I have a brand new computer.

Yes, its new and its a 20in imac. Take that world!

Ok, also today is my last day at work. I am excited as physically it is very hard to keep working. I am also sad as I will miss my co-workers!

But I will have a scrunchlet to take care of so I think that will keep me busy.

Okay, will update from home from my super cool computer!

I have not been feeling all to well.

I stayed home on Monday and Tuesday and am at work today but only getting a few things done.

Nothing nutty. Just tying up loose ends.

Anyhoo, if I dont blog too often, its prolly cause I am sick at home with no computer. Thats right - I have no comp at home...

So, you might not hear from me that often - either that or I have gone into labour and my jubs is coming!

Yippee - I am so excited and nervous at the same time.

So my sis is in town. It is interesting to see J react with her around.

Its just new for all of us and new things take time. We will see how this one goes.

In other random news, my G, is excited cause her treatment dates are lined up. Within a week after finding out she has lymphoma. Yes, within a week. Health care works. I have never heard anyone being denied treatment if they really need it. All this scare talk about ppl having to go to US to buy health care is crap. Its ppl who think they need CT scans or MRIs and travel down south and pay for it. Its stupid. If you need a CT Scan you will get it.

Anyhoo, thats my rant for now.

Issues, will need tissues!

Update: apparently we are buying my mil a new futon and mattress as she wants to impress my parents and wants to give them something not crappy.

So, we have to pay for her to look good. I just wish she would give me bill at the end of the month for whatever we owe her, her for food, TV, Internet and even the heat we take in while we visit. Will be hell of a lot easier.

Last weekend, J had a fit telling me how I hate his mom and how when we were staying there it was apparent that I hated her and how he doesnt spend time there b/c I dont like it.

Seems like a lot to take all of a sudden. I dont hate his mom. She gets on my nerves. She does b/c she wants things and never actually comes out and says it. Its like a guessing game with her except that if you dont guess what she wants when she wants, you loose. I loose one too often.

I also have always gotten the impression that she doesnt like me. She just doesnt b/c I am from a big city and her family isnt. I have been blamed for not being indian enough and being too Canadian and fitting in too easily and not going to the temple every weekend. Its not me. I dont go to the temple, yes, I am from a big city and no I dont want to isolate myself and cocoon myself into the Indian community just so she would approve of me. I have tried doing things her way and she finds faults in it. Plus, its so much work and doesnt feel right.

She has always resented me for my association with my aunt. She knows my aunt and hates her. Now that is hate between the two of them. When she found out I was related to this woman, she didnt like it. She has said this to me. She has said that given who I was related to (meaning my aunt) she was skeptical about me and that I should thank her for letting me be with her son. J doesnt know this. I dont want him to have a fight with his mum b/c she is too stupid to come out and say this. I frankly dont know what to do.

I just dont. I have let things be and I am going to let it be b/c either ways, I wont win. I just wont. And its not something I want to tempt b/c I have everything loose this way or that. So I leave it. I never say what his mum tells me and I try my hardest not to show any negativity towards her (which apparently I dont succeed in).

I did tell J that no I dont hate his mom but she does get on my nerves and that, once my sister was in town and my parents were in town, he would feel the same way. They would get on his nerves and drive him crazy, like every relative and every in-law that came before them and will come after them. Its only natural.

Thinking about that makes me think. J has it made. He doesnt have to spend any holidays with my parents, doesnt have to eat dinners that make everyone uncomfortable and this is the first time he will be seeing them after we got married 8 yrs ago. He will never have to spend day in and day out for 4 yrs hoping to move out or even hoping that today will be the day when you dont piss your mil. Just maybe she will like you for something.

Gosh darn it.

I am tired as hell.

I am super tired and cant keep my eyes open. I get why working in the 8th month of your pregnancy is difficult.

I feel so tired and alone sometimes. I mean I dont know that many pregnant women or mums. So its pretty lonely on planet me. I will be busy the first few months after the baby is born w/ family so it will be good. After that though, I plan to join some sort of a 'mummy and me' activities. I think just knowing other moms will be good.

Its so hard this whole thing. Everything in a way.

I was thinking the other day, women really do work like dogs. That is not to say that men sit at home and do nothing but compared to all that women do....really I would want to be born as a man next time around.

I mean once you are a mom, you take care of the baby, the house, the details of running a house (daily things like laundry, food, cleaning and so on), not to mention you still have to be there for your partner and work! Last I checked men dont have to be the boob, the maid, the chef, the worker and the mental notetaker. And all for nothing. No thanks, no you are great, nothing. Nothing at all.

I mean, this whole pregnancy thing has made me so much more aware of women and the larger issues. You know you carry a child inside of you, physically that is hard enough. Your body goes through hell and back, and then you become this new person in a new role and everyone just expects you to go in and take it.

Its freaking hard work. Not to mention not all that physically attractive. You through all of that and everything that comes with it and what then?

I dont know what this post is about. I am just feeling blah I guess.

To cook or not to cook

So, I have been wanting to cook up a storm lately.

I was going through my cook books and there are so many recipes that I try. Esp, this raspberry and white chocolate meringue. I just dont have the time or the energy. I mean I barely get the time to buy regular groceries where am I going to go get the time to buy special ingredients and stand and beat the egg whites till they are stiff?

Anyhoo, I keep wanting to make something special or just try something new and it doesnt happen.

That is my rant. I want to cook something new but dont have the time.

Exciting life eh?

Co-worker update

So G, my co-worker didnt show up yesterday and we were wondering what was happening as its pretty unusual for her to not show up.

She called in the afternoon and explained that the day before, June 10th she was attending the monthly board meeting. The meeting usually goes on from 6 in the evening to 10ish. While at the meeting she got a call from her doctor to go the emergency at the nearby hospital. Now no doctors call at 6 in the evening unless there is an emergency. So the doctor calling in the evening itself should have been an alarm. Anyways, G, decides to finish the meeting and then go the hospital.

Apparently her platelet count was down to 8000 when normally it is supposed to be 120,000. I.e. its not good news when you have no immune system left. Duh!

She went into the hospital at 10 at night and was kept overnight and let go the next afternoon.

Apparently she has a mild case of lymphoma. Its cancer of the lymph nodes but its super mild and at the very early stage so she doesnt even have to get chemo. Just medication and a few hospital visits.

I think G is stupid. I love her but she is. Who waits for a meeting to finish so that they can go the emergency? Esp. after the your doctor calls and tells you to go the emergency?

Really? I think she puts way too much into her job. A job that no one except her cares about. She is treated like crap and she keeps stretching herself thin.

I wonder if its to make herself look good. She has two really close friends who have both had very important jobs and very successful careers. Not that G hasnt but also not in a way her friends have. Her doing this might be a way to to make herself important....

Anyhoo, she is back at work when I really think she should just be at home, maybe working from home...

co-worker update

So, G, did not show up to work this morning. She was the one who was sick.

L is now wondering what is going on. I am not that worried. I am sure she is okay - prolly a routine check up or something. In any case, there is nothing we can do until we hear from her.

L chimes up every few seconds wondering what is going on. I told her, just call her at home and see what the deal is. Really there is nothing we can do.

Anyhoo, will update as I know more.

Things are a happening...

My parents and my sis got the visa to Canada.

They are planning a visit soon. Anyways, since the parents cannot stay in my apmt they will be with the in-laws.

I called my mil yesterday, just to chat and she mentioned a few things...

She has to buy a mattress soon. We already gave her our old mattress which is an okay mattress b/c we knew someone would visit and they havent bought a mattress for ages. So they have a huge house with 5 bedrooms and over the last 10 years they didnt invest in a spare mattress. They way she said she has to buy a mattress, it almost felt like I should buy her a new one cause its my parents who are visiting. Yea, that is not happening. She can keep dreaming. The way I see it, she already has the one that we gave her she can buy another one as I didnt force her not to buy new mattresses. Anyhoo.

She also mentioned that will need new sheets. I could be crazy paranoid but her exact words were "I am going to need some sheets" and thats it. Meaning, she would like me to give her the sheets. Again, I know my parents are using the bed, but I already gave her the mattress, I can give some sheets if she wants but last time I checked she is supposed to provide this to ppl who stay with her. Its not like they are strangers. She has stayed with my parents and actually been taken around on a all paid trip for a week. My parents dont even expect that.

She also mentioned that she is going to be cleaning her kitchen this weekend and she needs help. All fine and dandy but I have a hard time cleaning myself. Really, just taking a shower is work. I am not going to drive all the way to her place and clean for 5 hours when I have enough things to take care of myself. I am not saying she should do this by herself but for her to expect me to drop everything and clean her freaking kitchen is a bit much. I moved out for a reason.

Partially, this all is a bit too much to handle. I didnt want my parents to come here b/c I knew she would get this way. I can just see her mentioning the increasing grocery bills and gas prices when they are in town. It will all be done very casually of course. Freaking hell. She will also refuse to take money from me b/c that would be insulting her. So there is no winning for me.

In the meantime, my dad isnt helping me at all. He is sort of a diva. We get along but we also have our differences. He keeps changing his mind about visiting and not visiting. Last I heard he didnt want to visit. Before that he said he would like to visit for 2 months and before that he said he can only come for a month. I would just like to know. Either ways. I am going to call him and ask him what is plan is point blank.

Freaking parents and relatives and all.

Ewwww

The weather here is atrocious. Really, its like rainy and cloudy and gross all over.

I hate it. It feels like I am in January or something.

I mean its June for chrissake, I dont make it through fall and winter to come back to winter after spring!

I need sunshine to function. I really do.

In other random rants, my in-laws are coming for dinner tomorrow. It will interesting. My mil is a chef so my plan is to cook things before hand and be done before they come. We will see if that happens!

Anyhoo, my coworker, L, is now ready to apply for immigration for JC again. Apparently peace was made and she told him if he ever treated her with disrespect, he should just leave. They were going to lie on their application given JC's marriage status (his divorce not finalized and him marrying L) but now they are going to get married again. Which makes a bit more sense.

She is also getting someone else to help her apply and file the immi papers. I think she thought it would be better if a third party does it. I am frankly glad. I did not want to be involved in anyway. So I think she is going to file the papers sometime this month.

My other coworker, G, is still waiting for a diagnosis. They are trying to rule out cancers and other horrible diseases. She is not too worried as her doctor assured her the chances of it being a major cancer are next to nothing. She still might have lymphoma but a very mild kind that would not require any chemo.

So she is in good spirits.

Which is good.

So all in all, bad weather and two crazy co-workers who keep me distracted from freaking out over other stupid matters. A good thing really.

I cant......Breathe!

Seriously, I cant breathe. Its like my lungs are squished or something.

Actually, they are squished and that is why I cant breathe. Baby is now seriously too big, me thinks.

Its like everytime it moves, it stretches my stomach so much that some times it hurts.

Speaking of stretching, I have freaking stretch marks! They are god awful ugly. Seriously, only thing left right now is my belly button to pop out.

Yea, I am week 33 and my belly button is still in. Take that world!

Ok, let me explain. I have always had a deep belly button. Like super big, like when I wear a tight clingy top you could see how big. I always hated it. It was always embarrassing. But I finally know why I have the belly button I do - its so that when I am 33 weeks preggers, it still hangs in.

Its good.

It wont be in for long though. My belly is already stretched to the limit and the belly button is the only thing left.

So we shall see how long it can hold on.

Meanwhile, I still cant breathe. My bra is now open and I am hiding in my office. I am not going to close it up unless I have to go somewhere.

Cravings

So I have been trying to fight my sweet tooth.

I am not going crazy or anything, just trying to eat healthy and not eat junk!

I find the cure to cravings is really cold water. Like water that shocks your mouth and the rest of you. Trust me - it works.

All you have to do is have the will to drink ice cold water (rain or shine) when you are craving something bad.

Of course you dont do it everytime or you will start hating water. So when you think your cravings are really bad, like wanting to eat something just totally junky - you shock your system.

Yea, and no need to thank me. Its okay.

Stuff

Ok, so my sis and my mom have their visas in hand and my dad is waiting for his. My bro doesnt want to come so he will be in India partaying it up!

Now, comes the really difficult, tricky hard part. My sis can stay with me. So thats no biggie. I dont want her with my mil as I know she will expect my sister to clean and cook and do stuff for her.

The sad, tricky thing is going to be my mum and my dad staying with the in-laws. I know for a fact that mil will pass nasty comments (but be completely passive-aggressive at the same time) on my parents and anything they do.

I wish I didnt have to keep them there. I have little choice. J's uncle's house is completely empty and actually quite close to my in-laws house. I feel like asking him if we can stay there for a month or so. I dont think he would care as much as my mil would take offense. If you recall (I have posted about this before) my mil called up my parents and went on bragging about how big a house she has and how empty it is. This is to my parents who live in an apartment in Bombay. I know if I do end up getting my parents to stay elsewhere it will be a slap in the face for mil - which I dont care about. But at the same time that is not my intention at all. I just dont want to give my mil an opportunity to say anything.

I have decided that when I can, I am going to buy them groceries. At least she cant complain about having to feed them.

All this because I dont know how my mil feels about my parents staying with her. It would be easy if she just said how she felt and if i could believe her. But she wont say anything and anything that does come out of her mouth is completely passive aggressive so I dont even know what she means half of the time.

Anyways, I will just hope for the best. I dont hate my mil - I just cant read her and I dont think she likes me all that much. Which is fine cause, that is her problem not mine. I think she feels cheated somehow. When J and myself got married she was happyish - as she never thought her son would marry someone from India. But, I am not like a typical Indian bride. I dont like going to temple, I dont think I am my husbands slave and more than anything else, I am from a big city. Which means I am not traditional enough. This is what gets to her. I think she wishes that I would be traditional - go to the temple, not call my husband by his first name, not argue with him when he is being unreasonable, be ever so polite and bend over backwards for my inlaws. I am not that person and I think it irriates her that despite me being Indian I am not her version of "Indian". No one in India does any of the things she expects from me. She is caught up in the old and India has moved on....

Anyways. So will hope for the best and go from there.

Mil had a bit of a hissy fit the other day when my sis-in-law told her that she wont be in the delivary room when I am having 30 ppl staring up my ho-ha. She fully expected to be in there. I dont want her or even my mum to be in the room. I need calm ppl to be around me so that I dont freak out. Mil is not calm and neither is my mum. So no. Anyways, R was telling her this and she was like "What do you mean I wont be in there?" I have to sit her down and tell her we are not having too many ppl in but if things go well and I feel good, I will call her in. That should take care of it. That way she doesnt feel left out and I dont have to have her in the room.

I have convince J too. He was like oh yea, have my sis, his sis, my mom in there. I was like no. I want him in there and the midwife and no one else. I know the midwife will be calm. I know that J will be okay as long as things are kind of ok. I do not need ppl freaking out on me and I dont want my sis as I dont think is there yet (birthing, pain all things associated with it).