What not to do...

J's cousin is getting engaged this Sunday.

Rather she is already engaged but the party is on this Sunday.

Now, before I go any further I have to put a disclaimer. Most Indian
engagement parties are rather small. Its really only bride and groom
and their close families. The weddings are huge - yes but the
engagement is really the families meeting, the exchange of sugar and
$1.25. And that's that.

Engagement as planned by bridezilla is much much different. I don't know where to start....

1) She had a henna party on Thursday. Usually this is reserved for the weddings

2) The engagement party this Sunday is at the temple. Let me say this - its all fake. The priest has made up some ceremony to engage this couple and provide blessings. I have lived in India all my life - I have never seen an "engagement" ceremony at the temple. You know why? Cause nobody gives a damn if you are engaged.

3) There is a reception ceremony in the evening on Sunday. If you have been to any reception, you will know what I am talking about...yes, there will be flowers,
decorations, centre pieces, speeches, J has been emotionally tricked into being the MC, there will be dancing, butter chicken and a head table.

4) Bridezilla wants to wear four sarees on the day. She wants to change 4 times - need I say more!?

5) Bridezilla pisses me off, cause there is another wedding on Saturday. This wedding, yes it is a wedding, was planned a year in advance. The bride in this wedding lost her father as a child, raised by a single mom, is now getting married. And what does bridezilla do - steal her thunder.

6) Bridezilla also wanted to hire a limo to drive her from the temple to reception hall.

7) Bridezilla has sent me several emails and called me saying she is soooo stressed. At first I was worried and talked to her to calm her down. Her two younger sisters have told me that all bridezilla does all day is surf the net and go shopping. She quit her job cause she hated it and wanted to be with groomzilla. She has not done anything for the engagement bash she is throwing (and her parents are paying for) except go shopping. All the details are taken care of by her sisters and friends.

8) Bridezilla is turned into a total horn-dog. Before the engagement she was the one who said 'ewwww' when the word sex was mentioned. Now, all she talks about is getting it on with groomzilla.

I really could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Its a gong show. And it is on Sunday. I will keep you updated as to what happens.