wtf?

I have anti J's family. Its cause they are the only ones I see and they are really getting on my nerves.

February cant come fast.

Anyways, his parents took off today. Wherever, I dont know and dont really care. The point is they are out. J's grandma was supposed to come over today. She was with her son and will now live with her daughter. She does this frequently - so its not a big deal. Anyway the moving from son's house to daughter's house takes about 8 hrs of driving.

So we knew she was coming. It was only me and J at home. Well, his sis was staying over. Sleeping for her night shift. J and myself were watching TV when the phone rings. I pick up the phone and its his sis. His sis who was sleeping upstairs. She called to say that there was someone at the door.

The fucking nerve. She called from her bed to tell me to open the freaking door. I am so angry I dont even know what to do. Anyways. I am going to lay it out to my mil. Just cause I can. This will be my revenge for the time she called me and complained about my parents for an hour.

I dont forgive poeple bad mouthing my parents that easily. This is going to be good.

Can hardly wait.

So we have finally found a place to move to....

J is already having second thoughts but I like it.
But that's just him. He always overthinks these things. I mean we were nearly on the verge of tears not having found a place. And now we have and he is asking me if I like it. Of course I like it.

Anyhoo, this place is right by the water and is amazing. Will put up pictures when I have them.

Other than that, we are being suckered into going for dinner w/ this family friends of J's parents. It sucks. They including J's parents always talk about how I am a vegetarian. Especially his dad. Every meal I have with him in the room, and I am not exaggerating, every meal he will mention the word vegetarian or non-meat eater. I am getting sick of it. Good thing we are leaving.

Yes, I disappeared for awhile....

I was in Las Vegas - it was awesome!
Its pretty cool - one of the things you should do w/out kids when young....it really was fun!
I didnt gamble much - but did eat a lot, walk around all the casinos and drank a little too much...

But it was fun.

Anyways
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year - or whatever else you call it.....enjoy and have fun.

Irritated

This woman at my work - is doing some sort of drastic weight loss thingy - I actually think it is dangerous.
She was on this diet where she was eating a 1000 calories a day and exercising like a nut. She lost 40 pounds in 2 months. Yes it is not healthy!

Anyways, all she talks about is exercising and losing weight - I feel like slapping her. She is so annoying. All the freaking time she is like oh I just have 18 more pounds to go. No you dont! You know why - cause you are in your 50s and if you lose that much weight you will look freaky!

The funny thing is she looked three times better with the weight than without it.
Arrrrgh! Who cares how much weight you lost!?

There was a storm that hit Vancouver last night. The lights were out at 3 in the morning. The window was being knocked and I was up coughing.

It was kind of cool cause I got shower today in candle light. Cool.


The irritating thing was the in-laws. No, I know this is not a blog about in-laws. You'd think so but that is not my intention.

Anyhow, everyone overslept as the alarm did not go off. The garage would not open - cause it is power operated. We tried opening if manually and it wouldn't. So, of course, we offered to drive them to work. (Yes, right now it does seem like we are the good guys - but wait....). So we shower and get ready. Thinking that getting to work will be a nightmare - J and myself wanted to start early.
I go to get my in-laws to the car and this is the conversation:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In-laws - Oh, let me drink some coffee

Us - Yes, we have your coffee in your travel mug, you can drink it in the car....

In-laws - We just go ready - we need to have our coffee. You are rushing us.

Us - Yes, we have to leave cause we wont get to work in a decent hour. We can drop you off at your work and that will take longer.

In-laws - We have to have our coffee. LEAVE, if you have to. We just got ready.

Us - But.....

In-laws - You are rushing us. We cant have that. LEAVE!

Us - Ummmmm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So now, they are pissed at us because we were rushing them. I get the whole needing to drink your coffee. I get that they are old and set in their ways. Here is what I dont get: if you are late to work - do still need to spend time drinking coffee? I usually just run and hope that my work as my caffeine fix. Especially when I am late.

How is offering a ride to work and getting the coffee ready to go - in any way our fault. Its not.

Arrrghhh! I am tired of their drama.

Need a home

I need a home. I have been feeling blue lately. We have been thinking of moving out for awhile and we are apartment hunting but nothing comes our way.

Literally, all the places we have seen are somehow wrong. Either they are in an ok neighbourhood or they are plain flithy or just ugly.




I am not asking for a lot. I want a place that is clean, that is in a neighbourhood we can live in and is affordable. I mean you would think it would not be that hard.

Damn, I just need to leave the in-laws behind. You would think the universe would be on my side. I mean, I have put my time in, I have sacrificed more than I thought I was capable and you would think that after spending 5 years in the same house - I would be off the list. But no.

Every evening I have to take the bus home I dread. Dont get me wrong. My in-laws are mostly good. My MIL is a drama queen which puts me off every so often but they are good people. I just want a space of my own where I dont have to justify why I am eating my dinner before everyone else has.....

Really, you would think the universe is with me. Not really!

The need to prove.....

That you are not a failure. Does that come out of you or is it forced on you by someone else?

Meaning - does this need come because you think you are a failure or does it come because you think that the world thinks you are a failure?

I get tired just trying to get through the day. Thank god we get to sleep or else I would be dead by now.

I am tired of proving and trying to prove. At times I just dont care.

Example: I have an ok job. Ok because I should have been hired and given my benefits sometime ago. Atleast that is what I think sometimes. At other times I dont think about it too much. Then I think - oh which graduate from university even has a decent job? But I am being pushed. And I dont want to. I want to relax and enjoy sometime. I dont want to think about buying houses and reproducing just yet. But being pushed does that to you.

I want to scream STOP. But I cant. I am tired. It is all my fault. I put myself in this situation now I want it to stop and I cant.

More than anything else I want to use NO. I cant.

Nice

I dont like nice. I hate when people are being nice. Nice is an insult to any thinking human being.

Thats what I hate about being in Canada. People are too nice. Dont be.

Have the balls to say just what you want to say. It will save everyone sometime.

Yes, yes I know that you shouldn't always say what comes in your head but that doesnt mean that you should always be nice. NO

If you dont want something or dont like something - just say so. Dont be nice. Dont insult the intelligence of someone by being all PC. Have you ever thought that maybe you are doing that person a favour?

Use your brain - I mean dont go around telling people you hate them. That is being mean. But atleast say what's on your mind every once in awhile.

Have the courage to say no. Why is no such a hard word to use? Why cant we say no and not be mean - just express what is in our head?

Sick!

I am sick. I have a nasty cold and I feel sleepy and gross....

I dont get colds. I hate this feeling.

Freaking goddamn hell.

I have really miffed right now. here is why....
every damn person we know in this city is reproducing....i freaking hate that.
Not b/c I have something against ppl reproducing but b/c everytime i find out someone is pregnant i have this wierd feeling.
This feeling comes from the fact that J mentions in every conversation we have about me being pregnant! I pisses me off!
I know he is older than me and he is at a place where he needs an offspring - but when I take everything into the equation - he is the guy. He can father babies anytime he wants! Its not like he is going to hit menopause and then thats that.

All his friends are married, settled and so on - meanwhile we are still trying to freaking move out of the house!
Damn it!

Nobody told him to party his 20s away. He could have been working and we could actually have a house now. No, we dont have that and I have bust my ass in a place that dont like.....

And every conversation we have - he's mentions the word pregnant and baby - fuck!

Its not like I dont want to have kids or anything - I dont mind - I would want to wait for a couple of years but its ok - but this pressure is killing me!

Meanwhile his sister is 31 met a guy who is 40 and they are all cool about it.
Irritates me.

And I cant say anything this way or that - cause then he pulls the I am old what do you know how it feels card
I am getting tired. I want to get pregnant just so he stops talking about it

And my job - they wont give me a positon and I am tired of hanging around waiting.

This sucks

Sorry for the rant - I just need to blah.....

Food

Its 9 in the morning. I got to work a little before 8.30 - I want to eat lunch right now!!!

I am starving. Is that bad?

Happy Birthday to me - belated anyways!

So it was moi birthday...a couple of days ago.

It was fun. Normally it sucks - things going on - too much stress from exams and so on.

But this year it was good. I went to the spa, ate my favourite hot dog and had some cake.

Ok the cake was not my idea. I find that I hate cake.

Yes, really. I do hate it. Its too sweet and too creamy.

I used to like cakes in India. More cakey, less sweet and less creamy. Cakes here seem to use the icing as fillers for real cake.

Which is sad. Anyways, I had told anyone who would hear that I do not want cake. Do not buy me cake. But they did. It was good cheesecake (don't really like that either) but oh well.

Why do people never listen to you. Do you find that if you specifically ask for something that is deemed untraditional you get weird glares...?

I find that too common. Like my cake request. I ask for no cake and get it anyways..not b/c people undermine my request (maybe there is a little bit of that too) but b/c it makes them feel they did all they could and did all the right things. Do you what I mean?

Its like this - I would prefer if no one bought me any gifts for birthday or Christmas. Really. I feel that I have everything and I have the ability to purchase anything I want. There are others in the world who are not so lucky. I would prefer if people simply donate the money they were going to spend on me to charity. Yes I really would. But I always get something or the other. And partly that comes from people wanting to show me that they care - which is fine, I guess.

But this is why this birthday was great! B/c I got calls from people who cared. They didn't shower me with crap. With things just for the heck of it - it was genuine care.

Which was nice.