Yea, ok. I know I have been M.I.A - but I have been busy sleeping and being amazed by my bulging belly. It is getting huge I am convinced I am having twins or something.

Anyways, Hope you have a Merry Christmas and will have a fabulous but safe New Years. If I dont get here until Jan - see you in the new years!

Almost there.

So it is almost the last day here before year ends.
It seems like I will have to come in on the 28th but other than that we are almost there.

I have been waiting for today like you wont believe. I also had extra energy this morning to get out of bed. Normally, I have to kick myself out of bed - but today, it was sort of easier. I kept telling myself get up and get going and eventually I did.

Anyways, I am sort of excited to have a few days off. It will be nice to relax and just take it slow.

Of course, as I say this, I am well aware that I have yet to buy prezzies for J and get items for 24th dinner and 25th brunch party but that is easy enough, me thinks.

Okay, just finish this day and I will be okay.

I am so sick of being sick. Cant wait until month 4!

Friend

So I have known D since we were in grade 7 I think. I have kept in touch with her through all those years. She moved away from Bombay and we were still in touch and then I moved to Canada and we were still in touch and she moved to UK and we were still in touch. Until I think the start of this year. I have always answered every email she has sent me.

She was having some difficulties with her bf a few years ago and I would listen to her ranting. I have on numerous occasions chatted to her, while I was at work as she was having some crisis.

Then, when we were planning our trip to Italy, emailed her saying we might stop by on our way to Italy. I knew, she was busy with her in-laws so I was expecting a no, that time does not work for me. Instead, I got nothing. Nada. Atleast, have the courtesy to say "dont come". It would have been fine. I was already expecting it. I would understand it totally. But when you dont reply I get the feeling you are avoiding me.

On top of that, I got into trouble w/ J as he was expecting to stop by in UK. When I didnt hear anything from D, I assumed, I was not wanted, and didnt contact D further. I didnt tell this to J as what was I supposed to say "the person I have known for years, who I always make time for is avoiding me?"

Then, I did stop emailing her. Just the occasional 'hi' on orkut. She emailed me sometime back saying the same drawn out excuse I have heard a billion times. I was busy, got busy, in-laws just left, I am working blah blah blah. I did tell her I was pregnant and she mailed me a congratulations card. Which is fine and dandy but I think a little too less too late.

The reason why I am so mad is not because she got busy and didnt email me but because this is a pattern with her. She forgets I exist until she needs to talk or needs advice or is bored. I feel I do most of the work in this relationship and frankly, I am tired.

Then again, I dont have very many friends, so maybe I am the one messed up.

I like how now, instead of using the word "racial" everyone uses the word cultural.

The meaning ends up being the same - the effect is the same - it just sounds better, doesnt it?

My coworkers frequently talk about other "culturally" different people and frequently mention "cultural" differences in terms of food, weight, height and everything else under the sun but never mention race or racial differences.

I dont necessarily think they are being racists or shall I say culturalists...and not everyone does but I find that racism as traditionally defined (and you know no matter what we are calling it these days), is so hard to discern in this PC world. Atleast before it was open. If someone didnt like me because of my skin colour it was open, obvious and most of all I did have to work so hard to figure out why someone would say that or do that. I would not feel guilty of even thinking something along the lines of racism. It was obvious.

Now, while I think perceptions have changed some what and most people dont have the time to care who they are working with as along as the work is done, there is still a lingering effect, that many cant seem to let go. So then, in this PC world, comments are passed, things are said - but the victim then has to go through this thinking process that is tiring, daunting, frustrating and makes one feel guilty as hell to come to conclusion that what they are thinking is true, is correct but are they over thinking that or is it just that now the dagger of racism is wrapped in silk words, polite smiles and stabbed when you are not watching?

I dont know. Just something I noticed.

I will carry through it all.

I am a waterfall.


Yes, there I said it. Do what you want. I claim to be a waterfall and there is nothing you can do about it!

Too much.

I told my employer I was pregnant and they are now acting wierd.

In this day and age, I cannot believe I am under this much stress because I chose to procreate.

Just tell me God is watching over me - I know this is a busy season for him but I do wish he takes some time for me. If not for me, for jublet.

I am at a verge where I cannot take anymore stress.

I am so tired.

Really, all I dream about is sleeping. I dont want to do anything else other than sleep.

I told my employer about jublet. Meh, I dont care if I get fired or otherwise loose something in terms of work. I am too tired and sick to care.

No Manners!

Rude, Rude, Rude!


We went to see No country for old men, last night. Which is fantastic BTW! See it.

So we go and I find that ppl in theatres have no manners what so ever. Where are your basic manners?

We go in, find a seat, well before the movie begins. We make it a point to go before the movie begins, b/c basically, we dont like seeing movies once they have begun - but also - its unfair to other ppl who get there in time and get the seats and wait for the movie to begin. We have this couple come over - they are late. The movie has already begun and the guy is poking my back asking me if the seat is taken. I say no. He makes us get up - sits down and then, instead of watching the movie - his head is jerking towards the side to see if his partner was there. She comes and he is waving his hands - all the while the movie is going on, and then she comes over to sit. Fine. Its their right to seated like the rest of us.

Then, without giving too much away, there is scene where someone gets shot - the guy says loudly "oh my god". Yeah, did you really not expect that coming smart guy? Anyhoo, then half way through the movie someone's cell phone goes off and then someone is whispering shit.

This happens all the time. I find it so rude. I've had young girls exclaiming "oh my god look at the shoes", dropping drinks and giggling. I've had two wise guys, cracking up half way through Casino Royale - right when Mr. Bond is walking half naked, dripping water, looking super hot.

I've had ppl talking, like discussing grocery list while watching "The Pianist". I could go on. I just wonder if ppl leave all their basic manners when they enter the theater? Everything you have been taught goes out the window!
It is extremely rude to subject other ppl to this!

I am not asking for zombie mode -but atleast have the decency to show up on time, sit and turn off your cell phones. Have the decency to not discuss grocery lists or giggle loudly when you drop your drink. Am I being unreasonable? I think not.

Ewwwwww!

I dropped butter, or more correctly Margarine, on my pants.

Right on my crotch.

We ordered food today at work. I had ordered a bagel toasted w/ butter on the side. The butter had melted and as I opened the tiny container - it spilled on my pants.

I am such an idiot!

So right now, I have a scarf over my neck going all the way down - to cover my suspicious looking crotch!

How do I do these things?

i just found out that the other job opening with some other place that was a possiblity is not anymore.

Its disappointing and it feels like all the doors are slamming on my face.

Although, somehow I dont care. It doesnt matter. In the larger scheme of things its peanuts. Its like jublet within me has come along just at the right time. It almost doesnt matter where I work, if I work, if I want to work - nothing matters.

I am so happy with where I am right now that everything else is peanuts. And if the time comes when I actually might not have a job for whatever reason - I'll find something. I've always had the weirdest luck - it all works out for the best in the end and I find for me that is true more than anything else. Somehow, things fall into place and considering a lot things and taking into account all the people around me - I am lucky. It just kind of works out. Which is what will happen. So screw the world and let me focus on what I need to and want to more than anything else. Jublet! Which apparently is now the size of a cherry!

I want to cry

I've been wanting to cry for awhile, actually since last night. I havent yet. I dont plan to anytime soon.

I work as an LRO and am paid as a student. Yesterday, my employer offered me the right job and with very little increase in pay. I made me feel like crap. I do intend to bring this forward but still it hurts.

Anyways, will keep you updated on what happens.

I found out by mistake really, what cures morning sickness - dark chocolate. I was packing a piece of chocolate cake for J and put a bit in my mouth and viola, I felt better!

Really!

Ok, maybe this is common knowledge to everyone but I just found this out and I am sticking to it. I have more reason to eat dark chocolate - in moderation, of course!

Vegetarian

The thing about being a vegetarian and being pregnant is that you get asked to eat meat for the pregnancy.

To start from the start.

I've always been a vegetarian, ever since I was a child. So its not a fashion statement for me. Its not something I just picked up. Everyone I know, knows that I have never had any meat or eggs. NEVER.

So now that I am pregnant it is hard for me to get full nutrition for my jublet and still eat without wanting to throw up. My nausea at seeing spinach doesnt help either!

So, I am trying to drink lots of soy milk, eat lots of vegetables and beans to counter the lack of meat. Also, I am not completely convinced that meat helps all that much - you can easily substitute beans or tofu for protein!

I just hate when someone tells me casually, oh eat some meat and it will be alright. No it wont. First of all, I cant eat meat cause I've never eaten it. Ever. So its not like I will simply be taking up something I stopped. I never started!

Then, telling me to eat meat, casually, makes it seem like I am a bad person for not thinking this, I am bad mother for not thinking about jublet's needs. That is not how this is going to go down! I am very well aware of what I need to eat and am trying my best, but the nausea is not helping.

And also, BTW - my mom is not here. So its not like I get things handed to me. I have make things I want to eat and sometimes, the thought of cooking something makes me sick, even though I want to eat it and know that I should be eating it. (J, tries to help but the man has to work!) So, you telling me eat meat doesn't help!

So, the gist of this rant is I am trying my freaking best without any help and I am already stressed and tired and nauseous all the time and you calling me and telling me eat meat - pushes me over the edge, especially when I am already kind of on that line anyways. Thank you very much!

(BTW - the casual suggestion was put forward, in all her well meant kindness by none other than my mil. And I would have told her all this except I cant fight over the phone and was just too tired so I said yes, she was right and hung up)