Kayaking

So I am in Egmont BC for J's firm's retreat. Which is awesome!

Anyhoo, I went kayaking for the first time in my life - it awesome!

I have been canoeing but kayaking was a first. It was a lot of fun!

However, you have to have upper body strength - which I dont. So every now and then, I had to just stop rowing - or whatever it is called. We went in a group and everyone else was ahead of me - but it was okay. I had fun, except next time I would take time to wander around by myself. This was a guided tour - so we were guided but there are other things I wanted to do - just hang out and see the jelly fishes for a little bit and so on.

Anyways, I had fun. Afterwards I came to the room had a nap and hot shower.

Its been fun for a while.

Poor J, he has been in a meeting all day.

Evil

I have been evil.

Yesterday, after leaving work - I went to buy some luggage since the one I have is falling apart.

I couldnt find one so then decided I should walk home - so I was walking and checking messages on my phone.

I had two messages from my acupunturist. Fuck! Acupuncture! I had totally forgotten! One was at 4pm asking me if I was going to be there and one a 4.30pm telling me that clearly I wasnt going to be there and that she didnt want to charge me and had an opening today that she could fit me in.

What did I do?

I got home and called her.

She picked up the phone and I told her that I had cancelled the appointment. I lied to my nice acupuncturist!

I told her I had cancelled and could not make it to the one today cause, well I couldnt. I was feeling horrible. But the alternative was paying $75 which I wouldnt get back from my benefits provider cause I had no receipt. I was talking to her and happened to mention luggage shopping and she offered me her luggage! I felt even more horrible! I am terrible person. Only way to make it up - somewhat is to buy her some small token for her from Italy.

Things I am looking forward to!

Ok, its getting really close to me going away on a vacation. This one will be real one - a full 3.5 weeks of f@#king around in Italy. Literally and figuratively.

So this is the first time I am going Europe. And first time in a country that has a language I dont speak. So it will be interesting. We chose Italy because both myself and J love food and wine and culture. And there is a lot of it there! Plus, it is such a romantic country! I am really looking forward to it all! Some of things in no particular order are:

The food - all the cheese, bread and pastas and everything in between

The Wine - and lots of it!

Some coffee - I dont drink coffee but I will try it there!

I love that we have nothing booked - so we can spend as much time anywhere we like. I love that if we think we need to spend 2 weeks in Rome we can!

The gondola ride in the grand canal

Being in Florence - reminding me of one of my fav movies 'Room with a view'

Seeing Pompeii

Seeing Italy pass us by as we sip wine

Probably a drive around Tuscany

Being able to see all of this with J

Not having to show up to work

Not having to think about work and in-laws and the politics of it all

Maybe getting pregnant in Italy. I have to say I am really looking forward to that more than anything else. There is nothing in the world that would make me happier. I also think it would be fun to name that child something completely Italian and screw him/her for life a la the namesake! Ok, obviously I am joking.

I am not writing this post to make you jealous or anything just that both J and myself have worked so hard for so long. We really deserve this and I think it will be fun. We will be broke by the time we get back but WTF! You only live once.

Yippieeeee! Besides work is so stressful right now that I would do anything to not be here right now.

Ok I am out for today!

I am catching a cold. Yes I am.

Damn it!

what else?

Monday is by far the most difficult day of the week. You enjoyed two full days of doing nothing or doing things that actually please you and then, Monday comes and you've got to do things you dont want to!

Anyhoo, its nearly time for me to go away to Italy. I am excited and looking forward to it! I cant wait to get away from work! Its getting more and more difficult to work here and I can actually feel the strain of things when I walk in. The only thing that keeps me coming is the paycheque, of course, and my co-workers!

Anyways, a month away will be good!

Bollywood magic - part 2

I was very young when I first saw the movie 'Naam' and heard this song. I remember my mum crying - I didnt understand it but I remember my mum crying.



Everytime I hear this song, I understand why. I was working and listening to music when this song came on - and yes, I was bawling my eyes out. Its a beautiful song and I completely get it now.

You have to hear it to understand what he is singing about but its about Indian expats in Uk or America, I think. He is singing about this letter he received from the motherland and everyone who has every left their home behind will get it. Only thing is he is singing in Hindi and I dont think there are any subtitles.

I think of my mom whenever I hear this song - because I remember her crying when this song was on and becuase I have been away from India for 7 something years, everytime I talk to her, I hear it in her voice - she misses me just as I miss her.

Bollywood magic

So here I am working - at work, where else?

I have itunes and the cool thing about that is I get to listen to music while working.

I recently found this Bombay Beats (Bollywood music) radio channel. I love it. They play ok songs - but many of them are from back in the day when I was a young non-cynical young gal (well, actually I was never non-cynical now that I think of it, but whatever!)

So listening to this music takes me back! To my first crushes and so on and so forth. Good times with my school friends - its awesome!

200?

This is my 200th post!

Yippie.


I woke up this morning and normally I can see the clock on the wall pretty clearly - today I couldnt. I couldnt really see how late I was going to be.

See normally I set my clock for 7.16am. And I crawl out of bed at around 7.30 or sometimes, much to the panic of J, at 7.45. So when I open my eyes I see the clock and calculate how long I will be. I have never jumped out of bed anywhere close to the time my alarm goes off.

Anyhoo, I was trying to see the time and then it struck me! I was darker than usual outside. "Pfffffft!" me thinks! Its nearly fall. It will get darker and darker outside until, alas, it will be completely dark. I will have to run around in the dark and look out the window to see nothing but rain pouring and trees blowing in the wind.

It can be pretty gorgeous but also depressing. Hmmm, how time goes.

Random

I only have two weeks to go and there is so much to do.

I feel I need more time to go away on vacation.

Anyways, I had a dream where I had a child with me and then I gave it to someone to keep an eye on him/her. Then, the child was lost. No one could find him/her and I was terrified.

Okay, its good to know I am back to normal - getting stupid dreams.

Work is going on as usual. The new board is getting elected today - so that will be interesting. Not that I care anymore.

I watching the emmys last nite - I freaking hate Sally Field. She is soooooo dramatic. Okay, the reason I am talking about the Emmys is I was watching it w/ J - and I was sitting on the loveseat and he was on the couch - I look over and he was switching his contacts from old phone to new phone. And I couldnt help but feel overwhelming love for him. He is so cute and cuddly and lovable.

We met about 10 yrs ago and from the first instant we talked to each other - we clicked. It was right. We both knew that. When I decided to marry him - and I proposed BTW, I knew it was right. I knew that if I didnt do that - marry this guy (rather I had to marry him to be with him cause we were both in different countries and I could just visit him to Canada - cause I wouldnt get a freaking visa) I would regret it forever.

I have not regretted marrying him, my only regret is not living in India. I think I will always miss that. There will always be that empty spot in my heart.

I think J knows that. He knows that more than anything I want to move back home. It will always be home for me. It is where my heart is. But I cant just do that. Financially it would be a disaster. So here I am. Which is fine. I think I will move back one day. I think. As long as my sister and my bro are there - I think I will. I want to.

Apples

Yes, this post is about apples.

I realized just now that I like a very specific type of an apple. Here is my criteria:

1) It has to be red. I only eat red apples. I like the green ones but only when they are covered in caramel. Then I will gladly eat the whole thing.... What? Its healthy!

2) It has to small in size. No, not those crab apples. Although I will eat them too. But I like normal apples that are smallish. Just enough for a snack!

3) Thin skinned. I hate apples that have a very thick skin so when you are eating them - the skin becomes pulpy. Its a gross feeling, plus, it makes a funny sound when chewing.

4) Sweet but tart. Yes, it cant be just sweet or just tart - I like a bit of both. In this category, I also hate apples that dont taste like anything. They have taste like apples!

5) Just ripe enough. Obviously, too ripe apples will taste like sweet mulch. As much as I like sweet mulch, I dont like it with my apples. Thank you.

6) Flawless. This is an optional category. Meaning that if it is bruised then I might eat it. Or not. I cant commit to either one but ideally I like my apples not bruised.


Okay, why am I ranting about apples?
B/c they make an ideal breakfast. They can be thrown in the bag - although with not too much force or point #6 might be compromised.
Then you wash them and start biting them (That sounds like a game)

Ideal apples: Gala or Fuji Apples.

BTW - I hate Golden Delicious Apples. They are neither golden nor delicious! WTF?

I have been munching on cookies lately. I've had too many now and am in that phase where anything bad my body craves it.

I know I will go back to a clean diet - but its so easy to fall off the road and just go wild eating anything and everything.

Self control is just so hard - it irritates me!

Anyways, the other day I had some cookies and soft drinks (pop, soda, whatever else you call it) with me and forced the cab (taxi) driver to take some. I hope he enjoyed them.

Definately Not Pregnant

I just got my period. So no babies. I am disappointed - but will live through it.

On the positive side - I can drink Italian wine! Ohhhhh, Italian wine!

I got home last nite and 2 glasses of wine - cause I thought I deserved it and I needed it.

Anyhoo, I had a dream I was walking around half naked in front of my in-laws and uncle.

It was very weird. But then I just saw the Dreamers - so maybe not so much!?

Thats it from me today!

Happy Dream!?

Let me begin by saying that I always have stupid scary dreams. In fact, I rarely have good dreams.

Sometimes my dreams come true. Yes they do, but they are scary so its not a good thing.

Anyways, yesterday I had a happy dream. I remember being happy. Considering everything that is going on and my dream track record I am surprised but happy.

I had a weird dream. So in the dream I am a girl again. Like 14-15 yrs old. And I am with a whole bunch of other teens - in some country, which I later find out is Indonesia. Not scary Indonesia - like super happy, beautiful, peaceful Indonesia. I dont why we are there - just vacation, I guess.

So the dream was long but I remember only some of it.

While on vacation - we are by this water park kind of a thing. Maybe its a resort of some sort, yes I travel in style in my dreams!

I can see water all around with tonnes of mini islands with palm trees. The water is clear and blue! As far as the eye can see we are surrounded by mountains and tall trees. All 360 degrees all I can see is tall mountains and trees. There is slight breeze moving the trees. Its evening and there are no lights - just stars and moon and tonnes of moonlight. The moonlight cascades over the trees, the mountains, it looks silvery on the water. We are warm but not too warm. Just right. It is just a peaceful night!

In the water, there are many tiny boats. Boats big enough for two people. The boats are all colourful. They are red, orange, purple, blue and so on. Many of my friends, none of whom I recognise, but am travelling with, are in these boats. Everyone is laughing and there is chatter all around us.

I am standing on one of the mini islands with a bunch of my friends. Happy. Just Happy. Looking around and taking the view in. Its perfect.

We are talking about getting on the boat and wondering why we are not on one. As we are looking for a boat, one of the guys speaks up saying we should go beyond the mountains in one of these tiny boats. I ask without looking at him, what is beyond those mountains? He says "its even more beautiful there". I say "I didnt know we could go there" and turn around to face him.

Now here is the hilarious part - the guy I am speaking to is Bobby Flay. I dont know why its him but its him. I think he is cute but nothing more than that. I think he is good chef but thats all. Anyway, Bobby Flay is standing there chatting with me. Of course, I realize this in my dream but go on. Remember I am 14-15 in this dream - so I am bit short and now, I am standing on a rock.

Somehow at this point he says "look at the fireworks". I put my arms around him, more to support myself from falling down but also as friends do and turn around to see the fireworks. They were the coolest fireworks I have ever seen! They were like normal fireworks - so something is lit and it goes in the air with lights but once the lights disperse they come in form of animals. Like one of the lights made a dragon and the dragon moves around and throws fire in the sky. Then there were rabbits and more animals but I cant remember them.

I am clearly enjoying myself and feeling so happy and so content.

Then the alarm rang and I had to get up!

So from home to work today - I was trying to figure out what this dream was all about? Maybe it was my happy place. I dont know - but I have never seen it nor imagined it. My happy place is always been a mountain with trees and big field.

The other thing that is been going on - I havent blogged about is that I maybe pregnant. I dont know. I have no symptoms other than missing my period so I guess I have to wait and find out. But I was thinking if being pregnant gives me good dreams - it cant be a bad thing!

It was good though. I dont know what a psychiatrist was say to that dream though!

Oh my God!

I am so over whelmed - its not sane or healthy.

I feel so stressed - I cant take it.

The whole work thing is making me re-evaluate everything.

STOP

Too many things going through my mind right now. Just too many. I am having difficulty processing all of it and putting them in boxes that I can go into and deal with later.

My boss was terminated yesterday and I am still trying to deal with all of that and more.

Its weird being here for various reasons. I just wish I could walk away and figure things out slowly and one by one.

Someday, I will publish the post about how and what I am feeling right now. I cant right now for obvious reasons.

Just want to slow the f@ck down right now.

Brownies

I made brownies while my time off. Man they were too much work!

Next time I will buy them!

I will write a longer post when I have caught up with all the work I need to do.