J got his surgery done for the deviated septum. I went to visit him in the hospital and felt bad for him. His nose was bleeding very bad, which is normal but still.

Anyways he has to spend the night at the hospital, I cant stay with him cause K needs me. But I get to pick him up early in the morning tomorrow.

I have been thinking more and more of calling the postpartum society...I will. I finally got to putting their number on my cell. Its hard but I have to do it. I have to if I want to get out of my head. My head is driving me crazy. I do go to the regular mom and baby meetings at the community centre and even have set up a weekly walk with one of the other moms I met at the community centre. The one hour walk goes a long way. It was nice to know someone else felt the same way as I did. I think its so hard being the person who carries the baby and a fulltime caregiver. Whereas your partner - just has to deal with the non-physical aspects of being a parent. I am still recovering from my delivery, even though its been like 4 months. J will never know what that is like. He doesnt have to - its not part of his world. He can empathize and understand but he will never really know. Its so one sided.