wtf?

I have anti J's family. Its cause they are the only ones I see and they are really getting on my nerves.

February cant come fast.

Anyways, his parents took off today. Wherever, I dont know and dont really care. The point is they are out. J's grandma was supposed to come over today. She was with her son and will now live with her daughter. She does this frequently - so its not a big deal. Anyway the moving from son's house to daughter's house takes about 8 hrs of driving.

So we knew she was coming. It was only me and J at home. Well, his sis was staying over. Sleeping for her night shift. J and myself were watching TV when the phone rings. I pick up the phone and its his sis. His sis who was sleeping upstairs. She called to say that there was someone at the door.

The fucking nerve. She called from her bed to tell me to open the freaking door. I am so angry I dont even know what to do. Anyways. I am going to lay it out to my mil. Just cause I can. This will be my revenge for the time she called me and complained about my parents for an hour.

I dont forgive poeple bad mouthing my parents that easily. This is going to be good.

Can hardly wait.

So we have finally found a place to move to....

J is already having second thoughts but I like it.
But that's just him. He always overthinks these things. I mean we were nearly on the verge of tears not having found a place. And now we have and he is asking me if I like it. Of course I like it.

Anyhoo, this place is right by the water and is amazing. Will put up pictures when I have them.

Other than that, we are being suckered into going for dinner w/ this family friends of J's parents. It sucks. They including J's parents always talk about how I am a vegetarian. Especially his dad. Every meal I have with him in the room, and I am not exaggerating, every meal he will mention the word vegetarian or non-meat eater. I am getting sick of it. Good thing we are leaving.

Yes, I disappeared for awhile....

I was in Las Vegas - it was awesome!
Its pretty cool - one of the things you should do w/out kids when young....it really was fun!
I didnt gamble much - but did eat a lot, walk around all the casinos and drank a little too much...

But it was fun.

Anyways
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year - or whatever else you call it.....enjoy and have fun.

Irritated

This woman at my work - is doing some sort of drastic weight loss thingy - I actually think it is dangerous.
She was on this diet where she was eating a 1000 calories a day and exercising like a nut. She lost 40 pounds in 2 months. Yes it is not healthy!

Anyways, all she talks about is exercising and losing weight - I feel like slapping her. She is so annoying. All the freaking time she is like oh I just have 18 more pounds to go. No you dont! You know why - cause you are in your 50s and if you lose that much weight you will look freaky!

The funny thing is she looked three times better with the weight than without it.
Arrrrgh! Who cares how much weight you lost!?

There was a storm that hit Vancouver last night. The lights were out at 3 in the morning. The window was being knocked and I was up coughing.

It was kind of cool cause I got shower today in candle light. Cool.


The irritating thing was the in-laws. No, I know this is not a blog about in-laws. You'd think so but that is not my intention.

Anyhow, everyone overslept as the alarm did not go off. The garage would not open - cause it is power operated. We tried opening if manually and it wouldn't. So, of course, we offered to drive them to work. (Yes, right now it does seem like we are the good guys - but wait....). So we shower and get ready. Thinking that getting to work will be a nightmare - J and myself wanted to start early.
I go to get my in-laws to the car and this is the conversation:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In-laws - Oh, let me drink some coffee

Us - Yes, we have your coffee in your travel mug, you can drink it in the car....

In-laws - We just go ready - we need to have our coffee. You are rushing us.

Us - Yes, we have to leave cause we wont get to work in a decent hour. We can drop you off at your work and that will take longer.

In-laws - We have to have our coffee. LEAVE, if you have to. We just got ready.

Us - But.....

In-laws - You are rushing us. We cant have that. LEAVE!

Us - Ummmmm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So now, they are pissed at us because we were rushing them. I get the whole needing to drink your coffee. I get that they are old and set in their ways. Here is what I dont get: if you are late to work - do still need to spend time drinking coffee? I usually just run and hope that my work as my caffeine fix. Especially when I am late.

How is offering a ride to work and getting the coffee ready to go - in any way our fault. Its not.

Arrrghhh! I am tired of their drama.

Need a home

I need a home. I have been feeling blue lately. We have been thinking of moving out for awhile and we are apartment hunting but nothing comes our way.

Literally, all the places we have seen are somehow wrong. Either they are in an ok neighbourhood or they are plain flithy or just ugly.




I am not asking for a lot. I want a place that is clean, that is in a neighbourhood we can live in and is affordable. I mean you would think it would not be that hard.

Damn, I just need to leave the in-laws behind. You would think the universe would be on my side. I mean, I have put my time in, I have sacrificed more than I thought I was capable and you would think that after spending 5 years in the same house - I would be off the list. But no.

Every evening I have to take the bus home I dread. Dont get me wrong. My in-laws are mostly good. My MIL is a drama queen which puts me off every so often but they are good people. I just want a space of my own where I dont have to justify why I am eating my dinner before everyone else has.....

Really, you would think the universe is with me. Not really!

The need to prove.....

That you are not a failure. Does that come out of you or is it forced on you by someone else?

Meaning - does this need come because you think you are a failure or does it come because you think that the world thinks you are a failure?

I get tired just trying to get through the day. Thank god we get to sleep or else I would be dead by now.

I am tired of proving and trying to prove. At times I just dont care.

Example: I have an ok job. Ok because I should have been hired and given my benefits sometime ago. Atleast that is what I think sometimes. At other times I dont think about it too much. Then I think - oh which graduate from university even has a decent job? But I am being pushed. And I dont want to. I want to relax and enjoy sometime. I dont want to think about buying houses and reproducing just yet. But being pushed does that to you.

I want to scream STOP. But I cant. I am tired. It is all my fault. I put myself in this situation now I want it to stop and I cant.

More than anything else I want to use NO. I cant.

Nice

I dont like nice. I hate when people are being nice. Nice is an insult to any thinking human being.

Thats what I hate about being in Canada. People are too nice. Dont be.

Have the balls to say just what you want to say. It will save everyone sometime.

Yes, yes I know that you shouldn't always say what comes in your head but that doesnt mean that you should always be nice. NO

If you dont want something or dont like something - just say so. Dont be nice. Dont insult the intelligence of someone by being all PC. Have you ever thought that maybe you are doing that person a favour?

Use your brain - I mean dont go around telling people you hate them. That is being mean. But atleast say what's on your mind every once in awhile.

Have the courage to say no. Why is no such a hard word to use? Why cant we say no and not be mean - just express what is in our head?

Sick!

I am sick. I have a nasty cold and I feel sleepy and gross....

I dont get colds. I hate this feeling.

Freaking goddamn hell.

I have really miffed right now. here is why....
every damn person we know in this city is reproducing....i freaking hate that.
Not b/c I have something against ppl reproducing but b/c everytime i find out someone is pregnant i have this wierd feeling.
This feeling comes from the fact that J mentions in every conversation we have about me being pregnant! I pisses me off!
I know he is older than me and he is at a place where he needs an offspring - but when I take everything into the equation - he is the guy. He can father babies anytime he wants! Its not like he is going to hit menopause and then thats that.

All his friends are married, settled and so on - meanwhile we are still trying to freaking move out of the house!
Damn it!

Nobody told him to party his 20s away. He could have been working and we could actually have a house now. No, we dont have that and I have bust my ass in a place that dont like.....

And every conversation we have - he's mentions the word pregnant and baby - fuck!

Its not like I dont want to have kids or anything - I dont mind - I would want to wait for a couple of years but its ok - but this pressure is killing me!

Meanwhile his sister is 31 met a guy who is 40 and they are all cool about it.
Irritates me.

And I cant say anything this way or that - cause then he pulls the I am old what do you know how it feels card
I am getting tired. I want to get pregnant just so he stops talking about it

And my job - they wont give me a positon and I am tired of hanging around waiting.

This sucks

Sorry for the rant - I just need to blah.....

Food

Its 9 in the morning. I got to work a little before 8.30 - I want to eat lunch right now!!!

I am starving. Is that bad?

Happy Birthday to me - belated anyways!

So it was moi birthday...a couple of days ago.

It was fun. Normally it sucks - things going on - too much stress from exams and so on.

But this year it was good. I went to the spa, ate my favourite hot dog and had some cake.

Ok the cake was not my idea. I find that I hate cake.

Yes, really. I do hate it. Its too sweet and too creamy.

I used to like cakes in India. More cakey, less sweet and less creamy. Cakes here seem to use the icing as fillers for real cake.

Which is sad. Anyways, I had told anyone who would hear that I do not want cake. Do not buy me cake. But they did. It was good cheesecake (don't really like that either) but oh well.

Why do people never listen to you. Do you find that if you specifically ask for something that is deemed untraditional you get weird glares...?

I find that too common. Like my cake request. I ask for no cake and get it anyways..not b/c people undermine my request (maybe there is a little bit of that too) but b/c it makes them feel they did all they could and did all the right things. Do you what I mean?

Its like this - I would prefer if no one bought me any gifts for birthday or Christmas. Really. I feel that I have everything and I have the ability to purchase anything I want. There are others in the world who are not so lucky. I would prefer if people simply donate the money they were going to spend on me to charity. Yes I really would. But I always get something or the other. And partly that comes from people wanting to show me that they care - which is fine, I guess.

But this is why this birthday was great! B/c I got calls from people who cared. They didn't shower me with crap. With things just for the heck of it - it was genuine care.

Which was nice.

Freaking Snowstorm - part 2

Its still snowing - I like it. Although my Asthma seems to be getting worse...

Oh well!

Really have nothing to write about today....so here is my random rant

I hate talking to anyone in the morning. Period.

Until I have my cha (tea) - I don't want to look at anyone, don't want to acknowledge anyone and especially don't want to talk to anyone. Everyone knows this about me. Everyone.

Somehow or the other, my in-laws will always try to talk to me in the morning. Regardless of what is happening around me - what the topic is - unless you are going DIE, DO NOT TALK - SILENCE IS FUCKING GOLDEN! (yes, I love Ari Gold) Anyhoo.

I don't think the in-laws talking is deliberate - they love the morning. I clearly don't. If it were upto me I would start all work at 12 noon. But my in-laws love the morning and everything associated with it, including bright freaking halogen lights (topic for some other post). Anyways, so this morning the conversation went like this....

MIL: Do you want some juice

Me: (irritated and sleepy) No.

MIL: Do you want to make some coffee for J (In her head, I don't do enough things for J - I, however, draw the line at coffee)

Me: (Infuriated) No

MIL: Do you think it snowed at night?

Me: (in my head, how the hell should I know, I didn't sit outside all night to see if it snowed...)
(My reply) Silence.

MIL: Bye

Me: ummm.

This is how most conversations in the morning go. Yet, every freaking morning there is something new to talk about. Sometimes I just want to yell but that would break my code. The only reason I don't want to talk is that - I feel compelled to explain my every move to everyone all the time. I don't mind doing that - as usually it shuts people up. In the morning, however, I want to be the one who sets the terms. I want to face the world and everyone in it on my terms - with a warm belly and moisturized face.

I don't think I am asking all that much....do you?

Freaking Snowstorm

Ok so there is a freaking snowstorm in Vancouver.

And guess where am I? At Work. Yes, that's right - I braved the snow and asthma (I woke up at 6 b/c I could not breathe) for work.

Why?

Because of my Indian work ethic. Yes, as a child I was not allowed to call a sick day. My mother more than my father, although he was close, believed that regardless of your health and the weather around you - if your school is open and the bus is going to get there - you have to be on the bus. Period. No ifs and buts. Get your damn ass on the bus ASAP.

I actually remember running for my school bus with a high fever and asthma. Yes, I caught the bus, I think.

Here is the philosophy - regardless of how you feel in the morning, you get dressed and get to school or work. If you don't feel well later on - you can come home. But no, 'ooh, mommy I feel sick can I stay home'. No, no, there will be none of that.

So here I am, in my something 20s and getting to work in a blasted snowstorm. Why, because that was what I was taught. Oh, did I mention that I am the only one at work and my boss is nowhere to be found....?

This is why those kids in India and China are going to take over. The work ethic. They will bust their asses to get the work done. Rain or shine, asthma or no asthma. Amen friend!

Grad

As of 1.30 pm November 22 - I am a graduate. Yes, I had my convocation yesterday and yes, I am not ashamed to say that yes, I felt just a bit better than all those mules (read: students) at UBC. Why, cause I got there and they are still stuck going to those damned classes.

Yes, I am one of those I-am-better-than-you people....

Ok, seriously, I am glad I am done - I hope I dont have to go that damned university again. EVER!

Also...





Take that world!

New

This sort has to do with my last post. I am still humming the music mentioned there...and thinking....

Do you ever wonder how it would have been to be the first set of humans. I do - all the time. Imagine. Everything around you was new.

Yes, I want that new earth feeling. The emptiness of places. The sandy beaches that were new.



Yes, new. The places that were never walked on before...not the used feeling you get now.

As an early human - you knew that certain places were relatively new. Yes, animals and some other pro-humans had walked there...but it was still new.

Not UNTOUCHED! That's what the colonialists' wanted. No, I don't want that.

Its like....what William Cronan says in the 'The Trouble With Wilderness'. No, I am not looking for wilderness with the intent of seeing untouched places. I want new. Fresh and not used. Not polluted.

When you walk on that sand - you know its clean - it is not polluted with plastic or worse.

Anyone ever feel that?

Music is life

I havent done much over the weekend - just lazing around, watched the Lions win the Grey cup and thats that.

Its been pouring buckets - like its crazy!
So the water has been undrinkable. The water was brown 2 days ago - now its milky....ummm tasty!

I have started my own business boiling water and filtering it. No one paid for all the work I did - yet they (the family) took all the bottles of clean water anyway. Umph! They were making fun of me - saying I was obsessed with clean water and so on. But they took all the water....what was that about?

Anyhoo - I am listening to 'Hommage aux Marquises' by the Gitano Family. It is this awesome piece of music that will literally change your life. It is simply beautiful. Get it and listen to it and you will know what music is.....really! It is simply the best.

Someone left a message on my work phone....I have no idea how to retrive the message.

There is a red light on top of the phone that is now on. Its driving me crazy. I forgot the password to access the phone and have no way to listen to the message.

It had happened once before. I just deleted the message to get the light to go away - I am tempted to do the same today.....

Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Thoughts.....

I often wonder if people think the way I do....

Do you?

About anything - life, world, colours, eyes, pencils.....I don't know....do you?

Or is it just me???

Do you ever think if people think the way you do?

Feel free to leave your comments - anything random, any thoughts that come your mind - I'll put them together and make a post out of it...if thats ok. (If anyone leaves a reply....that is!)

Anyways, I wonder if people think the same way, if we really have stuff in common but dont know it yet. Or if there is nothing in common but we want to believe that there is....

To share...I have nothing

So I have nothing extraordinary to share....

Yesterday was Remembrance Day and I went to see the ceremony held at Victory Square.
I was awesome. There were so many veterans and so many people...all there to remember.

I never actually gave it much thought until yesterday.
I never grew up here so I really had no idea what they were remembering and why they were remembering.

But it was clear yesterday. We cannot and must not forget. Not only the World wars but all every other war....

It was nice.

However, you'd think that when they say 'Remember, and dont forget' - people would actually remember and not forget. Clearly not. We still have people fighting in Iraq and Canada has peacekeepers all over the world. Not only that, there are other countries that have soldiers deployed somewhere or the other....and to what end?

Anyways, this is my rant for the day......Dont Forget!

Wow - you really have to be ok w/ your body when you get offered a seat in the bus b/c the person thinks you are pregnant, when you are not, and you accept the seat smilingly.

Yes, that's what happened to me the other day.

First of all let me start by blaming Angelina Jolie. She was the one that started this whole - I am cool cause I am pregnant.... and its cool to be pregnant.
There are so many children born in the city of Vancouver -thanks to Angie. The Govt of Canada should single handedly thank her for increasing our population. No really, the govt was concerned a few years ago that our pop was not increasing fast enough...anyways - thank Jolie-Pitt team!

Here is my thinking about random people assuming that you are pregnant cause you are not rail thin....

Where do you get off judging normal women b/c they don't look emaciated and alien like.....

Now to my experience.

I am Indian - I have an Indian woman's body - yes I have curves and don't have the haunted look on my face cause really I have other things to worry about. And not eating a meal really gets in the way of making decent wage or doing my job. So, no, I don't starve myself. I have always had a belly. Even as a child.
There is nothing wrong w/ me medically - its just who I am.

This has, of course, caused me a lot of grief and pain as random people walking on the street have asked me if I was pregnant. No! and its none of your business! Is my reply.
Everytime this was assumed about me I would go home and cry and not eat. I have been offered seats in the bus b/c of my belly.
Everytime that happened I would glare at the person and snarl.

The other day was different. This woman assumed that I was carrying a child and offered me a seat. And I didn't glare or snarl....I said 'Sure, I'd love the seat'. Took it and sat down. Needless to say the bus was packed.
Now, you might think 'oh, the woman did not do anything wrong. She thought I was pregnant and offered me a seat in a packed bus'. Oh, but you see she did do something wrong there. She made an assumption about me - a complete stranger - and assumed that I am pregnant, b/c my bones weren't showing and I need a seat. That is really why I took the seat.
Not b/c I could not stand in the packed bus but b/c this woman made an assumption by looking at me!
And in my book that is a complete no-no. (One day I will write about the time I got chicken pox b/c I refused to judge a person based on what he looked like. But that is a completely different story)

My problem with the seat giving is that - why make an assumption like that? Why cant people just stick to their own business and not assume someone is pregnant b/c they are not thin? Why? Why the need to look like a model when a real normal woman has too many things to worry about and not enough money to buy her a personal trainer. And how is it anyone's business to assume something so personal about a complete stranger? How is being pregnant or not have anything to do w/ you?

And I have noticed this is always the case w/ pregnancy. People want to touch your belly or ask you personal questions about when the baby is expected or how many months or the sex of the baby...all that crap. When really if you are in the mall shopping - you really should not be asking the woman across from you about when is the child due - cause you know what - it wont make a difference in your world.

I know its all small talk - but why the personal attack?

Dont know where to start....

Anger, frustration, joy, excitement, sadness...were all felt this weekend. I dont want to go into details but it all revolves around us moving out from J's parents' basement.

Yes, Violet - we decided it was time and we told the parents - needless to say they were pissed off. They think its b/c we want to abondon them - how can you tell they are indian parents?
Anyhoo - they were irritated and now are pissed off.

But I am still glad we are going. I, honestly, think it will be best for all involved. It will be good for J and myself, cause we can finally come home drunk and high (no, koolgurl you cant do that cause you are my sis and I wont let you get high w/ out me being there to supervise you) and not get judged.

And it will be good for the parents in question cause they will have time to do things their way. Enjoy themselves w/ out bothering that kids will be around.

Anyways, we just have to find a place.

As if its always that easy!

The thing about yummy mummys

Ok, I will likely get flak for this but wtf, its my blog.

I dont understand yummy mummys. Period. You walk down on the street and you are trying to get somewhere but you cant. Why?

Because of this atrocity.
This is one prototype of what J calls the 'SUV Strollers'. Yes, my dear friends thanks to it being cool to have kids and buying useless junk to make those kids cool, we have the SUV Baby Strollers. Gone are the days when your kids would be happy in whatever. No, you need giantatic baby strollers that block other not-so-cool ppls path - when all you are trying to do is get from Point A to Point B.

I come from Bombay. Getting from Point A to Point B and not doddling is what I live for. Trust me!

You know what I mean, Bombayites out there.

So you are walking - trying to get lunch or catch the bus and your way is blocked by this monstrocity being pushed by a Yummy Mummy. This lady, good looking, a new mom, is always dressed in clothes purchased from Lulu Lemon = everything that is wrong with the Western world. Here is why - you take an idea based in a country far away...in this case, yoga and turn into a fad and make millions while enslaving those poor bastards from the same country where you got your idea from to make those products, in this case clothes, while paying them shit.

But I digress.....

These yummy mummys are everywhere. They are always pushing those huge strollers, while the babies inside are dressed in baby gap or some such crap, hoping their mums notice they are really infants who are going to crap all over this $5000 stroller. They hold the latest offering by Starbucks - "oh, low fat chai latte w/ whipping cream, please. Yes, I am getting back in shape", dressed in yoga wear like its the next Armani and talking to the yummy mummy beside her about the next Bikram's yoga class.

What is wrong with being a mum. Like my mum. She never dressed in yoga clothes thinking she was wearing Armani, Never thought drinking Starbucks and putting me in this SUV stroller was the coolest thing in the world. She was my mum. She gave the best food, best clothes, best attention and all the love in the world w/out being wanting to be hip.

Dont get me wrong - there is nothing wrong with being hip or if you are mom you have every right to exercise and drink any over-priced starbucks beverage you want. But dont make your kids fashion accessories. They are not.

And for chrissakes - stop pushing those big giant strollers on the foot-path where I am supposed to walk!

I feel blue........

J and myself had this huge row - his compliant that I never show any interest in our finances. Yes, true. I do EVERYTHING else. But that is not good enough.

Anyways - I think I should pay more attention - but honestly, it doesnt make sense to me. Yes, I am that idiot. Its too complicated and I feel that if I make a mistake or ask the wrong question I will get yelled at. Its happened in the past.

Oh well. Thats what you get for marrying an idiot. Anyways, to make matters worse - I cant find my paycheque - and I havent told J.

Now do you see his frustration? I really am an idiot and fool. God knows why I just cant get it at some level.

God I need to be put in a mental institution.

I have nothing to write about today - nothing interesting, funny or really important.

This is my rant - if I did live alone or w/ just 1 baby (my husband) I believe that I would be more healthy, more productive and more positive person.

Right now - my in-laws live upstairs and every moment of every day - I am freaked out that they or more correctly my MIL is pissed off at me for something or will blame me for something. I have lived like this for 6 yrs. We might move out soon.........might is the word.

But I like eating healthy, I like being and doing things outside this house and I believe I am a very positive person - if I keep away from the negative influences in my life....only that doesnt happen.

Anyhoo............

It rained today - and I was awesome. I like when it rains - things just seem to stop or atleast slow down.

Moral Dilemma.....

Rock and a Hard Place....



(Image:www.nancydoran.com/2.html)

A few months ago my MIL's priest called from India. He has never done this so it was a big deal. He called to say that me and my SIL's should fast on particular days to avoid a catastrophe.

This practice is quite common in Hinduism (oh, how I hate that word). You are usually advised to fast to sacrifice - when the sacrifice is needed. SIL had to fast for herself - for good things to happen to her. I had to fast for J - something bad was going to happen to him and I had to fast to avoid that. You see my problem....? Being an ardent feminists I have always, always hated this aspect of my religion. If something is going to happen to me - I have to fast but if something is going to happen to my husband I have fast. WTF?

The other problem is this - there is, according to this priest, something bad in the future...bad enough to avoid it. However, if I fast - it can wholly be avoided. How can something that is bad enough, that it should be avoided, can be avoided by me not eating...? You see my logic?

Anyways - needless to say I had already decided I was not going to do it. Partly for the above noted reasons and partly for the fact that I have seen my mum do a billion fasts and never seen anything good come out of it. I decided not to do this. I did not tell my MIL cause, frankly, I don't think its any of her business. I simply said yes whenever she asked me if I would fast. No reason for her to know - besides she would never get what I am saying. I did tell J that this what his mum wanted me to do and this is what I was going to do - or not, in this case.

Fast forward a few months.....

I just found out that J has some liver problem. I don't think its drastic, its reversible, but needs care and attention.

You know where I am going, dont you?

It got me thinking - hey maybe I should have fasted. Totally, unreasonable demand but hey I could fulfil it....

Here is my problem - I still don't think my fasting has anything to do with J's liver. How can my not eating avoid anything........ but what if?


And its always the 'what ifs' in life that get you - right?


As I see it - I have a choice - I can follow that beaten path and make the necessary/ expected choices that will make me feel 'I did what I could...' OR I can find my way....

If you know me - you know I want to take the 'find my way' path - because I don't conform - but........

And there is always a but......

What do you think Violet (you in Sheffield) and Koolgurl (you in Bombay)...? [Hey, as a side note, I can change you nicknames - just let me know]

Retreat

I have been missing for a few days as I was away on a retreat offered by J's firm. It was fun.
We went to Point no Point resort - go there if you like nature or want to just relax!

I have to say I was truly impressed by what I saw. If you are a regular hiker or nature enthusiast then you already know what I am about to say.

We went on a hike to the East Sooke Provincial Park - and oh my god! It was gorgeous. The hike was right by the coast .We were hiking in old growth forest and every so every often you would see what BC truly had to offer - vast stretches of the Ocean with a rugged coast. Water crashing on to the rocks....I have never seen anything like it.


We would wind our way into and out of the old growth forest. And of course, it being October - the trees were at their best. Reds, yellows, oranges and greens were decorated all over the forest. The forest floor was covered in a wide array of colours. I have never seen anything so spectacular!

I was truly amazed.

One of the days I took a walk down to the private beach by the resort and all there was - was water and rocks. As far as I could see. I walked on to the rocks and there was real marine life there. Untouched!
Mussels, clams, sea anamones, barnacles...all in shallow pools of water. I even tried to pull one of the mussels out - it didnt come out.

It was a real eye-opener....I really enjoyed myself and for a change I will know what people are talking about when they say - Super-Natural BC (that's what it says on our license plates!).

Steven Soderbergh Your film will be 55% romantic, 21% comedy, 51% complex plot, and a $ 36 million budget.

Filmography: Sex Lies and Videotape, Traffic, Ocean's Eleven, Ocean's Twelve, Erin Brockovich, and various other homemade independent films. He may just want to follow you around for a few months and construct a film out of that. Your humor is either dry or non-existant, but your life is somewhat exciting romantically because you're "bad." At least you'll be surrounded by the best-looking people who will be cast as your friends, who in real life are probably just as good-looking. Then when he wins the Academy Award for your film, he won't have to make anymore "Ocean's" films.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 27% on action-romance You scored higher than 7% on humor You scored higher than 92% on complexity You scored higher than 73% on budge

Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test written by bingomosquito on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

IS IT REALLY...!?

Punched

I got punched today - by life.

It caught up with me....once again.

I need to keep running....I say thats the best option. :-)

The other day we were watching TV and J walks in with a pomegranate.

He peeled it and offered it to me.




I guess he still loves me after 7 years.....

Psychic

I saw the earthquake in Hawaii. Just like I saw the earthquake/tsunami in Asia. No I was in neither of these places when it happened.

Do you think I am crazy? If you do - that's fine with me.

If you don't - well, here is what is freaking me out.

I saw the earthquake/tsunami in Asia. I was sleeping...I had a dream. A very vivid dream. There was an earthquake and there was water everywhere. I was looking for my sister - she had run outside cause we had an argument. Anyways, I ran after her and all I could see and as far as I could see - there was water. In the dream, I found my sister clinging to the base of the house. All the houses were on slilts and my sister was clinging on to one of them.

Anyways, I woke up and saw the headlines. There was an earthquake and tsunami in Southeast Asia. I was freaked out but thought it was a weird coincidence. I moved on.

Then I had a dream about the London bombings. I had a dream about a bomb going off on a train. As usual I was looking for my sister and I woke up to find that a bomb had gone off in London.

I had a similar dream about the bombs going off in Bombay.

I also had a dream about a bus getting into an accident and the people drowning. The same day, I woke up that a bus indeed had an accident in Tamil Nadu and the passengers drowned.

I am writing this post because of the Hawaii earthquake. I had dream about the earthquake and there were landslides and things falling. I was trying to protect my sister and a turtle (god knows why a turtle, but yes, I tried to save it). I didn't know anything about the earthquake until that evening.

Now this all may be a coincidence. We all know that there are hundreds of earthquakes happening everyday. In this day and age - we cant be all that surprised about bombings either. I must have seen TV with a program about turtles. Whatever, maybe I am crazy but a small part of my thinks I am not.

And I am freaking out. I haven't told anyone close to me cause I don't want them to think I am crazy or an attention seeker but I need to let this one out.

WTF?

I ate raw oysters....they taste yummy!

Try them if you have a chance.

The truth

I have lived in Canada for 6 years. I am now a citizen but obviously came here as an immigrant. I moved here because I married the sweetest guy on this planet. I moved half way around the world to be with him. I left a place I never wanted to leave to be with him. Only b/c I don't think he can live in India. I don't want to delude myself into thinking that.
Even though I love him to bits - he cannot live there. Life there is harder, more difficult, more real and less luxurious.

Let me tell you the truth - Its been hard. Its been very hard moving here and adjusting. Not b/c I come from the third world and feel blessed at being in N.A. Its been hard b/c of things that everyone takes for granted - doesn't come that easily to an immigrant or a foreign born person.
I miss calling my friends up.
I miss going over their house and hanging out.
I miss talking to my sister everyday.
I miss my family.
I miss walking on the streets of Bombay.
I miss being home.
I miss the feeling of being home.

As you can see the list can go on.

I miss things that normal people don't even notice.

Its fucking hard to be away. It doesn't matter how long you've been there or how long ago you left - IT IS DIFFICULT.

I am not here for pity - I am only telling you the truth.

And I myself am to blame. I will always feel that loss. Each day that I am here - I will feel like going home. I will miss the familiar. And everytime I visit home - I will want to be back here. As you can see - I have dug myself a grave! :)

Here is a message to all of you.

If you are looking to moving to another country - think twice. Especially, you Indian kids who want to go to 'foreign' - to experience the US or London - cause it just looks so damn cool in the movies - is that what you want? Or is it what your parents want cause they could never leave? It is really so bad where you are? Think about this. Life anywhere is nothing like the movies. Think!

If you are in one of those countries that has its fair share of its immigrants - think - these people left their homes because of something. More than likely - they miss their home and their families. Be nice to them. Life is not all about resources and what you have and how much amass. Be nice to them - they will really appreciate it. They really will.

As for me - I have resigned myself to living here. I know I cant have everything in life. I know that my kids will never really know what my life was back home. They will maybe visit their grandparents 6-7 times. They will probably think of me as a loser who never really moved on. I will never be able to enjoy endless hours with my sister - she will probably never even come here. Nor will any of my family (it costs too much money). I dug myself a grave and now I have to lie here.

Its not all sad tough - I will live in a beautiful city, with someone I love. I will visit home as and when I can. I know for a fact that at least my sister and brother will never have to feel the way I do - they will always be together, will always have their friends a phone call away. They will have a family to be with. It will be fine.

Every now and then though - I will miss the most wonderful place in the world.

Home

Home is where the heart is - and I left mine back in Bombay.

I want to quit my job and leave for home.

I am tired. Tired of pretending I am one of them, tired of trying to fit in, tired of being like everyone else, I just want to go home.

Take me home.

Heaven and Hell

I have wondered this for a few days....
How do we know there is a heaven or a hell? Or for you Hindus (I hate using that word, will outline the reasons in some other post!) how do you know that someone is rewarded for their good karma and punished for the bad ones?

Really how do you know? There is no way of knowing...just like whether God exists or this universe is a garbled mix of gases and explosions....

Think of it there is no way of knowing!!!!!!

I think this dichotomous concept is a way of moving on with your life....you see some assho!e going through life as if it was a party. He has the money, the women (or men), flashy cars, big houses, good enough family but deep down he is an assho!e. He is the guy who makes millions out of other people's misery. He is the guy responsible for thousands of sweat shop workers or the billions of poor immigrant women being sold as sex slaves.

And then there is you!

The guy or girl who means no harm, wants a decent house (nothing too big), wants a car that gets you to work and you want to eat a decent meal in the evening. Hell, you even think that if you won a million dollars you would donate it to some charity. And you get treated like crap by life.


(Image by Mark Parisi, www.offthemark.com)


You go on living this life saying this assho!e guy will go to hell or will come back as cat (normally I would have said dog but I love dogs!). Really it is only you and people like you who have made up this idea, me included. It is our way of going through life and hoping something out there makes it worthwhile to live a good life.

Here is my question - what if that's all it is? What if there is no reward system designed by god? What if we all go to the same place...good or bad.

Movies

I love watching movies!
I saw the new Martin Scorcese flick - The Departed - watch it - its truly amazing. I thought Jack Nicholson was a bit off the top but Matt Damon, Leo and Alec Bladwin were awesome.
Go watch it!!!!

I also saw 'Where the truth lies' with Colin Firth and Kevin Bacon. It was really good - I wonder why it didnt do so good at the box office!

I love reading blogs...
They are a way of connecting people across time and space. They are say written 3 years ago in a city in U.K or India, written by a person whom you probably will never meet, but will know the slightest little things that bug them. Their stories become part of you - you read a post and take it with you. You think about what it said, why the person mentioned it in the first place. It truly connects people in a way that no other medium does.

Contrary to most other bloggers - I don't want to be a writer. I am not going to lie - I have thought more than once that I should write a book. But that is not why I am writing my blog. I am writing it because it keeps me on track. Let me explain.

I moved to Vancouver from Bombay some 6 years ago. No, I never dreamed about living in a foreign land, far away from the most awesome city in the world. I met someone - I was 19 he was 29 and I knew I had to give it a try. We connected and we still do after about 7 years of being married. And I am glad I gave it a try. So I moved to his country as I spoke English and he spoke no Hindi what so ever. And I moved to Vancouver and found it incredibly hard to move on. Move on from Bombay. I am still stuck. I love Bombay too much. It kills me everyday that I am not there. I miss my family - whom I have not seen for 4 years (there are other reasons - which might be outlined in some other post)

It was hard being in a country so different from mine. Hard to understand the totally different priorities people have here. I have nothing against them or this country. But its very different. Its been too hard sometimes, Yet, I think I have adjusted well. I am done my bachelors in Anthropology and Geography (yes, hence the space and time thingy at the start of the post). I have a job - though not permanent - I still get paid a decent amount and I actually like what I do.

All this has a downer though. I became incredibly negative with every thing in my life. Everything was too far - not enough. I know I wasn't that negative back home. I know it cause I always thought good things even when things around me didn't work. I would be optimistic. I wasn't anymore - 6 years into my life in Vancouver. There was nothing specific that made me that way - its just that my life was taking a toll on me. And then I started blogging. It hasn't been that long, about a month. But I am being positive. And you have to know that it has made a huge difference in my life. I am positive. I am not blindly so but I am positive and that's what I need. I need to look at life without the negative. I feel happy and different. Its good.

Lunch

I have been lazy - and have not packed any lunch for work. Everytime I find myself in this situation - I miss home. Back there - you could walk out and eat any of these things -


Vada Pav - got to be my favourite and dubbed as poor man's burger. Bun with a deep fried potato ball, lavished with different kinds of chutneys. Its like a party in your mouth.



Veg Sandwich - think grilled cheese sandwich with tomatoes, cukes, peppers and onions. You will die and go to heaven. (Dont have a picture but use your mind)



Samosa - not your avg white-version of samosa - I am talking spicy, hot and fresh samosa!



Idli - white rice cake eaten with a vegetable stew and chutneys.





Dosa - same deal as the idli but is a savoury crepe.





Pav Bhaiji - more of a dinner thing - but is a vegetable stew served with a bun.



I could go on - but you get the picture....

So now that I am in Vancouver - I have a choice of Mexican, Sushi, Greek, Italian, Indian or soups, sandwiches....all within 10 minutes of walking from work!

The problem is its all sort of expensive. Any food I buy here - will cost me about on average $10. Not too much you say - but it is too much! I dont want to spend that much money to eat a lunch. And it gets expensive if you buy it 2 or 3 days a week. I wish my above pictured (and not pictured, as in the case of grilled veg ) was available here.

Maybe I am just spoiled - or miss home. I think its the latter.

I have decided I need to get a tattoo. I am at a point in my life that needs inspiration and focus. It has to be my Zodiac sign - Sagittarius. It tells my to aim higher and be optimistic.
So this will be my next tattoo.

Maybe on my left arm - cause I am left handed - or on my upper back.
What do you think?

Angry

Ok, for this post all you need to know is that I work for a union. I was hired as a co-op student (if you don't know what means - I cannot help you because I don't want to) and am still working here even though my co-op has ended. That was two months ago.
I am working for a union, without a contract, for the same amount that I was paid as a co-op student. I am getting slammed at work. But I have no contract, no extra pay and come November I could be asked to leave.
Thank you very much, your services were greatly appreciated, smiles smiles, good luck - au revior!

I want to quit! I want to quit! I cant - becuase I dont have another job lined up! but oh dear lord I want to quit!
Please something needs to change or I might snap!

I don't understand the concept of being passive-aggressive. To me its very simple, if something irritates me - I'd like to go out and say it and maybe have an argument, hell, have a fight and cry and...its over.

I do not like seething in anger. Of marinating in hatred and fury. It seems to me that that would wrinkle me as a human. All that hatred and frustration built-up inside of you - will only kill you (most of the times literally). I truly believe it.

Now, you may say, ah this a naive girl! Life doesn't always give you those opportunities to yell and scream and get it out! Trust me I know. Having been married for 7 years and being bought up in an typical Indian household I know that. I saw my mum deal with this pent up frustration all her life. My parents did have the perfect marriage. In fact, I think it was less than mediocre. Lots of problems, resentment and so on. Anyways, I saw my mum being frustrated and angry at my dad and I saw her vocalize it every once in awhile.

Having been married and living in very close proximity with my in-laws - I too know the perils of 'opening your mouth too fast'. I have said things that bother me and this has only led to resentment. I was and still am a big believer in vocalising your problems and issues and talking things out. But no one in J's family believes in that. My MIL, especially, stores things and takes it out in moments of complete passive-aggressiveness. AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! She will say and do things that sometimes completely allude me, and then I think and think and it comes to me! Ah ha, that was a reference to 2 months ago when I said this and this.

For example, a week ago I come home from work and walk into my basement and see this box of crackers, lying around. I think that's weird, I did not leave it here. Whatever, I go back to daydreaming (which is what I do most of the time). Then it hits me! Of course, I should have known. My MIL put that box of crackers there because about 6 months ago I was jokingly complaining of the last bit of crackers that disappeared from the kitchen. I was laughing when I said, oh sure there are never any crackers for me! No harm intended and get this I never once mentioned this directly to her. She was in the room when I said this.

Now, to a normal person, if something likes this happens, you just ask what was all that about or are you serious? No, here she waited for 6 months to buy a box of crackers (the exact kind) and then instead of throwing them in my face (which again a normal person would do) she put them where I could see them. WTF?
See it bugs me and I want to scream.

Now, because if such above mentioned behaviour, I have found I have altered my behaviour as well. No, no I haven't become passive-aggressive. I just let things go. If she makes me angry - I just let it go. As much as I would like to tell it to her 'as it is' - I just breathe and let it go. To me there is no point if we cannot talk like adults and solve problems. What is the point? I will mention something and she will be completely passive and then 6 months later - BAM - she comes back with a vengeance. I don't need that and she does not need that and most of all J does not need that.

Do you think that is the best way to deal with passive-aggressive people? Are you passive-aggressive? Do you know someone who is (of course you do)? How do you deal with it?

I saw this guy on the skytrain the other day - he had a bag full of crossword puzzle books and candies. He ate two boxes of candies in a matter of 1/2 an hour. I wonder what his deal was....he was a grown man, looked decent, not crazy, but he was popping candylike...well candy. I would have a sugar rush if I ate that much candy....

Rob Thomas

I like Rob Thomas - I have decided. He looks like a typical white boy but I think he has a good voice.
I have downloaded his songs into my ipod.

Irish-Persian Connection! (A long one)

So I was getting my regular massage done and my massage therapist asks me where I get my eyebrows done?

Now this is significant cause if you are a brown girl reading this or know a brown girl - you just about know how difficult it is to find a good threading lady - that sculpts your eyebrows into your desired shape. Yes, I am talking about that ancient Indian art of using nothing but a thread to perfect your brows! And yes, these threading ladies are difficult to find. Ask my friend Violet who recently moved to UK and as far as I know has yet to find that lady. She there somewhere...in Sheffield with her thread ready in hand waiting for my friend to find her. Hang in there, dear friend!

Anyways, I tell my massage therapist, lets call her - Rhea (my fav name) - that I usually see the crazy persian lady. Yes, she is crazy but not crazy in koo-koo crazy - but crazy because of the following reasons:

a) I have been seeing her for about 2 years now and every single time - I have called her - she has asked me in a middle-eastern accent - "Could you come now?". The emphasis is on the 'now'. As in now - damn it - not 10 minutes from now but now. You might as well call her from outside her salon - cause she expects you there within 5 minutes of the call!

b) here is where the irish-persian connection comes in from the title of the thread. Her salon is called Delany's Family Hair Kare. This is the most funny part to me. Why is this woman, clearly the owner, named her salon after an Irish last name? And that too decided to spell 'care' with a 'K'. So everytime I call she or her husband answer again in a middle-eastern accent - 'Delany's'. It always takes me a few seconds to realize what I am doing.

c) Her husband: a very nice retired man hangs out at the salon all day. What does he do? He watchs TV all day. Yes, all day. They have a TV - that is always playing some arabic serial - and he watches it all day long. He wont talk to you, wont bother you - he is guy sitting in the corner watching TV.

d) Her son: works for Bell, a telecommunications company at a nearby mall. I did not know this guy trying to get me to buy a cell phone I did not need was her son, until crazy persian lady walks in while I was in the midst of haggling with this dude. I was asking this dude (I dont know his name) why he was trying to 'sell me this cellphone when I clearly said that I dont need....' In walks the crazy persian lady with lunch in her hand. The dude looks up over my shoulder and I turn around. I see her and give her a smile. She asks me 'How are yooooou?' (for some reason its always 'yooooou', maybe its the accent or maybe she just pities the girl who doesnt have her parents in the same continent!). She then admonishes her son for forgetting to pick up the lunch - all in arabic. No, I dont speak arabic but I know when a kid is being yelled by his mom for not taking his/her lunch, just from experiance! She then walks away.

e) Saturaday's Delany's: it is next to impossible to get an appointment to see my crazy persian lady as she is slammed on Saturdays. She is maybe in her 50s. She is not ancient and one could describe her as a good looking mature woman. I did manage to wiggle in one Saturday and found out why she is soooooo busy. Being a good looking ethnic woman who gives, what I can only guess - decent haircuts for $10, she has a lot of older men coming in to get their haircut. Now this in itself may not strike you as funny or odd. But a lot of these men come in and very sweetly flirt with her. I find this very endearing and also somewhat funny as she and her husband (who sitting just a few feet away watching TV) are completely oblivious to all this. My CP lady always acts very professional and will cut the hair and send them their way.


Actually having written this - I dont think that the persian lady that is crazy, its just my Anthropologic side that observes these things and sees the crazy side. I do like my esthetician a lot. She hugged me when she found that my family is way back home and I havent actually seen them for 4 years. It was a very obvious motherly hug - that as you can guess I dont get all too often. She has found a place in my heart through that hug - it really reminded me of my mom. I miss you a lot mom!

Lunch and chocolate croissants!

I just came back from lunch - I had one of those yummy baguettes and a chocolate croissants from Cafe Crape. Now, if you ever visit Vancouver, you have to try Cafe Crape. They have awesome crapes and sandwiches. There is like 3 of them downtown!

On Chocolate Croissants - whoever thought of putting chocolate in bread and baking it - is the most brillant person on this planet. I had not known they existed until about 3 years ago. I was working for Bard on Beach, our very own Shakespeare festival and went out to lunch. There is an awesome bakery on Cypress and 1st-ish whose name I forget. Any ways its one of those cafe/bakery places that makes everything on the premises and only makes a certain amount. I walk in and look for some sort of a neat sandwich, which btw was also divine - a pesto, veg sandwich - that had pesto, fresh mozza, veggies and was grilled right in front of you. Heavenly! It reminded me of veg sandwiches you get in near Mithibai, back home (but that is another thread).
And as dessert I order the last chocolate croissant! I have to say my life has never been the same again.
That delicious croissant absolutely changed my life forever!
From that day on - I have tried several different chocolate croissants and most of them have made me happy!
What I hate about 'chocolate croissant' is that some places dont bother to put the extra chocolate inside the croissant and simply put some on top. So you buy it thinking - ooooh chocolate croissant with a delicious extra bit of chocolate inside and bit it - all happy, with your eyes shut in sheer anticipation of biting into that cushy bit of chocolate and find - whhhat? No chocolate inside? Maybe next bite? The next one after that?
What nooooooooooo!
Breaks my heart!

I mean why call it chocolate croissant at all then? Its just croissant with chocolate dribbled on top - cause you probably wanted to charge me extra for the 3 lines of chocolate you put on top and that too as an after thought!
Humph!

Apple-Nectarine Crumble

I made apple-nectarine crumble last night after a less-than-stellar dinner. I think I out way too much butter....
it was delicious!

Planning

I am the kind of person who likes to plan in advance. Not over-plan anything but plan it well so nothing goes wrong. I feel you can never start too early but you can start too late!
My work is one such place. There has been something going on at work and honestly I dont know what. The ED is on leave and the staff are wondering who is the head. We are often wondering who to email stuff to and who not to.
Now there is an event in October that we usually offer. This event, being an event, needs planning. This has not been done. For the past month, we have been asking if this event is infact going to occur and if it is - we need to start planning right away. Today I get the news that we are in-fact going ahead with this event and we are starting to plan for something that is 3 weeks away. I can tell we need more time.
But nooooooooooo, that would make everyone's life easy and they cant do that can they?
So guess who gets chosen to run with this project? Yours truly!
As much as I like a challenge and this one will be a good one - I really think it will be smart for the org to drop this one out. Too many things are bound to go wrong and everything will come down to my head!

Damned to need to buy good clothes and eat good food!!!!

Chocolat

The absolute weakness of every woman!
I have a box of chocolates sitting on my desk - I am afraid to touch it in case I open it and finish all of them (I already had one for breakfast!).
Gail, my co-worker, was recently in LA and decided to bring us some fine Godiva chocolates. However, she is on a diet and so is my other co-worker and that leaves me! I have the box all to myself. Which is all too fine with me.

More time on the treadmill today!

Cheesy

I have a very cheesy song in my head. The worst part is I dont know the lyrics so its only music that loops and goes on and on.....

I remembered the other day - in my list of favourite accents - I forgot the Irish accent (like Daniel Day Lewis in 'In the Name of the Father'. Although honestly I dont know if it was the accent of if it was DDL). That is one cool accent it would third on my list shared with the Eastern European accent.

On a side note - I ate crab the other day - it was good. I think it is easier for me to eat seafood than meat. I will actively try to eat more seafood and from my experiance the more expensive the better....case in point lobster and scallops!

The British

I love all things British! I don't know if it has anything to do with me being from India or just my general fascination...But I love the British. My best friend is now in UK - I envy here for being around all those ppl with sexy British accents. Damn - North American accent really doesn't do it for me!
Australian accent - now that is another story! Oh my god - in my university in the the Geography dept - there were so many hunky and geeky Australians - and every time they would talk - I would be like - 'uh ha, go on, I am listening'. They do by far have the sexist accents. Here is my list of top three sexist accents -
1) Australians
2)British
3) Eastern European

Anyways, apart from accents I do love all things British - in a wierd way. They way they talk about their politicians, the way BBC reports about world problems, the articles are always so grammatically correct, they fascination with curry - all very peculiar but cool things.

I am freaking drunk - this either rocks or sucks big time i dont know....


I hate my life! I want to be back home....I miss Bombay!

Too many stories - I dont feel like writing....

Maybe a small one.

So I have family in St. Louis, Missouri. St. Lunatics in the house! (I really doubt S and K would get that referance)
Anyways, called them today as it is part of my not being negative and trying to keep in touch with ppl that normally bug me.
Anyways - they were talking about taking a trip here and I was like nooooooooooooo
This has nothing to do with me being negative - its b/c they want to come here in the last week of November. My wedding anniversary is on Nov 25th and I would for a change like to go away somewhere. I havent done so in the past 7 years. But other than that - I would love for them to be here as it also my graduation that Thursday and it would be nice to have family around.

Of course, that brings me to my sil's question upon hearing about my grad ceremony - "Are your parents coming?" Now why in the whole wide world would she say that? She knows they are not coming - they are in India for christssake! They cannot come here - Bitch!
Anyways - thats my drivel (Yes a new word read it on some other blog)
Anyways must go - have to call San Fran and hear them complaining about me. Oh the joy of having an Indian family!

Natak

Natak is a Hindi word for Drama. As in stage performance but is also used as in someone being dramatic, or just someone being a drama queen.
Now this is what I think epitomizes Natak.
My lovely husband - likes to do natak every once in awhile (who doesn't?)
So yesterday being Thursday was a vegetarian day at home. Now this has nothing to with any Indian philosophy. My in-laws just don't eat meat, albeit grudgingly, on Thursday. Why you may ask - cause they are religious and would like to do so.
I have no problems with that - you believe in something go ahead and believe it -- just don't shove it down my throat.
Bless them - they never have - although this might have something to do with me being a vegetarian!

Anyways, Now I mentioned that my in-laws are religious and sometimes a little too much, I think, and J has always thought so.
He is always the one condemning them for a thousand 'tree burning' ceremonies and 'temple thumping' (as I like to describe it).
So yesterday I make dinner - a complete Hindu vegetarian dinner that would make any Hindu vegetarian proud.

I then defrost a chicken breast at the gentle cajoling of my mil - she only mentioned 5 times 'what would J eat today'. As far as I was concerned - he could eat whatever. I had made dinner, if he did not like it, he could make something himself. I, being a dil of course, did not say this b/c however forward my mil thinks she is - she really is not when it comes to men cooking for themselves, although she'd like to think she is (and I don't like to point that out as you might've guessed).
Anyways, so I marinate the chicken and then go downstairs to dress for the gym. Oh did I forget to mention that I postponed gym for 2 hours (while cooking dinner and marinating chicken).
Anyways - I go downstairs and J is home. While I am stepping out I tell J 'I marinated chicken for you'.
He goes into tantrum mode - which I have to say I found funny.
He accused me to "trying to feed him chicken on Thursday, when he has for the past 1 month been trying to avoid eating meat on Thursdays and I was informed that he was trying to hint this to me. This, of course, is news to me. Not only b/c I know my husband will never be a vegetarian cause he likes to eat anything that crawls on this planet and relish it to its fullest but also because he is not religious at all, in fact, it physically hurts him to go to the temple every once in two years. The was it seems to me is that he'd rather die and come back as a dog the next life than step into the temple. For all I know he is the anti-Christ himself (there is no Hindu equivalent of the anti-Christ hence the borrowing from the Christian philosophy. Sorry!)

Now - this is more funny because that my lovely dear husband does this all the time. He becomes religious and then complains that his parents are too religious.
So him telling me that he trying not to eat meat on Thursdays just means 'I am feeling religious this month next month might be different'.


Lets see how long this lasts.

Fall

The signs are all there....fall is creeping up. There is frost on our old toyota corolla, my plants look like they are on the verge of being frozen, and I actually have wear a fleece to go out the door.
This kind of sucks - although honestly I am looking forward to rain.
There is something very romantic about rain - its cold and there is certain slow deliberate dance that raindrops perform when they hit the pavement. Each on its own yet they all come down in harmony.
Very Romatic.
Its also the perfect day to be home, sit by the fireplace with a book and some peppermint tea.

King of Queens

I was watching an episode of King of Queens yesterday - dont know if it was repeat but anyways - it was the one where Deacon and Kelly tell Carrie and Doug that they cant hang out together cause they found another couple with kids. The episode was funny cause the rest of the time, Carrie and Doug go around looking for a new couple...that is now us. Really literally every couple we know either already has kids or is about to pop one out.
That is wierd coincidence. Considering that many of the couples we know are much younger than J.
Anyways it it bugs me to no end - I dont know if it is b/c I want to be one of them or it is b/c we are loosing all of our friends cause everyone has their shit together and we dont. Maybe we do but you know what I mean?
Anyways - today I was feeling guilty about being preggers and then it dawned on me why shd I? Just b/c all of our friends have gotten busy for the past yr doesnt mean I have to....besides I made a life change by moving here and leaving everything behind back home I think J can live w/o a child for a yr. I think it will be alright.

Anyways - that my rant for the day.
Other than that - mil is on a no-talk zone w/ me now. It bugs me b/c she is so passive-aggressive...just say what you want to say and get over it. Dont sulk and make faces and leave me to guess what the fuck is wrong w/ you. I'd much rather hear someone yell and scream and get it all out that play this game.
I wonder what motivates ppl to do this....
Doesnt it ever bug you that ppl just store any negative feelings and dont deal with it?

Speaking of negative feelings -I have consciously tried to think positive. Its a different world out there - when you are being positive no this will never happen whats the point crap - just true be positive!

You Are 24% Cynical

Generally you give people the benefit of the doubt. But there are exceptions. You buy into many of the things that mainstream society believes, but you're not anybody's fool.

How Cynical Are You?

Hollywoodland

I just the movie yesterday and have to say- it was awesome.
Ben Affleck, Adrian Brody and Diane Lane - were all very good....must see!

Feisty

Ok, for some reason I feel very feisty today...dont really know why.
I also feel like moving and running and jumping...I feel like having a rhythm....

Didnt have all that good of a weekend and I could very well find out that I dont have a job come October but I feel strangely up....something is up....I can feel it - its moving and creating this buzz in my head.
I can always tell...

I have been actively posting on Orkut...its good. I met so many school mates its wierd all of them grown up ready to face the world. Have also made new friends...which is nice since after moving to this city my list of friends quickly was a list no more....
Have been in touch with Violet - she is adjusting to her new life in UK. Which is nice and everytime I email her or get an email from her - I go back 5 years...when I first moved here and it was new, exciting, different, depressing, totally cool, and totally boring all at the same time.

I miss those days - it was a lot of fun in Victoria....but alas no more.

Song of the hour - Suddenly I see - KT Turnstall.

So I really have nothing to say - just this rhythm that makes me want dance and run....
It all started after I found out that A.K. were pregnant. That leaves only me and J without a child . Really! Which makes me sad - totally sad cause I know that this is killing J like no other thing in the world. It is killing me too. But at the same time - there is the rhythm. Its beating in my head. Things seem ok for the first time in some odd weeks. Why? I have no freaking clue - but they do.
I just think - and it became clear to me just today while I was eating my Couscous...that its not the time or what is really happening that is making me sad..its what is around me. And if that is the case - then it really doesnt matter does it? Cause its around me and I can choose not to be around this toxicity....Get it? I cant explain it.

So I really do believe in the general goodness of this world. No I am not naive - I do think that generally people are good and want to do good but someturns that life takes on them makes them a$$holes!
No I dont think I am one of those a-holes. Why, you may wonder - well its because no matter how sad and depressed I am, how generally lonely I feel, how miserable I think the universe is being to me - I am positive and do believe that others (people around me) do not need to be treated like shit. Case in point - right now.
I feel horrible and miserable. I am sad and depressed. But I really doubt anyone else knows this. Now this might be just cause they are too wrapped up in their shit to notice me - but I have been nothing but nice to J or his mum or his sister and for that matter his dog.

Today, like too many saturdays - was not my day. It started with his mum being bitchy and complaining about things that I cant bother to type in here. Then as usual, there was lawn mowing. This excruciating job had to be done and was done. Everytime I had to touch the grass with my bare hands I wanted to die. By the end of it I was covered in grass and mofo's (thanks to J). I was nice and polite all the way through. Cause I knew it wasnt me - it was the lawn that was pissing him off. Then after the football game we came home. Everything was a-ok till then.
We come in and he was fuming - for god knows what. I decided to hide upstairs - went to get my laptop and he started the when can I take days off? When can we paint the ceiling, I cant take time off b/c of you so on and so forth. Again I walked away.....
But now I feel like screaming my head off. WTF? He gives me mixed signals - and I just wish he would come out and say it. Last week he spent all his time saying he was proud of me for achieving so much in so little time and today he is like find a freaking job so I can book vacation days off.
There is only so much I can take....and I am fast approaching my limit.
While we were watching football - I was feeling like 3 years ago. I almost convinced myself to stop eating....I dont want to go down that path. Not again - but it feels like the only thing I can do.
He needs to know that right now the last thing I need to hear is - find a job. WHF do you think I have been doing for past 2 months? I have no help, nothing to work with and trust me I am doing the best I humanly can.....
maybe its not enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!