Yippee-yay, yippee-yippee-yay-yay

You Should Play the Violin

You are highly intelligent, and mastering difficult subjects never intimidates you. And while you may not be musical yet, you have a good ear - and you're sensitive to subtle differences in music. You are dedicated and studious. You have a great work ethic. You study well under a teacher, and you don't mind repeating tasks or following instructions. Expressive and moody, you are very likely to convey a variety of rich emotions through your music. You are definitely a passionate person... passionate enough to truly love the violin. Your dominant personality characteristic: your high intelligence Your secondary personality characteristic: your sensitivity

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

One more!

I am now on freaking antibiotics due to some normally healthy bacteria going out of control!

Freaking hell! If I could individually strangle each little bacteria with my bare hands I would.

Leave me and my baby alone. Stop multiplying!

Better.

It has been snowing here. It still is. I looks so pretty.

I feel much better. In fact, baby can now hear so I was entertaining it yesterday by singing to it.

Meh, things will work out the way they have to. Nothing I can do!

I am depressed.

I cant cry anymore. I just cant. I woke up crying at 5.30 in the morning. I went to bed with tears in my eyes. Before that, I was crying the whole evening. I cant cry.

I have too many battles to fight and none of them are winnable. And yes, I know what this is doing to jublet but I cant stop. I cant just switch it off.

I have work problems.
I have lawyer fees due to this.
With that, I have impending financial trouble.
My mil is driving me crazy with her baby shower plans.
J, wants the best for me but doesnt care about the shower.
J is worried about money and he is starting to get frustrated and it comes out in nasty ways.
My mom wont be able to come here b/c of my lack of funds.
I am going to have to move back to my inlaws due to the lack of money.
I am not going to be able to have the baby in my apmt - my haven.

I cant fight all of this. I just cant. I am not that strong. Even if I were, its not easy being pregnant.

I dont care about the shower anymore. I will dress up like a big fat pregnant chick and sit through whatever ceremony she has in mind. I just dont care. She always gets what she wants - she will get this one too.

I am going to finish this work whether it kills me. Because, I have been completely dependent on J and let me tell you - it doesnt do anything for your self-esteem. I will kill you from inside, when you know you cant earn any money. Fuck, its not even like I can take up part time job, who is going to give a part time job to a pregnant chick who cant stand too long, who looks tired all the time and is barely making it day by day?

I dont wish my troubles on anyone. It sucks being where I am.




Update - I have calmed down a bit since writing this.

I saw Sweeney Todd on Saturday. The movie is of course fantastic.

However, being pregnant while watching this movie wasnt easy. Without giving anything away - the movie made me nauseous. I mean I knew what I was getting into but man, it wasnt easy. I should have known when the rolling credits have blood flowing through them...

Memories

I dont know why I remembered this but I did and I am blogging about it.

Some of my favourite memories of being in India is cooking with my mom with my siblings around.

My mom used to make all three of us help her cook. At the time, there were some days when I hated cleaning bags full of coriander or fenugreek. It sucked. But now that I think of it - it wasnt so bad. Usually, it was during summer vacations when all of us were home. Sometime around noon when the sun was high and it was too hot to even look outside. We would spend the afternoon, preping vegetables so that things were ready for the next few days. Or it was a Saturday or Sunday and we were just bored.

My favourite though was this crappy electric oven that my dad got from an auction. My dad was big on auctions. He would find all kinds of junk. He found this circular electric oven the size of big pan, and you had to plug it in to make it work. In India you dont have ovens - usually.

Anyhoo, the first few months that oven was there we made all kinds of things. Tea biscuits, cookies and whatnot. I think it was during summer vacations as my sis, my bro, my mom and myself would all sit on the floor mix the ingredients and cut it into various shapes and bake things. Once these cookies or biscuits were cooked we would eat them on the spot!

It seemed so fascinating at the time. It was fun. We used make the same cookie dough and put various food colouring in it. So in essence it was the same cookie just different colours. Hours were spent on this. It was so silly.

I think the other things that I remember is my dad cooking. My dad is quite the cook. Even though he would only cook once in awhile, esp on Sundays when he was home. He would make this vegetable rice - man it was good!

I think the thing that comes back from all of these memories is how much love there was in the house. How just spending time with each other doing silly things like chopping tomatoes or putting blue colour in the cookie dough was so much fun. How all the arguments about what the next biscuit should taste like seemed so big back then and now seem like they were stupid but fun.

I guess what I am thinking is as little jublet will be born - if I can even create something like the atmosphere that I had growing up I know my kids will be okay. I remember very clearly we didnt have much growing up. Not many expensive clothes and access to the latest gadgets and so on. But we had enough of attention from our parents and tonnes of silly stories that I will always remember. If I can give even half of these to my kids I will be happy.

The Hormones?

Man, Heath Ledger's death is depressing the hell out of me.

I think it might be the hormones. I just cant get over how young he was and how talented.

Normally, celebrity deaths dont effect me as much but this guy was so young!

I am going to focus my energies on something else....food maybe?

My in-laws are back from India. My Mil came back with a bag full of clothes and food. Most of the food was for me sent by my ma. Which is a treat. I wish my mommy was close by so I could just go over and hang out with her. Alas, no such luck for me!

Anyhoo, my mil came back with big ideas of having a baby shower the size of a wedding. She brought everyone clothes and ideas about invitation cards and who was going to be invited and all. Thing is we had a big giant indian wedding. We had anyone who anyone invited. I did the whole thing without a compliant. Even though I didnt like I thought what the hell, it makes everyone happy and really didnt care as long as I was with J. But this baby shower thing is getting out of hand. I already told her 3 times that was not happening. There was no big ceremony and no me dressing up like an pregnant indian doll waiting to be admired by everyone. No way. I think she still thinks this will happen.

I am determined it will not. I think I will win. I dont care how I get treated by her. I dont care what she expects out of me and what she wants me to do. But it stops with me. My kids are not going to be forced into this indian emotional blackmail. And I just drew a line.

J doesnt want any big ceremonies either but it is hard for him to say no. I am prepared to be the b!tch and take the fall. No giant ceremonies with people I dont care about, who will complain to no end and especially not with my parents being in India. No way.

So next few months will be interesting to say the least.

I have been sick.Like cold, fever and congestion sick. Its not fun.

I am home for a few days to recover. Besides my work is stressing the hell out of me. Anyhoo, so the combination has made me not want to blog or really do anything except hang out.

Which I am doing. If nothing, it will be good for the baby I am sure. So there goes.

That is why I have been out of loop and generally lazy.

I think I am going to shower and clean up this place a bit.
Or maybe I will just sit and watch cartoons all day...hmmm, cartoons it is!

Ultrasound

I love ultrasounds!

I got one done yesterday. It was the most amazing thing ever. I got to see little jublet. It was moving around. Trying to hide from the ultrasound scanner. Jublet looks so much like a human except that its only 5 centimeters!

It is pretty amazing to see your baby inside of you. I love new technology!

Anyways, I have been sick as a dog. I have a cold and had some fever yesterday. I feel okay. Still feverish. I think I am going to have to go back home!

Anyways, hopefully I will feel better soon!

So I am still feeling shitty - but what the hell. Its a good sign - the pregnancy is taking well, I am told.

I dont have anything to post about - really.

There is NOTHING happening in my life that you dont already know. So I will give you a break today.

oh my God!

Ok, so I am in week 13 and I still feel like shit!

Everyone I have talked to has told me it gets better. I dont see better at all. I am still always on the verge of throwing up, I am tired as freaking hell and my hormones are all over the place. To make this worse I now have killer headaches.

This is not better - it is worse!

I just want to feel a bit better. Really, is that too much to ask? I really want to curl up and sleep. Sleep all day until its time to give birth. I am getting battered here.

And on top of that, I have to keep J happy. I really just want to lock myself in a room and not come out until its July. I dont want to talk to anyone - cause no one gets it. I dont want to eat - cause I either feel like puking or get heartburn. I dont want sleep cause sleeping is not comfy. And now I am starting to worry about where this baby will sleep when it finally comes out.

Not to mention, I hate being at work. I just cant take it anymore. Just want a break. A break from everything and everyone. I want to be left alone to do what I want.

Crazy, hormonal pregnant woman.

Food.

All I can think of is Food. After the baby of course. I am turning silly.

First of all, I cant think of anything else but the baby. Like I dont even care about anything else right now at all. Last night I was all sad that once the baby is born - I wont be able to carry it around in my belly anymore. Does that sound stupid? I know I have a long ways to go and yada yada yada. But that thought made me super sad. Once the baby is born - I cant protect it and take care of it like I am doing right now. While it is inside of me - I can do whatever to make sure its okay but once its born - it is a seperate being. Anyways, J thought I was being silly.

And then there is food. I love food. I could eat it anytime. Speaking of which - I should go find some.

Happy New Year.

Hope you had an awesome time off. I sort of did!

My pants dont fit anymore so I am doing the old elastic band trick and I have to say it works. I cant wait for the baby to be born. Like really, I am super duper excited. I want figbaby with me.

Anyways, my work is going sideways. Things are going to get ugly and it doesnt matter.

Anyways, I have missed blogging and hope to continue with the same zeal and randomness as before!