I am hiding from J. Who had a major tantrum cause he doesnt have anything to wear and has to work.
My fault. Not his.
I find myself unable to cope. I keep thinking I should call the postpartum clinic. But I cant. I dont know what to do.
I fear J will think I am a loser and worse, I am overreacting. Nothing is wrong with me. I am looking for some attention. Maybe his parents will think I am not a good mother. Maybe someone I know will think - judge me.
Whatever. I know none of the reasons above justify not calling them. But I am not sure. Maybe I am overreacting. I have been known to do that. Maybe I need to be stronger. Maybe nothing is wrong.
Its just so hard to tell. I fear most of what J will think. I already thinks I didnt want a child. Not true. I have said its wasnt that. I feared the childbirth. I dont think he believes me.
I just wish I could happy pills or something and be done with it. Or maybe get counselling without anyone knowing. How do you do that?
About Me
- Viki
- Female, Brown, Married, Not a student anymore, Moved to Canada from India, Love food, Was allergic to Chocolate, Not anymore, Sarcastic, Hullabaloo is my favourite word! I like British, Australian and Irish accents - particularly on men! Am phobic to creepy crawly-s, Cannot dance to save my life! I have an arch enemy.
2 comments:
Sweetie, you are not a loser...you are a brand new mother, trying to cope with that little bundle of joy that all of a sudden has taken over your life. Call the clinic, or health visiter. Speak to them, you'll find what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Join baby groups to speak to other mums, you'll find you are not alone. Do it hon, cause there is nothing wrong with you, and you need to hear that from others. xxx
Motherhood can be so overwhelming. Your body and mind are exhausted. Babies require so much time and attention. Even though right now J is working and you are staying home, he may still have to pick up some of his own slack. K is helpless...J is not.
But, by all means, if you are desirous of help ask for it and don't feel you have to hide it. EVERYTHING you are feeling is perfectly normal.
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