. If out of Canada is an option - I would love, love, love New York. Reminds me of Bombay! If not, Chicago or L.A. - Again I dont see that happening.

But in my mind - if we leave Vancouver we move to something bigger and better!

Otherwise there is no point in leaving....

That is my rant for today.

Ever moved cities, places? What were your experiences?

Stupid me.

I walked from home to the bus stop.
Got on to the bus.
Got off the bus.
Walked from the bus to work.
Took the elevator
Walked into work
Worked for an hour
Talked to my co-worker in her office

All with my fly open.

Ever done that?



Luckily, my top is sort of long enough to cover it. But still.

Rain

Yes, its raining. Its awesome.
Last week so hot - it was unbelievable.

The next exciting(....not) thing in my life is that I being taken camping. No I dont want to.
I hate nature mostly because I am allergic to most of it. Also, I believe in the urban way of life. Yes, that is it. Its a way of life that I have respect for and that I believe in (I could be a good spin doctor....).

Anyhoo, so camping is the last week of July. Which sucks cause I live right by the beach - couldnt we just camp there? Apparently not!

I did not know that you have to take so many things for camping. Whats the point? By the time you are done - you end up taking all of life luxuries with you in the wild. Real campers would go with nothing but themselves. Yeah! Go live in the forest - you will be very close to it cause you wont have your cans and can openers. Hunt for meat and tear the flesh apart with your own bare hands - no utensils or cutlery. That is what being close to nature means to me.

I also know that I am too much of a wuss to do camping survivor style - so I just wont do it! Everyone else who wants to be closer to nature can go buckwild.
Yes, I used the word buckwild!

Okay, dont ranting for now!

Weekend

I saw the movie Heaven - its is really good. Very haunting.

I alo bought a $190 iron. The best you can find. Which makes me happy cause now I wont mind ironing that much!

I also got blamed for a breakin at my inlaws house. (Nobody got hurt, they stole the pressure washer and some tools). But I get the phone call Sunday morning, my mil on the line, asking me why did I not close the garage door yesterday when I left?
BTW - I came in at 1pm and left at 8, J was with me and when I came, the garage door was open.
When we left, my inlaws were outside chatting, true they could not see the garage but they were outside.
Of course I point this out and my mil says something to the effect of, "oh you should be more careful cause we are old and you should closed the door!" Then, of course in my true mil style, she says "oh, I am not blaming you but you need to be more careful"
I asked if anyone was hurt and what they took and then hung up. I am glad I dont live there anymore. I am done being the scapegoat for everything. Whateves!

You're a Greed!


How Sinful Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

And it's affecting your life in ways you might not realize. For one thing, if you aren't careful, your drive to lead an extravagant life may ultimately be your downfall. What you think of as necessary can be construed as excess by others. So you, in particular, should beware of prioritizing worldly possessions above other things and allowing this to take precedence over your personal relationships.

If you continue to do so, you might find yourself jeopardizing the things that are most important to you.

Its hot in Vancouver. I live right by the beach and it was gross and sticky yesterday.

Rain is predicted this weekend - which will be great!

Diet

I am ready to go on a brown rice diet.
Not because I want to loose weight - would be an added bonus though, but b/c I think my body needs a break....

Plus, I think I have developed some new allergy. I can tell b/c I took allergy shots and have been itch and break-out free for about a year....but now everytime I eat, I break-out!

Anyone done this brown rice diet? Any tips/suggestions....

What not to do...

J's cousin is getting engaged this Sunday.

Rather she is already engaged but the party is on this Sunday.

Now, before I go any further I have to put a disclaimer. Most Indian
engagement parties are rather small. Its really only bride and groom
and their close families. The weddings are huge - yes but the
engagement is really the families meeting, the exchange of sugar and
$1.25. And that's that.

Engagement as planned by bridezilla is much much different. I don't know where to start....

1) She had a henna party on Thursday. Usually this is reserved for the weddings

2) The engagement party this Sunday is at the temple. Let me say this - its all fake. The priest has made up some ceremony to engage this couple and provide blessings. I have lived in India all my life - I have never seen an "engagement" ceremony at the temple. You know why? Cause nobody gives a damn if you are engaged.

3) There is a reception ceremony in the evening on Sunday. If you have been to any reception, you will know what I am talking about...yes, there will be flowers,
decorations, centre pieces, speeches, J has been emotionally tricked into being the MC, there will be dancing, butter chicken and a head table.

4) Bridezilla wants to wear four sarees on the day. She wants to change 4 times - need I say more!?

5) Bridezilla pisses me off, cause there is another wedding on Saturday. This wedding, yes it is a wedding, was planned a year in advance. The bride in this wedding lost her father as a child, raised by a single mom, is now getting married. And what does bridezilla do - steal her thunder.

6) Bridezilla also wanted to hire a limo to drive her from the temple to reception hall.

7) Bridezilla has sent me several emails and called me saying she is soooo stressed. At first I was worried and talked to her to calm her down. Her two younger sisters have told me that all bridezilla does all day is surf the net and go shopping. She quit her job cause she hated it and wanted to be with groomzilla. She has not done anything for the engagement bash she is throwing (and her parents are paying for) except go shopping. All the details are taken care of by her sisters and friends.

8) Bridezilla is turned into a total horn-dog. Before the engagement she was the one who said 'ewwww' when the word sex was mentioned. Now, all she talks about is getting it on with groomzilla.

I really could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Its a gong show. And it is on Sunday. I will keep you updated as to what happens.

5 months of work - all for nothing.

Doesnt matter.

Its not like my time is worth anything....

I had my 1000th visitor!
Who was it? Was it you?

Puh-lease do tell....

I feel like curling in a ball and disappearing.

Ever had one of those feelings?

I am sooooo hungry!

I am not working today - at the in-laws place killing time until I go to meet J's cousin for lunch.

Yesterday, my lunch was fantastic!

Started with a Frappuccino, then an ice cream (Oreo cookies with chocolate ice cream) and to top it off a cake. A chocolate cake!

I loved it! If someone didnt know me - they would think I am messed up in the head or have a seriously eating disorder. I dont. I think.

Here is thing though - of eating such a bad lunch. By evening, my stomach was flipping up and down. I was hungry and full at the same time. Oh, I had kale for dinner to make up for the delicious but absolutely unhealthy lunch!

Anyhoo, not really recommended....

Song

I am secretly singing 'Unbreak my heart' by Toni Braxton.

I do secretly love that song!

Waiting....

I am in a completely different mood today.
Things have changed drastically for me.

Dont worry this is not another venting blog but more of let me focus blog.

I have decided I need to find another job. I know I have mentioned it a few times but I know now - that this has got to stop. I am getting too stressed out for things that I dont get paid to stress out over!

I get paid $3200 per month (which in Vancouver doesnt mean all that much) - and believe me when I say I do way more work than that amount covers! I feel like I am being taken advantage of and I dont like that one bit.

Either that or I need to get preggers asap - so I dont have to show up at work everyday with a feeling of some sort of impending doom over head.

I have also decided to unionize my work place. If that gets me fired - all well and good I can sue the company or simply go to law school. If not, people working here will get better pay and benefits. I think I will quit sooner or later regardless.

I hate this feeling. I simply hate but at the same time I know what I have to do.

All this because my position at this place is 'temporary'. As in, they want me to keep working as I am but dont want to give a permanent position and more pay.

So I have to call the stops but before I do I have to try to unionize this place - it will be for me but also some other poor soul who walks into this place.

Post a Meme Day!

I was tagged at My Boring Life, by LB

(This one is for you lb).

Finish The Sentence Survey Meme

Maybe I should....: take that vacation to Greece!

I love...: rainy breezy days.

People would say that I'm...: stupid but they were wrong.

I don't understand...: why we have 5 day work weeks!

When I wake up in the morning...: I want to go back to sleep.

I lost...: my boarding pass once!

Life is full of...: beauty.

My past is...: my past, nothing more.

I get annoyed when...: people walk slowly in front of me.

Parties are...: losers who think they are cool.

I wish...: I could be blunt to people all the time.

Dogs...: the best.

Cats...: suck, big time!

Tomorrow...: is Friday and for that I am thankful.

I have low tolerance...: for people who dont like change.

If I had a million dollars...: I would donate, donate, donate!

I'm totally terrified...: my child will not understand Bombay!

3 People I Tag for this Meme:

1) Lala - yessss you!
2) Liam
3) Brian, if you are still out there!