Cow phase.

So I have renamed my pregnancy phase as cow phase of my life.

I look and feel like a cow. I think one of the hardest things about pregnancy for most women would be the weight gain. Its that time of your life when you know you will add pounds and there is little you can or should do about it.

It doesnt help that now being a yummy mummy is expected from every woman out there. I think pregnancy is hard enough without having that added extra pressure of having to look hot and sexy. Believe me there is nothing sexy about pregnancy - what with all the stretch marks, itchy skin, weight gain, swollen ankles and I could go on...but you get the picture.

J is super supportive and I know he means every word of support when he says it. It is still hard. I love him to bits.

However, I do look and feel like a cow. This I am okay with. I was very much aware of what this entails so thats not what I am ranting about. I am ranting about the photographic evidence of my cow phase. I dont need any.

I went over to one of J's cousin's place and a bunch of decided to make sushi. Making sushi was a disaster. But there are tonnes of pictures taken of the event and one of them is mine - making me look just horrible. I look like a cow. Not kidding. The pictures are posted on facebook and I have since asked the person who put them up to delete my picture.

Now, its fine that I look like a cow but there is no need for photographic evidence. Its like j suggested that we have a professional photographer take pictures of me when I am nine months preggers and my reply was "I will look like a giant cow why would I want to immortalize that?" Really, why?

You can take all the pictures you want but there are some rules -

Pregnancy pictures should only be for you and your very immediate family.
Photos of mother-to-be should not be randomly circulated
They should not be posted on public website without the consent of the mother-to-be
Bad pictures should be deleted immediately if asked
Immediate post delivary photos of the new mother, with hair all over, tired look in the eyes and new baby should not be mass-emailed without consent from the mother.

Basically, dont do anything that the mother-to-be or the new mother doesnt approve. Period.

Pregnancy dos and donts.

I am convinced that people writing pregnancy books and other materials are either men or women who have never had children or had children so long ago that they dont remember a thing about it.

Case in point - sleeping during pregnancy.

Most pregnancy websites and books claim that -

"Although there's no real harm in sleeping on your right side, lying on your left side is actually good for you and your baby: It improves the flow of blood and nutrients to the placenta and it helps your kidneys efficiently eliminate waste products and fluids from your body. That, in turn, reduces swelling in your ankles, feet, and hands. If you train yourself to sleep on your left side early on, you'll have an easier time falling asleep when your belly is bulging later. During the second half of pregnancy, avoid sleeping on your back, a position that puts the full weight of your uterus on your spine, back muscles, intestines, and the inferior vena cava (the vein that transports blood from your lower body to the heart). Back-sleeping can also put you at risk for backaches and hemorrhoids, inefficient digestion, and impaired breathing and circulation. Lying on your back in the second and third trimester can also cause changes in blood pressure. For some women, it can cause a drop in blood pressure that can make them feel dizzy; for others, it can cause an unwanted increase in blood pressure."

I have just cut and pasted one the most common responses. Now if I were to follow this advice - I would only sleep on my left side. That is it. No back sleeping and no sleeping on the right side. Forget the stomach for obvious reasons.

That is crap.

Total BS!

I dont understand why there is not much information out there about what to do if you cannot just sleep on the left side. What should a pregnant sleep deprived woman do.

Yes, I havent slept well in like ages. I am so tired and sleep deprived its not even fair. I try to sleep on my left and right side. But wake up with a sore neck and horrible - read - H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E - sore ears and can hear my heart pounding. I just want to sleep. This morning after months of trying to sleep in my side with various pillows supporting my boobs, my ass, my stomach, my legs, my shoulder and any other imaginable support deprived part of my body - I gave up. I just gave up.

I slept on my back and it was glorious. Unfortunately, I think it must have been like 6 when I just gave up because the alarm went off and I have to crawl out of bed. J has given up on trying to be at work on time. Poor soul takes the necessary pity on me and drops me off work - because I just cant manage anything these days! He has actually taken to waking up before me and getting dressed before I am even done shower. That is a definate sign he has given up on having a normal life. I feel bad.

Anyhoo, back to my ranting. Yea, so when you havent slept all that much and all the information out there tells you only what to do without actually explaining why or the consequences or how to cope when you cant do what has been asked to do - I feel like screaming. Its almost like these people giving advice never had to carry a child or dont remember what it was like in the first place.

Damn them.

random

I love waffles. My new love is having some warm waffles with whipped cream (no sugar) and slices of freshly cut oranges on top.

It tastes lovely. Better than any maple syrup or butter or anything else. Of course fresh fruit is always better than canned or preserved fruit but seriously try the oranges with whipped cream. It is so simple yet delicious.

~~~~~~~~

I cant believe that the baby will arrive in 4 months. When we found out we were pregnant I was like oh my god - 8 months go and now its like 4 months and boom - we will be there!

I have to do so many things before then though. Like redo the bedroom in a way that we can fit a crib in there and so on. I mean, I live in a one bedroom place. It is small but I think for the first half of the baby's life we can survive. Only problem is we need to buy another closet to put baby stuff in and buy a new mattress for us. We were going to buy a king size bed but decided against it as there is no place. So we buy a decent mattress for the queen size we have and if we move things around - it should be fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, J is like "I cant change diapers". He said this after knowing for 4 months that we are going to have a baby which will only do one of these things - poop, cry, sleep and eat. Since I have to be there to be a milk cow for the child and carry it in me for 9 months and have to think about pushing it out of me - he has to change the diapers. I told him - he has no say. Its non-negotiable. Anyways, he was freaking out a bit about the thought of changing diapers and I am thinking - "Buddy, changing diapers is the easiest of the tasks compared to what I have to go through". I am hoping he will make peace with this by the time baby comes. If not, I think I might just loose it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My mil is going crazy. She is very superstitious and super duper religious. One does not automatically come with the other but in her case they go together. So, she can be pretty annoying at times when she says things like "oh we are not telling anyone you are pregnant as something might happen". I get that line of thought when I was in my first trimester but now, its like obvious. I have a belly. I also feel wierd about it as my parents have been telling anyone who will listen that they will be grand parents. It almost feels like my in-laws are trying to hide something.

The other thing is my in-laws lived either in India or Fiji before moving to Canada. So they are used to tropical temperatures and keep the house at like 25 degrees all the time. Like all the time. So as soon as you enter you have to remove a few layers just to function. So, the other day we were visiting them and someone comes over - just to visit them. And I kid you not - she comes running to me with the biggest, thickest, black jacket she can find. It was big and thick and she tells me to wear it. Like she is holding the jacket open for me and telling me "oh maybe you should put this on". I looked at her like she is crazy and actually could not say anything b/c my mind was blank. Anyways, she is like "oh put it on". I said - "no - I am not wearing that and I am leaving" I also told her that she might want to tell other people that I am pregnant. At which she says, oh these people already know.

I give her a look and J is looking at her as if she is crazy. We then figure out why she wanted me to wear the jacket - b/c she thinks my clothes were too tight. I dont like wearing mumus so I just wear my regular clothes that stretch and she in her wierd superstitious way does not like that people can look at my belly. Anyways, it was crazy.

She comes up with other crazy things like, I cannot look at the moon during eclipse or crazy things like I cannot drink milk, eat yogurt or soy milk - which means that I will get osteoporosis.

Yea she is crazy.

Damn it

I want to put a picture in the title bar and blogger wont let me!

Stupid blogger.

I need to start swimming.

I want to but here is what is stopping me -

1) the lack of a good swim suit that will make me, a pregnant woman look good. I checked some out and there looked like target practice with my boobs being the target. No thank you. So I need to find some that are plain but pregnant woman friendly.

2) the hair. I have blogged elsewhere about my Indianess and the hair growth issue. Let me tell you that the hormones have stepped up hair growth - its actually quite repugnant how much hair can grow on me. I have decided its going to be shaving everyday if I have to - but I have to get my booty into the pool.

3) speaking of booty. My ass as well as everything else is getting bigger. Its part of the deal I know and its all worth it but still to walk around the pool half naked is going to take some courage. But I love swimming and I need it.

4) I am lazy. I am so tired all the time that any chance I get I want to lie down. Which is not to say I do so. I have a billion other things to do - mostly house stuff and once that is done I want to sleep.

All in all though, I have to get to the pool. I just have to.

Milk

There were times when I could not stand milk.

I now crave milk. Its very odd. I drink milk everyday but I also crave things like ice creams, whipped cream and yogurt.

Its for the milk - maybe the fat too. Its odd. I hate whipped cream. I hate it. And yesterday, I was sitting and watching TV and suddenly I wanted whipped cream.

I feel like eating ice cream everyday. I dont b/c I dont want to be 500 pounds but I really could eat it every single day.

I drink milk by itself. Which is good and nutritious. I love horlicks. If you are not familiar with horlicks I suggest to go out and buy a bottle. It is the most delicous thing ever!

I just came back from seeing my midwife. She was trying to hear the baby's heart beat and man this child was hard to get a hold on!

It is super squirmy. She had to try aleast 3 times for the baby to settle down - and then we could hear the heart beat!

J was a bit worried throughout the process but it seems everything is fine. So I wont worry.

In other random news...

I am mentally singing YMCA!

Sing it with me!

YMCA!

I want to change the look of my blog but am just too lazy!







Gotcha!

Cant Wait.

Cant wait until June. When summer begins - the sun shines and I can wear lovely summer skirts with my uber swollen ankles!

Seriously, I cant wait until June. I just want some heat and warmth without being cooped up in the house. I have started wearing sweaters at home which is pretty rare for me. I want to feel the sun shining and warming me up!

In other random news - one of two my co-worker's, the one married to a mexican immigrant, has the most atrocious sounding phone rings. Before it was a loud old school telephone ring. Dont get me wrong I like those old school rings that go Tring-Tring, Tring-Tring. This one was sort of like that but imagine it ear piercing loud. Now its like 80s futuristic movie gun shots. Again LOUD. She sits by the reception and the phone goes off and I feel like I should duck.

The thing is, she thinks its much softer than the one before. I am not really entirely sure about that.

Anyways.

Also, I ran into someone right now who had a lazy eye. I do too and I thought I should put it down - just cause. Yea, my left eye is a bit lazy - I dont know why but it is.

Okay, over and out!

Eat Chocolates.

Sparkle

The is sun is sparkling in Vancouver BC today!

Now, if you know Vancouver, you know is quite rare for the sun to shine much less sparkle.

But it is and it is fabulous.

This city is quite beautiful when the sun is shining. Everything is so clean and the trees look greener and mountains look white - covered in snow. It is quite wonderful. I love Vancouver in the summer. It is very hard not to like it!

Victoria, BC is another city I would love to live in. It is more like a retirement community but it is gorgeous and very friendly. I lived there for like 10 months when we first moved here. I have nothing but good memories there. It was spectacular! We lived right by the water and I would walk down there in the afternoon and just sit and watch the waves crash.

I think any city by the water is good by me. I love the ocean! i love beaches and pebbles and sand. i guess cause I grew up in Bombay. It connects me back home.

Anyways, back to present - I wish I was out today. Sitting by the beach and eating hot dogs!

Work.

Ok, as you may already know I have a love/hate relationship with my work. Right now I am hating it for several reasons...

a) my co-worker is driving me crazy. Like literally she is very close to me completely losing it on her. She does events and finance and such stuff and has a procedure manual all set up for her job. She wants me to do the same. Here is the problem - she cant ask me to do anything - cause she is not my boss. She is my co-worker. She is used to assigning jobs to her husband, who is retired and does the same with the receptionist. Which is fine. No problem with me there. But she cant actually tell me what how I should spend my time.
The other thing is, I am a labour relations officer/research analyst. My job in terms of labour relations is giving people advise on their particular situation and trying to resolve things. I cannot put the details in terms of what the procedure is to do this. It cannot be relavant or correct. I cannot put lines like, if a member has problems with his/her employer s/he should do this that and the other. Depends on the problem and depends on the employer. Frankly, it is stupid. I've tried to communicate this to her and she doesnt seem to get it. She frequently stops by my office, telling me to get this done as I will be starting mat leave at some point - I try to convey to her to leave me alone but she just doesnt get it.
Thing is I actually like her. I do. I dont want to be nasty to her or tell her she has no authority giving me jobs - cause it would hurt her but seriously, she has got to get it at some level.

b) the people I work for are professionals. I cant give any more detail than that but they are going through training to become professionals, very highly skilled and high in demand. Needless to say, to get to this point in their lives they have to be really smart. Which they are. But at the same time, they are incredibly stupid. If I told you what they would be doing for the rest of their lives, and how incredibly stupid they were - you would distrust every single one of them the next time you come in contact with one of them or atleast think twice about your interaction.


Wow, that is a rant. Sorry for that - its just that I rant to J every so often but can only do some much ranting to one person. He gets how I feel about certain aspects of my job...

Random

I love Cadbury's Eclairs!


Love em. I could eat an entire bag of them.

I cant Wait!!!!!

I am becoming crazy pregnant lady. I cant wait until little jublet makes his/her world debut! I want that child in my arms and not supposedly swimming in my belly.

i think partly b/c I havent felt the baby yet - so its kind of weird for me. Its like I know its there but I cant feel anything and i keep getting bigger. So once the baby starts kicking me in a way I can feel - it might be different.

Wierd how now I cant wait for the baby to come whereas a few months ago i was freaking out at the very thought.

I guess I have grown up!

More mil!

So, my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary is coming up in May.

At first we had thought we would take them to Hawaii or Las Vegas to celebrate. We realized that my mil doesnt like the beach. So Hawaii was out and LV was kind of an option but with me preggers I didnt want to hang out in a smoke filled casino! So that was out.

Fine. No biggie we can do something else.

But now we know we cannot afford anything due to my work problems. No trips especially.

My sister in law (who has apparently a bunch of money) wanted to updo my in-laws house as a gift for my in-laws anniversary. She is single, she rents and now has a bf. I guess her intentions are sincere. She sent an email to all of us, me and J, my in-laws about estimate of painting the house and how much that would cost. Not actually asking us if we wanted to be a part of this. She just assumed. So now, she wants to put $2000 of her own $$$$ for painting my in-laws upper floor. My in-laws are assuming that we (me and J) will pay to updo the basement. I would love to. Really, if money wasnt the issue I would love to. But sadly, money is a big issue and besides we have a baby coming...we cannot afford to sink money into the house. I think it would be different if we were living there and doing an upgrade but we dont. Not yet anyways. Also, I do think that even if we have to move back with the in-laws we cant afford to put a $1000 into the house with me basically being unemployed for a year.

I just hate being put in this position. I dont have the moola and cant do it. My sister in law has done this kind of thing before. She can be very passive agressive and at times has simply assumed that we are going to be buying christmas gifts for the in-laws all together. Never actually saying this - just assuming it and then pretending to be all hurt we didnt involve her. This whole mess puts J in a difficult position as he has to say to his parents we dont have the money. I think it is very insensitive of my sis-in-law.

I have always thought that as some level she just doesnt get it. Whatever 'it' might be. In anycase, we will convey this to his parents, break their hearts again. I think it might have something to do with sibling rivalry. I really do. In a wierd twisted way, my sis-in-law acts if she is still a baby sometimes. I guess you are always your parent's kid but even I dont act like she does when I see my mom in 2-3 years...

That and she always plays the guilt card. She is 34 and now not yet married. Up until she found her new bf, her parents were always feeling guilty for her being single. They would and still do, to some extent, feel responsible for her marital status. I think she is well aware of that and takes advantage of it every oppurtunity she gets. Its kind of sad.

Anyhoo, I dont mean to come off bitter and evil. I do like her - its just that there are some people in the world who just dont get it....

My co-workers talk too loudly.

Esp. one of them. On a normal tone she is screaming - I dont know why. I wish she would stop as it hurts me.

I have stopped talking to either of them for the fear that one loud one will chime up (pun intended)...

Yippee-yay, yippee-yippee-yay-yay

You Should Play the Violin

You are highly intelligent, and mastering difficult subjects never intimidates you. And while you may not be musical yet, you have a good ear - and you're sensitive to subtle differences in music. You are dedicated and studious. You have a great work ethic. You study well under a teacher, and you don't mind repeating tasks or following instructions. Expressive and moody, you are very likely to convey a variety of rich emotions through your music. You are definitely a passionate person... passionate enough to truly love the violin. Your dominant personality characteristic: your high intelligence Your secondary personality characteristic: your sensitivity

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

One more!

I am now on freaking antibiotics due to some normally healthy bacteria going out of control!

Freaking hell! If I could individually strangle each little bacteria with my bare hands I would.

Leave me and my baby alone. Stop multiplying!

Better.

It has been snowing here. It still is. I looks so pretty.

I feel much better. In fact, baby can now hear so I was entertaining it yesterday by singing to it.

Meh, things will work out the way they have to. Nothing I can do!

I am depressed.

I cant cry anymore. I just cant. I woke up crying at 5.30 in the morning. I went to bed with tears in my eyes. Before that, I was crying the whole evening. I cant cry.

I have too many battles to fight and none of them are winnable. And yes, I know what this is doing to jublet but I cant stop. I cant just switch it off.

I have work problems.
I have lawyer fees due to this.
With that, I have impending financial trouble.
My mil is driving me crazy with her baby shower plans.
J, wants the best for me but doesnt care about the shower.
J is worried about money and he is starting to get frustrated and it comes out in nasty ways.
My mom wont be able to come here b/c of my lack of funds.
I am going to have to move back to my inlaws due to the lack of money.
I am not going to be able to have the baby in my apmt - my haven.

I cant fight all of this. I just cant. I am not that strong. Even if I were, its not easy being pregnant.

I dont care about the shower anymore. I will dress up like a big fat pregnant chick and sit through whatever ceremony she has in mind. I just dont care. She always gets what she wants - she will get this one too.

I am going to finish this work whether it kills me. Because, I have been completely dependent on J and let me tell you - it doesnt do anything for your self-esteem. I will kill you from inside, when you know you cant earn any money. Fuck, its not even like I can take up part time job, who is going to give a part time job to a pregnant chick who cant stand too long, who looks tired all the time and is barely making it day by day?

I dont wish my troubles on anyone. It sucks being where I am.




Update - I have calmed down a bit since writing this.

I saw Sweeney Todd on Saturday. The movie is of course fantastic.

However, being pregnant while watching this movie wasnt easy. Without giving anything away - the movie made me nauseous. I mean I knew what I was getting into but man, it wasnt easy. I should have known when the rolling credits have blood flowing through them...

Memories

I dont know why I remembered this but I did and I am blogging about it.

Some of my favourite memories of being in India is cooking with my mom with my siblings around.

My mom used to make all three of us help her cook. At the time, there were some days when I hated cleaning bags full of coriander or fenugreek. It sucked. But now that I think of it - it wasnt so bad. Usually, it was during summer vacations when all of us were home. Sometime around noon when the sun was high and it was too hot to even look outside. We would spend the afternoon, preping vegetables so that things were ready for the next few days. Or it was a Saturday or Sunday and we were just bored.

My favourite though was this crappy electric oven that my dad got from an auction. My dad was big on auctions. He would find all kinds of junk. He found this circular electric oven the size of big pan, and you had to plug it in to make it work. In India you dont have ovens - usually.

Anyhoo, the first few months that oven was there we made all kinds of things. Tea biscuits, cookies and whatnot. I think it was during summer vacations as my sis, my bro, my mom and myself would all sit on the floor mix the ingredients and cut it into various shapes and bake things. Once these cookies or biscuits were cooked we would eat them on the spot!

It seemed so fascinating at the time. It was fun. We used make the same cookie dough and put various food colouring in it. So in essence it was the same cookie just different colours. Hours were spent on this. It was so silly.

I think the other things that I remember is my dad cooking. My dad is quite the cook. Even though he would only cook once in awhile, esp on Sundays when he was home. He would make this vegetable rice - man it was good!

I think the thing that comes back from all of these memories is how much love there was in the house. How just spending time with each other doing silly things like chopping tomatoes or putting blue colour in the cookie dough was so much fun. How all the arguments about what the next biscuit should taste like seemed so big back then and now seem like they were stupid but fun.

I guess what I am thinking is as little jublet will be born - if I can even create something like the atmosphere that I had growing up I know my kids will be okay. I remember very clearly we didnt have much growing up. Not many expensive clothes and access to the latest gadgets and so on. But we had enough of attention from our parents and tonnes of silly stories that I will always remember. If I can give even half of these to my kids I will be happy.

The Hormones?

Man, Heath Ledger's death is depressing the hell out of me.

I think it might be the hormones. I just cant get over how young he was and how talented.

Normally, celebrity deaths dont effect me as much but this guy was so young!

I am going to focus my energies on something else....food maybe?

My in-laws are back from India. My Mil came back with a bag full of clothes and food. Most of the food was for me sent by my ma. Which is a treat. I wish my mommy was close by so I could just go over and hang out with her. Alas, no such luck for me!

Anyhoo, my mil came back with big ideas of having a baby shower the size of a wedding. She brought everyone clothes and ideas about invitation cards and who was going to be invited and all. Thing is we had a big giant indian wedding. We had anyone who anyone invited. I did the whole thing without a compliant. Even though I didnt like I thought what the hell, it makes everyone happy and really didnt care as long as I was with J. But this baby shower thing is getting out of hand. I already told her 3 times that was not happening. There was no big ceremony and no me dressing up like an pregnant indian doll waiting to be admired by everyone. No way. I think she still thinks this will happen.

I am determined it will not. I think I will win. I dont care how I get treated by her. I dont care what she expects out of me and what she wants me to do. But it stops with me. My kids are not going to be forced into this indian emotional blackmail. And I just drew a line.

J doesnt want any big ceremonies either but it is hard for him to say no. I am prepared to be the b!tch and take the fall. No giant ceremonies with people I dont care about, who will complain to no end and especially not with my parents being in India. No way.

So next few months will be interesting to say the least.

I have been sick.Like cold, fever and congestion sick. Its not fun.

I am home for a few days to recover. Besides my work is stressing the hell out of me. Anyhoo, so the combination has made me not want to blog or really do anything except hang out.

Which I am doing. If nothing, it will be good for the baby I am sure. So there goes.

That is why I have been out of loop and generally lazy.

I think I am going to shower and clean up this place a bit.
Or maybe I will just sit and watch cartoons all day...hmmm, cartoons it is!

Ultrasound

I love ultrasounds!

I got one done yesterday. It was the most amazing thing ever. I got to see little jublet. It was moving around. Trying to hide from the ultrasound scanner. Jublet looks so much like a human except that its only 5 centimeters!

It is pretty amazing to see your baby inside of you. I love new technology!

Anyways, I have been sick as a dog. I have a cold and had some fever yesterday. I feel okay. Still feverish. I think I am going to have to go back home!

Anyways, hopefully I will feel better soon!

So I am still feeling shitty - but what the hell. Its a good sign - the pregnancy is taking well, I am told.

I dont have anything to post about - really.

There is NOTHING happening in my life that you dont already know. So I will give you a break today.

oh my God!

Ok, so I am in week 13 and I still feel like shit!

Everyone I have talked to has told me it gets better. I dont see better at all. I am still always on the verge of throwing up, I am tired as freaking hell and my hormones are all over the place. To make this worse I now have killer headaches.

This is not better - it is worse!

I just want to feel a bit better. Really, is that too much to ask? I really want to curl up and sleep. Sleep all day until its time to give birth. I am getting battered here.

And on top of that, I have to keep J happy. I really just want to lock myself in a room and not come out until its July. I dont want to talk to anyone - cause no one gets it. I dont want to eat - cause I either feel like puking or get heartburn. I dont want sleep cause sleeping is not comfy. And now I am starting to worry about where this baby will sleep when it finally comes out.

Not to mention, I hate being at work. I just cant take it anymore. Just want a break. A break from everything and everyone. I want to be left alone to do what I want.

Crazy, hormonal pregnant woman.

Food.

All I can think of is Food. After the baby of course. I am turning silly.

First of all, I cant think of anything else but the baby. Like I dont even care about anything else right now at all. Last night I was all sad that once the baby is born - I wont be able to carry it around in my belly anymore. Does that sound stupid? I know I have a long ways to go and yada yada yada. But that thought made me super sad. Once the baby is born - I cant protect it and take care of it like I am doing right now. While it is inside of me - I can do whatever to make sure its okay but once its born - it is a seperate being. Anyways, J thought I was being silly.

And then there is food. I love food. I could eat it anytime. Speaking of which - I should go find some.

Happy New Year.

Hope you had an awesome time off. I sort of did!

My pants dont fit anymore so I am doing the old elastic band trick and I have to say it works. I cant wait for the baby to be born. Like really, I am super duper excited. I want figbaby with me.

Anyways, my work is going sideways. Things are going to get ugly and it doesnt matter.

Anyways, I have missed blogging and hope to continue with the same zeal and randomness as before!

Yea, ok. I know I have been M.I.A - but I have been busy sleeping and being amazed by my bulging belly. It is getting huge I am convinced I am having twins or something.

Anyways, Hope you have a Merry Christmas and will have a fabulous but safe New Years. If I dont get here until Jan - see you in the new years!

Almost there.

So it is almost the last day here before year ends.
It seems like I will have to come in on the 28th but other than that we are almost there.

I have been waiting for today like you wont believe. I also had extra energy this morning to get out of bed. Normally, I have to kick myself out of bed - but today, it was sort of easier. I kept telling myself get up and get going and eventually I did.

Anyways, I am sort of excited to have a few days off. It will be nice to relax and just take it slow.

Of course, as I say this, I am well aware that I have yet to buy prezzies for J and get items for 24th dinner and 25th brunch party but that is easy enough, me thinks.

Okay, just finish this day and I will be okay.

I am so sick of being sick. Cant wait until month 4!

Friend

So I have known D since we were in grade 7 I think. I have kept in touch with her through all those years. She moved away from Bombay and we were still in touch and then I moved to Canada and we were still in touch and she moved to UK and we were still in touch. Until I think the start of this year. I have always answered every email she has sent me.

She was having some difficulties with her bf a few years ago and I would listen to her ranting. I have on numerous occasions chatted to her, while I was at work as she was having some crisis.

Then, when we were planning our trip to Italy, emailed her saying we might stop by on our way to Italy. I knew, she was busy with her in-laws so I was expecting a no, that time does not work for me. Instead, I got nothing. Nada. Atleast, have the courtesy to say "dont come". It would have been fine. I was already expecting it. I would understand it totally. But when you dont reply I get the feeling you are avoiding me.

On top of that, I got into trouble w/ J as he was expecting to stop by in UK. When I didnt hear anything from D, I assumed, I was not wanted, and didnt contact D further. I didnt tell this to J as what was I supposed to say "the person I have known for years, who I always make time for is avoiding me?"

Then, I did stop emailing her. Just the occasional 'hi' on orkut. She emailed me sometime back saying the same drawn out excuse I have heard a billion times. I was busy, got busy, in-laws just left, I am working blah blah blah. I did tell her I was pregnant and she mailed me a congratulations card. Which is fine and dandy but I think a little too less too late.

The reason why I am so mad is not because she got busy and didnt email me but because this is a pattern with her. She forgets I exist until she needs to talk or needs advice or is bored. I feel I do most of the work in this relationship and frankly, I am tired.

Then again, I dont have very many friends, so maybe I am the one messed up.

I like how now, instead of using the word "racial" everyone uses the word cultural.

The meaning ends up being the same - the effect is the same - it just sounds better, doesnt it?

My coworkers frequently talk about other "culturally" different people and frequently mention "cultural" differences in terms of food, weight, height and everything else under the sun but never mention race or racial differences.

I dont necessarily think they are being racists or shall I say culturalists...and not everyone does but I find that racism as traditionally defined (and you know no matter what we are calling it these days), is so hard to discern in this PC world. Atleast before it was open. If someone didnt like me because of my skin colour it was open, obvious and most of all I did have to work so hard to figure out why someone would say that or do that. I would not feel guilty of even thinking something along the lines of racism. It was obvious.

Now, while I think perceptions have changed some what and most people dont have the time to care who they are working with as along as the work is done, there is still a lingering effect, that many cant seem to let go. So then, in this PC world, comments are passed, things are said - but the victim then has to go through this thinking process that is tiring, daunting, frustrating and makes one feel guilty as hell to come to conclusion that what they are thinking is true, is correct but are they over thinking that or is it just that now the dagger of racism is wrapped in silk words, polite smiles and stabbed when you are not watching?

I dont know. Just something I noticed.

I will carry through it all.

I am a waterfall.


Yes, there I said it. Do what you want. I claim to be a waterfall and there is nothing you can do about it!

Too much.

I told my employer I was pregnant and they are now acting wierd.

In this day and age, I cannot believe I am under this much stress because I chose to procreate.

Just tell me God is watching over me - I know this is a busy season for him but I do wish he takes some time for me. If not for me, for jublet.

I am at a verge where I cannot take anymore stress.

I am so tired.

Really, all I dream about is sleeping. I dont want to do anything else other than sleep.

I told my employer about jublet. Meh, I dont care if I get fired or otherwise loose something in terms of work. I am too tired and sick to care.

No Manners!

Rude, Rude, Rude!


We went to see No country for old men, last night. Which is fantastic BTW! See it.

So we go and I find that ppl in theatres have no manners what so ever. Where are your basic manners?

We go in, find a seat, well before the movie begins. We make it a point to go before the movie begins, b/c basically, we dont like seeing movies once they have begun - but also - its unfair to other ppl who get there in time and get the seats and wait for the movie to begin. We have this couple come over - they are late. The movie has already begun and the guy is poking my back asking me if the seat is taken. I say no. He makes us get up - sits down and then, instead of watching the movie - his head is jerking towards the side to see if his partner was there. She comes and he is waving his hands - all the while the movie is going on, and then she comes over to sit. Fine. Its their right to seated like the rest of us.

Then, without giving too much away, there is scene where someone gets shot - the guy says loudly "oh my god". Yeah, did you really not expect that coming smart guy? Anyhoo, then half way through the movie someone's cell phone goes off and then someone is whispering shit.

This happens all the time. I find it so rude. I've had young girls exclaiming "oh my god look at the shoes", dropping drinks and giggling. I've had two wise guys, cracking up half way through Casino Royale - right when Mr. Bond is walking half naked, dripping water, looking super hot.

I've had ppl talking, like discussing grocery list while watching "The Pianist". I could go on. I just wonder if ppl leave all their basic manners when they enter the theater? Everything you have been taught goes out the window!
It is extremely rude to subject other ppl to this!

I am not asking for zombie mode -but atleast have the decency to show up on time, sit and turn off your cell phones. Have the decency to not discuss grocery lists or giggle loudly when you drop your drink. Am I being unreasonable? I think not.

Ewwwwww!

I dropped butter, or more correctly Margarine, on my pants.

Right on my crotch.

We ordered food today at work. I had ordered a bagel toasted w/ butter on the side. The butter had melted and as I opened the tiny container - it spilled on my pants.

I am such an idiot!

So right now, I have a scarf over my neck going all the way down - to cover my suspicious looking crotch!

How do I do these things?

i just found out that the other job opening with some other place that was a possiblity is not anymore.

Its disappointing and it feels like all the doors are slamming on my face.

Although, somehow I dont care. It doesnt matter. In the larger scheme of things its peanuts. Its like jublet within me has come along just at the right time. It almost doesnt matter where I work, if I work, if I want to work - nothing matters.

I am so happy with where I am right now that everything else is peanuts. And if the time comes when I actually might not have a job for whatever reason - I'll find something. I've always had the weirdest luck - it all works out for the best in the end and I find for me that is true more than anything else. Somehow, things fall into place and considering a lot things and taking into account all the people around me - I am lucky. It just kind of works out. Which is what will happen. So screw the world and let me focus on what I need to and want to more than anything else. Jublet! Which apparently is now the size of a cherry!

I want to cry

I've been wanting to cry for awhile, actually since last night. I havent yet. I dont plan to anytime soon.

I work as an LRO and am paid as a student. Yesterday, my employer offered me the right job and with very little increase in pay. I made me feel like crap. I do intend to bring this forward but still it hurts.

Anyways, will keep you updated on what happens.

I found out by mistake really, what cures morning sickness - dark chocolate. I was packing a piece of chocolate cake for J and put a bit in my mouth and viola, I felt better!

Really!

Ok, maybe this is common knowledge to everyone but I just found this out and I am sticking to it. I have more reason to eat dark chocolate - in moderation, of course!

Vegetarian

The thing about being a vegetarian and being pregnant is that you get asked to eat meat for the pregnancy.

To start from the start.

I've always been a vegetarian, ever since I was a child. So its not a fashion statement for me. Its not something I just picked up. Everyone I know, knows that I have never had any meat or eggs. NEVER.

So now that I am pregnant it is hard for me to get full nutrition for my jublet and still eat without wanting to throw up. My nausea at seeing spinach doesnt help either!

So, I am trying to drink lots of soy milk, eat lots of vegetables and beans to counter the lack of meat. Also, I am not completely convinced that meat helps all that much - you can easily substitute beans or tofu for protein!

I just hate when someone tells me casually, oh eat some meat and it will be alright. No it wont. First of all, I cant eat meat cause I've never eaten it. Ever. So its not like I will simply be taking up something I stopped. I never started!

Then, telling me to eat meat, casually, makes it seem like I am a bad person for not thinking this, I am bad mother for not thinking about jublet's needs. That is not how this is going to go down! I am very well aware of what I need to eat and am trying my best, but the nausea is not helping.

And also, BTW - my mom is not here. So its not like I get things handed to me. I have make things I want to eat and sometimes, the thought of cooking something makes me sick, even though I want to eat it and know that I should be eating it. (J, tries to help but the man has to work!) So, you telling me eat meat doesn't help!

So, the gist of this rant is I am trying my freaking best without any help and I am already stressed and tired and nauseous all the time and you calling me and telling me eat meat - pushes me over the edge, especially when I am already kind of on that line anyways. Thank you very much!

(BTW - the casual suggestion was put forward, in all her well meant kindness by none other than my mil. And I would have told her all this except I cant fight over the phone and was just too tired so I said yes, she was right and hung up)

So, I am not one of those women who go all girly and super baby obsessed. I dont think there is anything wrong with being that - its just not me. In fact, I wish it was me - cause I really think society expects that from you as a pregnant woman.

Anyhoo, just thought of this today. Its weird. I am happy, in fact I am super happy - but being a very practical person - I tend not to romanticize anything. I am the person who hates buying flowers on valentines day. I dont expect J to buy me flowers everyday or take walks with me in the moonlight. I dont. I dont crave it. I'd much rather take that walk by myself. Much rather buy those flowers for myself, if I wanted. It makes an interesting marriage as J is more of an romantic. This baby stuff is wonderful but its not the end all. It doesnt define me. It makes me happy but like a lot of women I know it doesnt complete me. Its weird. I wish I didnt feel this disconnected. But I cant change that. I can enjoy where I am and who I am. I just wish I was girly and bursting to buy baby clothes.

Partly, I think it is me wanting to get through the first 3 months. I think once that is done, I will become more 'pregnant'. But until that time - I need to be practical, I think.

Toast

I love toast.

As a child that used to be my favourite thing to eat. I like toast of any kind.

In India, the lack of a toaster forces people to toast a toast in the pan. So you heat the pan, put bread on it and let it toast a bit. Once it is toasted, you can do one of two things.
1) Take the toast out of the pan and butter it and gobble it.
2) Put butter on the toast and let it sit on the pan. This makes the toast buttery and brown and generally delicious.

I love toast that way. I used to eat it pretty much everyday at home.

I also love toast - toasted in the toaster. You toast it and then butter it when hot. So the butter melts and you have warm googy, buttery goodness.

But as I love toast. I also love toasting my bread in the toaster or the toaster oven, and letting it cool and then buttering it. So its crunchy and buttery.

I ate toast this morning. It was delicious.

Ok, apparently I am obsessed by this fake eyelashes girl. I have seen her several times and blogger about her here.

She was wearing fake eyelashes and they just look weird. Its too early, you are not Christina Aguilara and no one needs fake eyelashes first thing in the morning. I dont care who you are!

Seriously, one of these days I am going to follow her and see what she does for a living that requires her to wear giant eyelashes....

Wow, someone is feeling bitchy today!

Sick, sick, sick

I am too sick to eat anything. I feel soooooo hungry but the thought of eating grosses me out. I go through this grossing out of food every so often but right now I am dying to eat!

Its a bad combo. Plus, I have to make sure I eat healthy!

Yesterday, I couldnt down anything other than boiled rice. I know, not good for the baby but I think me puking everything I eat wouldnt be that good either. So - I ate some boiled rice and drank some soy milk. I had to force myself to drink half a glass of Soy.

I actually find that milk and cheese make me sick. I have always known I was slightly allergic to to both but the pregnancy is bringing the worst in me. I had some ice cream and some crackers and cheese on Saturday night and woke up early morning with sweat running down me, horrible (worst) stomach ache I have ever had and nausea like there is no tomorrow - I go to the washroom and think that the worse is happening. But no, I had horrible upset stomach all the while trying not to puke and wanting a glass of cold water. I somehow stumble back to bed - J is up wondering the same thing. Then, about half an hour later - I feel normal like nothing had happened.

Anyways, while I am not able to eat, I feel like eating butter fried bread and pickled turmeric. But the thought of eating them is making me sick. So you see I dont know what to do!

I am getting my brazilian wax today. I am apprehensive but also excited.

I figure might as well do it now before I get too big...

I am so hungry. Like I can eat a horse. Really. Doesnt matter what I eat - as soon as I am done eating I want to eat more. Like yesterday, I had dinner and then wanted to eat another dinner - its crazy!

And then, I saw my acupuncturist who was shocked that I havent given up tea for my pregnancy. I am Indian I drink tea - my only vice. Once a day with tonnes of milk and sugar - so shoot me!

Anyhoo, so I told her that I have been craving spicy food - and she said that was very unusual for pregnant women. Now I feel I am odd. Meh! who cares I will eat spicy food and drink my cha with it!

Dubai

I want to go to Dubai! I keep hearing about it from my family in India...

I seems fun. Lots of heat and tonnes of money.

Of maybe I just want to be in some place warm and sunny. I could totally do that right now. Hawaii, Mexico, India, Australia - whatever. Bring it on!

Hmmm, I keep waiting for my warm, flop around vacation - not that Italy wasnt fun. It was awesome and I am so glad we did that but I want to go and flop on the beach...

You cant have it all can you? Damn it!

I am going back

to the 90s that is.....apparently.

I have discovered the Stone Roses! They are freaking awesome. All I want to do all day is listen to them....

That and Oasis.

Is that wrong?

Well, I have been dying to blog. I started blogging to keep a record of my thoughts and me generally. Whatever I write is quite private. I treat the blog like my diary. That is why J doesnt know I have a blog and I would be miffed if he ever read it. Anyways.

Turns out, I am pregnant! I found out on Saturday. J was over the moon - I am terrified.

Yes, that is what I am absolutely terrified. Like deer in the headlights terror!

Now, I am hoping this is normal. If not, I dont know. All I know is the mere fact of pushing a human being out of me is bringing terror.

The other thing is me being a typical sagittarian, the thought of all this responsibility is bringing terror. I am not worried much about that part - I know I will be okay with it over time I just need it to marinate within me and it will be fine.

I went to see the Bee Movie, which was okay, and there were all these moms and kids and it was like a look into the future for me. The glazed eyes, the dishevelled hair, the crusts on the clothes...I'll be honest, it freaked me out a bit.


Partly, I think I just need to talk to someone about this. Someone who has had kids and gone through this whole thing. Once I talk to someone, it will be alright I think. I wanted talk to J's friend, Amy who has two kids. J wants me to talk to his mum. I like his mum and all but come on - the last time she was pregnant was in 1973. That is long time ago. We has also decided not to tell anyone until the first 3 months. Now, he wants me to tell his parents and my parents and all of india and I am still in the terror stage! The way I usually work is i let the terror be inside of me - let me be okay with all the terror and panic and once I am done freaking out - I will be okay. Its just the way I work and I told J exactly that and he did a typical boy thing and didnt listen to what I was saying. It irritates the hell out of me. He went on about how telling his mum would be great and all that, I partly agree, since my mum is nowhere close I would be good to have a mother figure - but I need time. And he doesnt seem to get it. I know why that is - he is 37 and was waiting for this to happen. I am 27 and dealing with this as a 27 yr old would. He is so excited and all he talks about is the child and what we have to do....

As I said, I am in the terror mode.

So, today we tell his parents. Which is whatever, I dont really care about the details right now. I am sick from wanting to puke and tired cause I cant seem to get enough sleep and the last thing I want to do is argue with a lawyer. Whateves. He wants to tell his parents go ahead be my guest - I know that in a matter to few weeks I will be okay.


Really being married to a lawyer is sometimes exhausting. You will never win an arguement and the opposing side will always make sense to you as it will be logically presented to you. After which, you will wonder what you were arguing about anyways.

So I met JC....
He seems like a nice guy. Very relaxed and very genuine. I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of ppl so we will see if this one works.
Good for my co-worker!


In other news, my bowl of strawberries disappointed me. Yes, strawberries in November should have been my first clue but I wasnt.
I took them out of the fridge this morning put them in my bag and took the bag with me.
I walking to the bus stop all the while thinking "I am going to eat you strawberries".
I got on to the bus and found a seat.
I peeked into my bag - looked at them - all red, juicy and waiting to be eaten.
I told them - "Just wait till I get to the office! Just wait".
My stop came and got out and started walking towards the office building and into the elevator to the 20th floor. Strawberries still waiting...and the thought of eating them bringing joy in my otherwise dull life.
I got into the office - threw my stuff on the chair and retrived the bag of strawberries.
Took them to the kitchen, washed them with care and then realized....some of them were squishy and brown and not entirely edible.

Damn stupid strawberries!

So, I get to meet my co-worker's husband (JC) that came from Mexico.

There is a whole back story that I am afriad of posting as there were problems with coming through the airport and immigration. Oh well, he didnt lie - told immigration Canada that he was in jail for smuggling pot into the States, completed his sentence and that now he has given his life to Christ and is dedicated to help others not kill themselves w/ drugs and so on.

After 2 hours of interrogation immigration Canada let him in. My co-worker and JC are now married. And I get to meet him today. This will be nice as I have heard about this guy for 3 months and now I can see him.

I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But lets hope this is a one legged problem and there is no other shoe.

I am bored I should go home and sleep.

ooops!

Apologies, I have been busy sleeping or hanging out eating cupcakes.

Really, this long weekend i didnt do anything special - just slept, ate and cleaned the house a bit.

I ended up going to the Diwali puja at the temple. Which was okay. It was a small affair - J's parents, his sis and the two of us. His sis's bf was supposed to join us but was called into work. So we went to the temple then came home to wait for him to go out to dinner. He calls at about 7 saying he will be on his way, then at around 8.30 calls again saying he was waiting for us to figure out where we were eating so that he could meet us there!

He eventually showed up by which time R (sis-in-law) was pissed off.

We ate at 9.30, by which time I wasnt even hungry. All of that was fine but he never even apologized for making us wait for so long. He has done that before, showed up late. But this was like waiting for him for 3 hours to eat and no sorry. I like him a lot but there seems to be something wrong with him. I dont know I always get the feeling that there is something he is not telling.

We also had dinner with the two of them R and her bf (whose name also starts with R, I will call him Rick) on Sunday. Anyways, R was talking about babies and diamond rings, obviously wanting to get there. I think from what I can gather, is that Rick is ready to go down that path but not right now and seemed so uncomfortable when R mentioned the rings and babies. My head was going "Ekkkk, stop talking about this as your bf clearly doesnt seem to be comfortable with this conversation". Anyways, ever since I first met Rick, I have had this feeling and everytime I spend more time with him, it seems to get stronger and stronger....

I like him but I dont know. Anyways, I hope everything works between the two of them and that I am just paranoid.

Italy - Part 5

Venice!

Okay, Venice was the last stop in Italy. We were there only for 2 nights mainly because the hotels were super expensive. Like 480 euros for 2 nights expensive.

That was mainly because we stayed in San Marco instead of staying the mainland. Now that was partially b/c it was going to be the last stop and b/c we didnt want to take the Vaporatti back and forth each day.

In the end, it all worked out. So we got to Venice by train from Florence. We had to double back to Florence from Lucca - which was not the end of the world as the train ride was fun. Anyhoo, got to Venice by train and took the vaporatti to San Marco. Our hotel was nutty and super cool (well, it had better be given the price!) Anyways, the hotel was decorated with Thai and Indonesian carpets and furniture and music was filtered in our room. It was fun.

So the first evening we set off on a treasure hunt to find glass bead jewellery. On the way we saw this church with exhibit on Violins and selling concert tix. As church attendance is low and Venice is trying to re-build its art scene there are classical concerts in churchs all over Venice. We got tix for the next night.

So from there we set out on foot to find glass beads. We decided to walk as taking a vaporatti would have been expensive as hell. So we walked towards the Accademia Bridge and towards the Peggy Guggenheim museum. And we found glass beads! (I forget the name of the artist, but he is pretty famous as his family has been doing this forever. We bought jewellery from his wife). I bought a necklace and earrings and bought earrings for my sister and sister-in-law. Man they were expensive. As soon was we paid for it - I had jelly legs. I couldn't walk. I got over that soon as the jewellery itself was exquisite.

After spending that much dough - we decided to get something to eat. We ran into this crazy place which had pizza but it had a really thick crust. Like about an inch and had all kinds of toppings. We looked at it and were kind of iffy...but we thought what the hell, we'll get a slice each and hope for the best. And it was delicious! I can remember where this place was, it was just a tiny place that catered to students but the food was delicious.

The next day we of course did San Marco. It is beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. Highly recommended. The church is beautiful. There is also a treasury in there - go in there. It is fascinating. After San Marco, we went to the Peggy Guggenheim museum since we thought we shd do something different than the same art. I am glad we did that. It has some amazing collections, absolutely go see them.

Our last evening in Italy we went to the classical concert that we had tickets for. It was an awesome way to end our trip. What better way to say good bye to Italy by spending an evening listening to masters of classical music?

In my experience, Venice was crazy expensive. I mean everywhere we walked we saw Prada and Gucci stores. And everything costs so much. My favourite cities have to be Florence and Naples. Both are so beautiful. So lovely and full of live and character. I will always have good memories of them.

I have to say, I am glad we did Italy. Nothing disappointed us. Italy is a beautiful country - it truly is. There is so much culture, so much history and so much pride. This trip to Italy will always be with me. The people are so nice, so understanding, so proud and so helpful. The food - well, what can I say? Whatever I say will not do justice so, well, I am not going to say anything. Coffee - I am in love with Italian Caffe Latte.

If you are thinking of going to Italy and have doubts - I would say go. Go and do your own thing. Dont take those tours, you dont need to. Go and experience Italy for what it is.

And for godsake, try food that you wouldnt normally try! Go out of the tourist centres and order something different. We took this Italian to English book for food. So reading menus was pretty easy and we got to eat some delicious food that we would never have eaten otherwise. When looking for food we always went into restaurants with no English menus and that served us well.

Oh, I love Italy!

On a serious note...

Today for the first time I want to quit my job without even looking for a new one.

Until now, I have been thinking - oh, will definately quit when I find a new job, whatever it is. Now I have hit rock bottom cause I just want to quit. I do. I dont care that I will not get paid anymore, my self esteem will be nowhere to be found, I will be miserable b/c of no pay but will be happy cause I dont have come here.

Oh God! What am I to do?

I am in a sticky situation. I need to keep my job as without it I will be completely dependant on J. I have been there before and let me tell you, its not fun. I dont ever want to be at a point where I am completely dependant on someone. So I have been avoiding that senario until today.

Now I feel I just want out whatever the cost!

I hate being here. I love my workmates but hate the prospect of answering one more damned question from my clients. I - just - hate - it.

I hate that I am getting paid as a student inspite of not being a student and pretty much holding this sinking ship afloat. Yes, that gives me a good bargaining position but the reality is I dont want to work here. So, me trying to secure a permanent position is just trapping myself in. I cant make myself do that. And, yet, I know what I have to do now - I have to go for that permanant position b/c I have looked everywhere I havent found anyone to hire me. I just cant keep hoping to get by. I need the money and if with that money comes the trap then so be it.

The only way and I mean the ONLY way all of this would be bearable is if I were pregnant. I would be happy. It would give some meaning to my miserable work life. I will justify working here b/c I will have a child to take care of. That is not happening. Granted its only been like 2 months of trying but I makes me sad.

Part of me wishes to be a housewife from when women werent expected to work. Whenever that was. I wouldnt be in this position. How awful is that?

I have even thought of going back to school but even that seems like a stupid move, cause then, not only I am not working and not getting paid but I am raking up even more student loans.


I am sorry to bring such a downer of a post but I promise I will write about Venice soon!

Work

So my co-worker, the racist or mildly racist one is talking to herself. I can hear her. There is a reason for this.

While she was in Mexico helping her step-mom runn a christian mission, she met someone. This guy who I will call JC, also works at the mission. Anyways, that was a few months ago. They met and fell in love.

JC is now coming here to be with her. She is paying for him to get his passports, get his tix and all the other neccessary things. She doesnt make much but she is doing all of this. This is why she is talking to herself. I think it is sweet. I am so happy for her. I hope everything works out well for her. She has had such a hard life.

From what I can gather, her father was abusive - she had not so good childhood. Grew up to be a stripper, did drugs, lived on the streets and then one day she found God and completely did a 180 degree turn. She is awesome at her job, volunteers all available time to the church, buys food for the homeless she runs into, gives her cell phone number to women living on the street in case they want to make a change, looks after her grandkids, and is now looking forward to being with her new man. She is one of my heroes. I think it takes a lot of courage in doing what she has done.

Is there anyone you admire?

Italy Part 4

Lucca

I dont have any pictures of Lucca without me or J in it and I am tempted to put a picture of myself but since I am trying to give myself away I hestitate. Then again, very few ppl read this blog and so I have nothing to worry about....I dont know....

Anyways, to Lucca. It is a small town in Tuscany, not very far from Florence. We took the train from Firenze to Lucca. This was one of the local super slow trains, unlike the Eurostar we had taken before. So it stopped on all stops. It took an hour and a half to get to Lucca. The train station is outside the city wall. Yes, Lucca has a city wall. The walls are more like gardens where you can walk, shop, bicycle and so on.

Getting out of the train station, we walked to the city wall and towards our B&B. It was not a very long walk.

There is very little to do in Lucca. We decided to rent bicycles and go around the city. It was so much fun! I hadnt been on a bicycle before that for like 9 years or so. So the first time I got on it - I was wobbling all over. J was like a pro, I was hesitant but did okay I think. We spent most of the time either doing this or washing our laundry. We had no clothes at this point. Anyways, we found this laundromat that played really good American Rock! So it was fun.

We also shopped for a bit. I bought some Olive Oil and Jitesh bought himself a leather bag. It cost an arm and a leg like 220 euros worth of arms and legs! But he loves it and I think he deserves a little (or big) treat!

Food was okay here. We found this one place not far from the B&B and the food there was good. The next evening we went walking to find a place to eat and it was disappointing. We ordered Pizza, a salad and something else. Remember we had just got from delicious pizza eating experience from Florence and the Pizza at this place was gross. Like pre-made, frozen pizza that tasted like punishment!

Oh well.

From Lucca our next and last Italian stop was Venice.

I am super horny right now!

Better make a baby this month!

Its Halloween, I am too busy to write anything as I am eating Candy. This should do....

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

Italy Part 3

Florence or Firenze


Of all the places I have ever been and will ever be - Florence will always be my favourite. There is something about that city - it is the calm of the city, the winding streets, the buildings and the people. I am in love with Florence.

From Naples we took a 4 hour train ride to Florence. Florence is a wonderful city. It is just beautiful. Even if you dont do any site-seeing, just walking on the streets of Florence will be site seeing enough. It has all the makings of a romantic holiday! Cobble stoned streets, old buildings, wonderful winding streets, beautiful piazzas and delicious gelato. What more could you ask for?  


You can walk to one of the many bridges on the River Arno to just, well, hang out or sit in a cafe doing nothing. Let Florence work its charm on you.

  

The first day we got there we went to see the Duomo. It is hard to not see the Duomo just cause it is huge. It is a must. The inside is beautiful. There are free tours given by students. We met this awesome guy who was from US and gave his tour which was awesome! Duomo was awesome. Also, You can also go up the dome. The climb is about 400 steps and if you are claustrophobic - you might want to not do it. It wasnt too bad but if there are lots of tourists then - certainly you can get breathless. There are two levels to the dome. Level one takes you closer to the Frescoes on the dome and level two will take you even closer. The final walk is on top of the dome looking out at the city. Go up. Really, it was well worth it.

After doing the Duomo we walked around Florence and you have to do that. Florence is a city like no else. There is culture, beauty, art, history and a pulse - all together every where you walk. It is put simply - wonderful.

We ate a tonne of gelato in Florence. You cant really go wrong.

We also found the best pizza in the world in Florence. This place (again if you want specific details about this place email me and I will send you details) was amazing. You could only order 3 kinds of pizzas: marinara (tomato sauce, garlic and oregano), margarita (tomato sauce and bocconcini and basil) and napolitana (tomato sauce, anchovies, capers and bocconcini). We ate at this place the 2 nights we were there. The pizzas were cooked in this wood fired oven and was made right in front of you. I dream about those pizzas. They were sooooooooo good.

We also had a chance to go the local street shops. Near the supermercato in Florence there are tonnes of vendors selling decent to good leather bags, shoes, jackets, purses, belts and scarves among other things. Be prepared to bargain. It was very cool to do that. Spent almost half a day there. It was fun.

From there we went to Ponte Vecchio - you know the bridge, the very famous bridge! Just opposite the bridge was this awesome glove factory. J bought some real nice leather gloves for like a $100. They are beautiful. This place is where locals buy their gloves and it also ships gloves all over the world.

Hmm, the last day was for the Uffizi. We had already done the Gallaria della'Accademia for the statue of David. Now for both these places you need to buy tix in advance during tourist seasons - which now is like all the time in Italy. So, make sure you do that at least 2 or 3 days in advance if you going in October. Uffizi was disappointing. Very much so. It seemed like they took all the paintings and sculptures and just threw them in a museum. There was no order or anything to it. But seeing the 'Birth of Venus' was still amazing!

Obviously, see the statue of David. The original not the fake. It was very cool and you can see why it is so famous!

We also went to the scientific museum - not sure what the name is but it is very close to the Uffizi and was worth going to. You can see Galileo's original instruments among other cool and horrifying things.
Yes, horrifying! The museum has original terracotta and wax casts used by doctors to see and understand pregnancy. It was cool but also horrifying b/c they were so accurate that they looked real.

Anyways, all in all it was cool to be in Firenze. Next stop Lucca!

Damn it!

break

Apologies for being away. Now that I am back to work I will write more.

There are several pros and cons to being back to work...

Cons:
Being at work
Having to work
Getting up early and getting dressed and ready in a matter for 30 minutes.
Having to get out of the house when it is raining.
Using you brain again.

Pros:
Seeing work mates again.
Seeing my ex-crush again (donno if that makes him my crush again. I think not.)
Wearing new clothes that you bought from the outlet malls.
Listening to music while on the bus
Using your brain again.

Ok, hopefully I will have the Florence update the next time I log in.

Italy Part 2

We took the train from Rome to Naples. It took about 2 hours. Because neither of us spoke Italian, finding the train and platform on Roma Termini was interesting. We asked this train official, all of whom wear Green jackets, and he kept telling us the train name over and over again. It was funny.

Anyways, out of the train on Napoli central and we had to haggle for a cab. Naples is known as the Detroit of Italy. It can be a dangerous city, last year alone they had 200 deaths. So its not a good place to be if you are a tourist, at night and dont know what the hell you are doing. Cabbies are known for not giving the right price, trying to take more money off you and such. Anyways, we got a nice cab driver who took us to our hotel which was away from the centre of the city. Not a bad thing. The hotel, San Francesco al Monte, was on the mountain and was simply spectacular. It is highly recommended.

Naples might be a lot of things but it is also a very beautiful city. It is gorgeous. It is quite hilly and this makes the city even more interesting. Our view from the hotel was stunning. As you see in the picture apparently Naples was welcoming us with the rainbow!



Anyways, the first evening we decided to go to the archaeological museum. If you are remotely interested in archeology or Pompeii - go to this museum. The whole of the museum is mostly dedicated to Pompeii and artifacts found there. It was very interesting to see them. The museum itself was very interesting. It was unlike most posh museums you will see. It was a bit run down but it was a true museum unlike the cash making machines most museums now seem to be (more on that when we get to Firenze). Anyways, it was cool to see the artifacts from Pompeii before going to Pompeii.

The next day was the day for Pompeii. It took my breath away. Pompeii was amazing. Just truly amazing. We took a pre-guided tour which lasted from 10 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon. If you like archeology, history and old cities dont miss Pompeii. I could have spent the entire day there. It was just awesome. Dont miss this.

The next day we were going to do Capri islands. Which we didnt. Mainly because there were thousands of tourists. It didnt seem to have the appeal after seeing a billion tourists.

I actually really liked Naples. It was a real city. Everyone you will talk to will tell you it is quite a dangerous city. Which might be true but I didnt see any reason not to go there. I mean the only way you will get shot or robbed is if you are stupid. We took the regular precautions - kept our stuff with us, didnt go walking around at midnight and so on. It was fine. This is one of the highly recommended cities. If you are interested in seeing a real Italian city - go to Naples.

The driving in Italy seemed to be mostly fine except in Naples. Driving was crazy here. If there was space for your vehicle you were expected to drive there. It was nutty. We also to the bus and that was crazy as well. Mind you I have lived in India and it was crazier than India!

The food in Naples was amazing. We actually found a small restaurant run by a family. The menu was in Italian and the waiter did not speak a word of English and the food was just amazing. It really was.

The only thing to keep in mind when traveling to Naples is to take cash with you. You bank card might not work, many places might not take credit cards and the banks only cash travelers cheques from 9 to 1. We found that out the hard way!

Italy - part 1

I am going to try to try a post about each city in Rome - Dont know if that will work but here is the first one.

We flew from Vancouver to London and London to Rome.

In typical Air Canada fashion, our flight from Vancouver to London was delayed "due to technical reasons". We were told this after checking in, boarding and putting on our seat belts. Something sounded fishy - in true form we left about two hours late with very little time to catch the connection. We did make the connection and arrived in Rome airport and took the train (an express train from airport to the city centre). Which was not bad at all.

Anyways, we step out of the train station and are trying to figure out where we should be going and ended taking a 10 euro taxi ride for a 5 minute walk. Oh well.

Rome was the worst part of the trip. The city centre of Rome is so touristy that literally everywhere we went - we heard nothing but English and saw nothing but English pubs. It was awful. I mean I didnt go to Italy to get the authentic experience but it would have been nice to eat some pasta without the same damned tomato sauce. Anyhoo, if you are planning to go to Rome - you wont need more than 3 days in the city. We saw pretty much all there was to see. The highlights were the of course the Sistine Chapel and the Pantheon. Both of these took my breath away.

We had to wait for 3 hours in the hot sun to see the Sistine Chapel but it was so worth it. A word of advice, do the Sistine Chapel and the whole of Vatican on a weekday. We made the mistake of going on a Saturday and it was a nut house. The weekdays you would get a little shorter lineup. Oh, yes, and do be there at 8 in the morning. We found that by the time we were done the Sistine Chapel and Vatican Museum in general we didnt really care about standing in another lineup to see the Basilica. We didnt even try. At that point we had had enough. The Chapel itself is wonderful. It really is. There is nothing that can describe it. I am obviously not a catholic in any way - but you have to see it.

The Pantheon was also truly amazing. We didnt have to stand in any lineups at all to see it. It was just amazing. It is one to things you dont want to miss.

Some of the other things worth seeing are, of course the Colosseum, the Capitoline Museums, The Roman Forum. We didnt end up seeing the Roman baths but I think it would have been awesome.

Rome, inspite of its touristy-ness will always have a special place in my heart for this one Enoteca we ate at. If you want the name - email me and I will send you details.

Okay, next up is Naples.

I am Back!

Well, I am back home. I will write a more detailed post when I get the chance, but I have to say - Firenze - which sounds much better than Florence - is the most beautiful city I have ever been to.

It is simply stunning. If you have been you know what I am talking about, if not, you have to.

Italy is a beautiful country. The food, the wine, and the people all just great.

Have to go - but will be back!

In Rome.

I have my coffee in a public square, had my wine, ate my pizza and had some ok pasta!

All seems well. However, man this place is expensive.

All good, all fair.

Ciao for now!

Kayaking

So I am in Egmont BC for J's firm's retreat. Which is awesome!

Anyhoo, I went kayaking for the first time in my life - it awesome!

I have been canoeing but kayaking was a first. It was a lot of fun!

However, you have to have upper body strength - which I dont. So every now and then, I had to just stop rowing - or whatever it is called. We went in a group and everyone else was ahead of me - but it was okay. I had fun, except next time I would take time to wander around by myself. This was a guided tour - so we were guided but there are other things I wanted to do - just hang out and see the jelly fishes for a little bit and so on.

Anyways, I had fun. Afterwards I came to the room had a nap and hot shower.

Its been fun for a while.

Poor J, he has been in a meeting all day.

Evil

I have been evil.

Yesterday, after leaving work - I went to buy some luggage since the one I have is falling apart.

I couldnt find one so then decided I should walk home - so I was walking and checking messages on my phone.

I had two messages from my acupunturist. Fuck! Acupuncture! I had totally forgotten! One was at 4pm asking me if I was going to be there and one a 4.30pm telling me that clearly I wasnt going to be there and that she didnt want to charge me and had an opening today that she could fit me in.

What did I do?

I got home and called her.

She picked up the phone and I told her that I had cancelled the appointment. I lied to my nice acupuncturist!

I told her I had cancelled and could not make it to the one today cause, well I couldnt. I was feeling horrible. But the alternative was paying $75 which I wouldnt get back from my benefits provider cause I had no receipt. I was talking to her and happened to mention luggage shopping and she offered me her luggage! I felt even more horrible! I am terrible person. Only way to make it up - somewhat is to buy her some small token for her from Italy.

Things I am looking forward to!

Ok, its getting really close to me going away on a vacation. This one will be real one - a full 3.5 weeks of f@#king around in Italy. Literally and figuratively.

So this is the first time I am going Europe. And first time in a country that has a language I dont speak. So it will be interesting. We chose Italy because both myself and J love food and wine and culture. And there is a lot of it there! Plus, it is such a romantic country! I am really looking forward to it all! Some of things in no particular order are:

The food - all the cheese, bread and pastas and everything in between

The Wine - and lots of it!

Some coffee - I dont drink coffee but I will try it there!

I love that we have nothing booked - so we can spend as much time anywhere we like. I love that if we think we need to spend 2 weeks in Rome we can!

The gondola ride in the grand canal

Being in Florence - reminding me of one of my fav movies 'Room with a view'

Seeing Pompeii

Seeing Italy pass us by as we sip wine

Probably a drive around Tuscany

Being able to see all of this with J

Not having to show up to work

Not having to think about work and in-laws and the politics of it all

Maybe getting pregnant in Italy. I have to say I am really looking forward to that more than anything else. There is nothing in the world that would make me happier. I also think it would be fun to name that child something completely Italian and screw him/her for life a la the namesake! Ok, obviously I am joking.

I am not writing this post to make you jealous or anything just that both J and myself have worked so hard for so long. We really deserve this and I think it will be fun. We will be broke by the time we get back but WTF! You only live once.

Yippieeeee! Besides work is so stressful right now that I would do anything to not be here right now.

Ok I am out for today!

I am catching a cold. Yes I am.

Damn it!

what else?

Monday is by far the most difficult day of the week. You enjoyed two full days of doing nothing or doing things that actually please you and then, Monday comes and you've got to do things you dont want to!

Anyhoo, its nearly time for me to go away to Italy. I am excited and looking forward to it! I cant wait to get away from work! Its getting more and more difficult to work here and I can actually feel the strain of things when I walk in. The only thing that keeps me coming is the paycheque, of course, and my co-workers!

Anyways, a month away will be good!

Bollywood magic - part 2

I was very young when I first saw the movie 'Naam' and heard this song. I remember my mum crying - I didnt understand it but I remember my mum crying.



Everytime I hear this song, I understand why. I was working and listening to music when this song came on - and yes, I was bawling my eyes out. Its a beautiful song and I completely get it now.

You have to hear it to understand what he is singing about but its about Indian expats in Uk or America, I think. He is singing about this letter he received from the motherland and everyone who has every left their home behind will get it. Only thing is he is singing in Hindi and I dont think there are any subtitles.

I think of my mom whenever I hear this song - because I remember her crying when this song was on and becuase I have been away from India for 7 something years, everytime I talk to her, I hear it in her voice - she misses me just as I miss her.

Bollywood magic

So here I am working - at work, where else?

I have itunes and the cool thing about that is I get to listen to music while working.

I recently found this Bombay Beats (Bollywood music) radio channel. I love it. They play ok songs - but many of them are from back in the day when I was a young non-cynical young gal (well, actually I was never non-cynical now that I think of it, but whatever!)

So listening to this music takes me back! To my first crushes and so on and so forth. Good times with my school friends - its awesome!

200?

This is my 200th post!

Yippie.


I woke up this morning and normally I can see the clock on the wall pretty clearly - today I couldnt. I couldnt really see how late I was going to be.

See normally I set my clock for 7.16am. And I crawl out of bed at around 7.30 or sometimes, much to the panic of J, at 7.45. So when I open my eyes I see the clock and calculate how long I will be. I have never jumped out of bed anywhere close to the time my alarm goes off.

Anyhoo, I was trying to see the time and then it struck me! I was darker than usual outside. "Pfffffft!" me thinks! Its nearly fall. It will get darker and darker outside until, alas, it will be completely dark. I will have to run around in the dark and look out the window to see nothing but rain pouring and trees blowing in the wind.

It can be pretty gorgeous but also depressing. Hmmm, how time goes.

Random

I only have two weeks to go and there is so much to do.

I feel I need more time to go away on vacation.

Anyways, I had a dream where I had a child with me and then I gave it to someone to keep an eye on him/her. Then, the child was lost. No one could find him/her and I was terrified.

Okay, its good to know I am back to normal - getting stupid dreams.

Work is going on as usual. The new board is getting elected today - so that will be interesting. Not that I care anymore.

I watching the emmys last nite - I freaking hate Sally Field. She is soooooo dramatic. Okay, the reason I am talking about the Emmys is I was watching it w/ J - and I was sitting on the loveseat and he was on the couch - I look over and he was switching his contacts from old phone to new phone. And I couldnt help but feel overwhelming love for him. He is so cute and cuddly and lovable.

We met about 10 yrs ago and from the first instant we talked to each other - we clicked. It was right. We both knew that. When I decided to marry him - and I proposed BTW, I knew it was right. I knew that if I didnt do that - marry this guy (rather I had to marry him to be with him cause we were both in different countries and I could just visit him to Canada - cause I wouldnt get a freaking visa) I would regret it forever.

I have not regretted marrying him, my only regret is not living in India. I think I will always miss that. There will always be that empty spot in my heart.

I think J knows that. He knows that more than anything I want to move back home. It will always be home for me. It is where my heart is. But I cant just do that. Financially it would be a disaster. So here I am. Which is fine. I think I will move back one day. I think. As long as my sister and my bro are there - I think I will. I want to.

Apples

Yes, this post is about apples.

I realized just now that I like a very specific type of an apple. Here is my criteria:

1) It has to be red. I only eat red apples. I like the green ones but only when they are covered in caramel. Then I will gladly eat the whole thing.... What? Its healthy!

2) It has to small in size. No, not those crab apples. Although I will eat them too. But I like normal apples that are smallish. Just enough for a snack!

3) Thin skinned. I hate apples that have a very thick skin so when you are eating them - the skin becomes pulpy. Its a gross feeling, plus, it makes a funny sound when chewing.

4) Sweet but tart. Yes, it cant be just sweet or just tart - I like a bit of both. In this category, I also hate apples that dont taste like anything. They have taste like apples!

5) Just ripe enough. Obviously, too ripe apples will taste like sweet mulch. As much as I like sweet mulch, I dont like it with my apples. Thank you.

6) Flawless. This is an optional category. Meaning that if it is bruised then I might eat it. Or not. I cant commit to either one but ideally I like my apples not bruised.


Okay, why am I ranting about apples?
B/c they make an ideal breakfast. They can be thrown in the bag - although with not too much force or point #6 might be compromised.
Then you wash them and start biting them (That sounds like a game)

Ideal apples: Gala or Fuji Apples.

BTW - I hate Golden Delicious Apples. They are neither golden nor delicious! WTF?

I have been munching on cookies lately. I've had too many now and am in that phase where anything bad my body craves it.

I know I will go back to a clean diet - but its so easy to fall off the road and just go wild eating anything and everything.

Self control is just so hard - it irritates me!

Anyways, the other day I had some cookies and soft drinks (pop, soda, whatever else you call it) with me and forced the cab (taxi) driver to take some. I hope he enjoyed them.

Definately Not Pregnant

I just got my period. So no babies. I am disappointed - but will live through it.

On the positive side - I can drink Italian wine! Ohhhhh, Italian wine!

I got home last nite and 2 glasses of wine - cause I thought I deserved it and I needed it.

Anyhoo, I had a dream I was walking around half naked in front of my in-laws and uncle.

It was very weird. But then I just saw the Dreamers - so maybe not so much!?

Thats it from me today!

Happy Dream!?

Let me begin by saying that I always have stupid scary dreams. In fact, I rarely have good dreams.

Sometimes my dreams come true. Yes they do, but they are scary so its not a good thing.

Anyways, yesterday I had a happy dream. I remember being happy. Considering everything that is going on and my dream track record I am surprised but happy.

I had a weird dream. So in the dream I am a girl again. Like 14-15 yrs old. And I am with a whole bunch of other teens - in some country, which I later find out is Indonesia. Not scary Indonesia - like super happy, beautiful, peaceful Indonesia. I dont why we are there - just vacation, I guess.

So the dream was long but I remember only some of it.

While on vacation - we are by this water park kind of a thing. Maybe its a resort of some sort, yes I travel in style in my dreams!

I can see water all around with tonnes of mini islands with palm trees. The water is clear and blue! As far as the eye can see we are surrounded by mountains and tall trees. All 360 degrees all I can see is tall mountains and trees. There is slight breeze moving the trees. Its evening and there are no lights - just stars and moon and tonnes of moonlight. The moonlight cascades over the trees, the mountains, it looks silvery on the water. We are warm but not too warm. Just right. It is just a peaceful night!

In the water, there are many tiny boats. Boats big enough for two people. The boats are all colourful. They are red, orange, purple, blue and so on. Many of my friends, none of whom I recognise, but am travelling with, are in these boats. Everyone is laughing and there is chatter all around us.

I am standing on one of the mini islands with a bunch of my friends. Happy. Just Happy. Looking around and taking the view in. Its perfect.

We are talking about getting on the boat and wondering why we are not on one. As we are looking for a boat, one of the guys speaks up saying we should go beyond the mountains in one of these tiny boats. I ask without looking at him, what is beyond those mountains? He says "its even more beautiful there". I say "I didnt know we could go there" and turn around to face him.

Now here is the hilarious part - the guy I am speaking to is Bobby Flay. I dont know why its him but its him. I think he is cute but nothing more than that. I think he is good chef but thats all. Anyway, Bobby Flay is standing there chatting with me. Of course, I realize this in my dream but go on. Remember I am 14-15 in this dream - so I am bit short and now, I am standing on a rock.

Somehow at this point he says "look at the fireworks". I put my arms around him, more to support myself from falling down but also as friends do and turn around to see the fireworks. They were the coolest fireworks I have ever seen! They were like normal fireworks - so something is lit and it goes in the air with lights but once the lights disperse they come in form of animals. Like one of the lights made a dragon and the dragon moves around and throws fire in the sky. Then there were rabbits and more animals but I cant remember them.

I am clearly enjoying myself and feeling so happy and so content.

Then the alarm rang and I had to get up!

So from home to work today - I was trying to figure out what this dream was all about? Maybe it was my happy place. I dont know - but I have never seen it nor imagined it. My happy place is always been a mountain with trees and big field.

The other thing that is been going on - I havent blogged about is that I maybe pregnant. I dont know. I have no symptoms other than missing my period so I guess I have to wait and find out. But I was thinking if being pregnant gives me good dreams - it cant be a bad thing!

It was good though. I dont know what a psychiatrist was say to that dream though!

Oh my God!

I am so over whelmed - its not sane or healthy.

I feel so stressed - I cant take it.

The whole work thing is making me re-evaluate everything.

STOP

Too many things going through my mind right now. Just too many. I am having difficulty processing all of it and putting them in boxes that I can go into and deal with later.

My boss was terminated yesterday and I am still trying to deal with all of that and more.

Its weird being here for various reasons. I just wish I could walk away and figure things out slowly and one by one.

Someday, I will publish the post about how and what I am feeling right now. I cant right now for obvious reasons.

Just want to slow the f@ck down right now.

Brownies

I made brownies while my time off. Man they were too much work!

Next time I will buy them!

I will write a longer post when I have caught up with all the work I need to do.