Well, I have been dying to blog. I started blogging to keep a record of my thoughts and me generally. Whatever I write is quite private. I treat the blog like my diary. That is why J doesnt know I have a blog and I would be miffed if he ever read it. Anyways.

Turns out, I am pregnant! I found out on Saturday. J was over the moon - I am terrified.

Yes, that is what I am absolutely terrified. Like deer in the headlights terror!

Now, I am hoping this is normal. If not, I dont know. All I know is the mere fact of pushing a human being out of me is bringing terror.

The other thing is me being a typical sagittarian, the thought of all this responsibility is bringing terror. I am not worried much about that part - I know I will be okay with it over time I just need it to marinate within me and it will be fine.

I went to see the Bee Movie, which was okay, and there were all these moms and kids and it was like a look into the future for me. The glazed eyes, the dishevelled hair, the crusts on the clothes...I'll be honest, it freaked me out a bit.


Partly, I think I just need to talk to someone about this. Someone who has had kids and gone through this whole thing. Once I talk to someone, it will be alright I think. I wanted talk to J's friend, Amy who has two kids. J wants me to talk to his mum. I like his mum and all but come on - the last time she was pregnant was in 1973. That is long time ago. We has also decided not to tell anyone until the first 3 months. Now, he wants me to tell his parents and my parents and all of india and I am still in the terror stage! The way I usually work is i let the terror be inside of me - let me be okay with all the terror and panic and once I am done freaking out - I will be okay. Its just the way I work and I told J exactly that and he did a typical boy thing and didnt listen to what I was saying. It irritates the hell out of me. He went on about how telling his mum would be great and all that, I partly agree, since my mum is nowhere close I would be good to have a mother figure - but I need time. And he doesnt seem to get it. I know why that is - he is 37 and was waiting for this to happen. I am 27 and dealing with this as a 27 yr old would. He is so excited and all he talks about is the child and what we have to do....

As I said, I am in the terror mode.

So, today we tell his parents. Which is whatever, I dont really care about the details right now. I am sick from wanting to puke and tired cause I cant seem to get enough sleep and the last thing I want to do is argue with a lawyer. Whateves. He wants to tell his parents go ahead be my guest - I know that in a matter to few weeks I will be okay.


Really being married to a lawyer is sometimes exhausting. You will never win an arguement and the opposing side will always make sense to you as it will be logically presented to you. After which, you will wonder what you were arguing about anyways.