I hate...

my work.

I do. I think that much is clear to anyone/everyone.

I keep getting asked to do things that I have no experience in and have no desire to do as - I dont get paid to do it.

I am now getting asked to do things that our lawyers are supposed to do. I dont get paid to do it. I should refuse but a) cant risk getting fired b) it will be good experience albeit I dont like being taken advantage of.

I cannot wait until July seriously, I want to focus of what is important and work is not important to me. My little baby is...and I dont get the time to enjoy or focus on that b/c of all the crap around me. This includes but is not limited to work. Seriously, I just wish I could be in a bubble and enjoy myself and my baby and everything around me is making me not enjoy it and it is driving me crazy.


Anyhoo, I have too many worries and not enough energy to be a full person that everyone expects me to be. I always feel like I am running on low battery due to the sheer physical and emotional drain from everything that is happening.

To add to all of this, my mil is talking to ppl in India who have called my parents asking them to talk to me re: baby shower. I dont need this.

I dont think mil gets that. I think she is so used to throwing a drama/tantrum when she doesnt get her way that she is doing so right now without thinking of what I want and what I might be going through. We have even told her our financial troubles, my job situation and all she insinuated was that I was being negative and all I needed to do was be positive and all would be well. Where the fuck did that come from? I dont know if she thinks I am making all this up (my work problems).

Anyways, I am just too tired of all this and want to leave. I want to hide in a bubble. I am actually going to avoid going over - b/c I cant take the drama and actually think that I will lose it and say something awful.

As for my work - I am going to try and take one thing at a time and hope it works and if it doesnt it doesnt and there is nothing I can do.