Staff Meetings

Yes, we all know them and we all have them.

I for one hate them. Because of all the obvious things too but mostly b/c I work with suburban white women. Which means every staff meeting the lunch is either sandwichs - which I dont mind or something more exotic - i.e. sushi.

Freaking goddamn - I hate sushi right now. It costs a buck - what the hell is so exotic and different? You live in Vancouver! You can eat sushi anytime of the day.....Argh!

Moving

Moving is driving me crazy!
It is too much work!
Really I wish I could just leave everything behind and move in and buy all new things.....through catalogues - I hate shopping....

Ahhhhhhhhhh

Balance

There is balance in life.....

I dont like my job - but today I sister found out that she was offered this excellant position....I am on cloud nine today.
I looked in the mirror and I was pink - with happiness.

Life works in wierd ways....but if my sister is happy - I guess I can stop complaining about my job for awhile....

This is good.

Life

Life deals you its blows and you take it. You think that must be it but it is not. Ok, now that is it. No it isnt. Again and again. Over again. You keep taking them till you begin to question - does it ever end? Does it - probably no. Atleast that is what I think.

Life gives you dyslexia - you are like - thats ok. A bit of extra work - nights full of self doubt - extra hard work to understand what 2*2 is - but you think thats fine. Life cant be perfect - you take what you have and make the best of it....?

Err, no. Then it throws crazy parents. You take it. All families are dysfunctional....you take what you have and then you move on.

Then you get the problem of trying to live by with what money your parents make and try your best. Yet, it doesnt end.

You find someone and marry them - hoping maybe that was it and things will be different.

Then you find someone guy who loses his head every five minutes if food is the question.

Then b/c you are a vegetarian - ppl make fu of you, mention this every fucking time they meet you. Your husband being the asshole he is - mentions this everytime a freaking dish involving things other than vegetables goes wrong.....you she is vegetarian - what does she know.....
WELL ATLEAST SHE MAKES YOU WHATEVERY MEAT YOU WANT TO EAT! EVERYTIME. SHE GOES OUT OF HER WAY TO DO THIS. I cant even argue cause I am married to a freaking lawyer and I lose all the time.

And yet....it doesnt end. You get the short end of the stick every fucking time. You find a job and you dont get permanent even though you are doing a great job and everyone says this so...b/c of something going wrong at work.

And now,,,I ask why and no one gives me an answer. No one. How much? How much? How long?

Ok I know this is one too many - but I just had to -

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 31%

Your job is not bad, but it's probably not a long term thing. You're just not happy enough to stick around for too long... And there's little that can change how you feel. Start looking around for other options, but only quit for something really good!

Should You Quit Your Job?

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people. Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others. You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others. You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Cry

I want to cry. Its the job. I don't like it. I have my reasons. Most ppl think I shd be happy to have it at all and I know that. But there are things I don't like about it.

Today my boss walks into my office and asks me to create a newsletter. My description, although non-existent , is mostly to do research/analysis/ writing. Not desk-top publishing. I just have no interest in it. Besides I don't have promise of a job and no pay increase to take this up. I am angry b/c I cant just quit. I have to do this. I need the money but everyday I wake up and I am sad.

Damn not being rich. Damn having to bust your as$ everyday. I hate all the privileged for this reason. They will never have to do this for a measly paycheque. Never to have this feeling. When is my money coming?

On a fairly recent series of emails between 'friends' (here is use the word loosely) there was a discussion on where to go for a b'day celebration. Choice was 2 restaurants. Being thorough I naturally compared the two and sent an email backing my restaurant of choice. Given that I will be paying for heroine's upteenth dinner yet again - I thought I might as well go to a place where I can eat something this time.

[Maybe on a different post sometime in the future I will outline how I think I get totally ripped off everytime anything w/ the heroine is involved! You the kind of person who cheaps out on gifts but expects something spectacular every b'day? She is the one. Anyhoo, I digress...]

So I give my opinion and so does J - cause that is what we do. We are thorough and we actually give a damn where and on whom we are going to spend a billion dollars!

Here is what completely pissed me off - The rest of emails come by saying something to the effect of - oh whatever, I am ok with it. I cant compare cause I never been to these places so and so forth. In other words, completely blah responses. What is w/ ppl and them not wanting to give an opinion? I dont care about the damn restaurants but really - this is every thing in this country! Where are your balls? Seriously!
What is with not wanting to commit and stick w/ it? Why the need to be polite every freaking time? Why?

Talking to myself

I hate my freaking job!!!!!


Breathe...

Remember - student loans, 3 years, two kids (ideally), then school....

Breathe...

It will be alright.

You will do ok. Just ride it out till loans are paid and saved some money! It will be ok.

I my what should I rant about today thoughts - I could not come up with anything....

I always have things to rant about so this is quite concerning. Actually I do have one but it will be an angry rant and will get me all worked up so I am not going to go there.



I do get to go to India though. Yes, I want to celebrate Holi there. Which will be boat loads of fun!
I am only going for like 12 days or something. Believe me if I could go for 3 months I would. But I have earn a living and J's extended family is there - whom I do not want to visit. They suck the life out of me.

So it will be blissful 12 days of arguing with my dad of what a failure I am and how selfish I am. Oh joy!
On the good side - I get to see my mom, my bro and my sis. Which is cool. Cant wait.

As noted before I find accents and super fascinating. (Here is my list of favourite accents and also this).

BTW Woman with an Irish accent = super hot!!! I watch Ronin the other day and the actress in the movie had an irish accent and I thought it was cool.

wtf?

I have anti J's family. Its cause they are the only ones I see and they are really getting on my nerves.

February cant come fast.

Anyways, his parents took off today. Wherever, I dont know and dont really care. The point is they are out. J's grandma was supposed to come over today. She was with her son and will now live with her daughter. She does this frequently - so its not a big deal. Anyway the moving from son's house to daughter's house takes about 8 hrs of driving.

So we knew she was coming. It was only me and J at home. Well, his sis was staying over. Sleeping for her night shift. J and myself were watching TV when the phone rings. I pick up the phone and its his sis. His sis who was sleeping upstairs. She called to say that there was someone at the door.

The fucking nerve. She called from her bed to tell me to open the freaking door. I am so angry I dont even know what to do. Anyways. I am going to lay it out to my mil. Just cause I can. This will be my revenge for the time she called me and complained about my parents for an hour.

I dont forgive poeple bad mouthing my parents that easily. This is going to be good.

Can hardly wait.

So we have finally found a place to move to....

J is already having second thoughts but I like it.
But that's just him. He always overthinks these things. I mean we were nearly on the verge of tears not having found a place. And now we have and he is asking me if I like it. Of course I like it.

Anyhoo, this place is right by the water and is amazing. Will put up pictures when I have them.

Other than that, we are being suckered into going for dinner w/ this family friends of J's parents. It sucks. They including J's parents always talk about how I am a vegetarian. Especially his dad. Every meal I have with him in the room, and I am not exaggerating, every meal he will mention the word vegetarian or non-meat eater. I am getting sick of it. Good thing we are leaving.

Yes, I disappeared for awhile....

I was in Las Vegas - it was awesome!
Its pretty cool - one of the things you should do w/out kids when young....it really was fun!
I didnt gamble much - but did eat a lot, walk around all the casinos and drank a little too much...

But it was fun.

Anyways
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year - or whatever else you call it.....enjoy and have fun.

Irritated

This woman at my work - is doing some sort of drastic weight loss thingy - I actually think it is dangerous.
She was on this diet where she was eating a 1000 calories a day and exercising like a nut. She lost 40 pounds in 2 months. Yes it is not healthy!

Anyways, all she talks about is exercising and losing weight - I feel like slapping her. She is so annoying. All the freaking time she is like oh I just have 18 more pounds to go. No you dont! You know why - cause you are in your 50s and if you lose that much weight you will look freaky!

The funny thing is she looked three times better with the weight than without it.
Arrrrgh! Who cares how much weight you lost!?

There was a storm that hit Vancouver last night. The lights were out at 3 in the morning. The window was being knocked and I was up coughing.

It was kind of cool cause I got shower today in candle light. Cool.


The irritating thing was the in-laws. No, I know this is not a blog about in-laws. You'd think so but that is not my intention.

Anyhow, everyone overslept as the alarm did not go off. The garage would not open - cause it is power operated. We tried opening if manually and it wouldn't. So, of course, we offered to drive them to work. (Yes, right now it does seem like we are the good guys - but wait....). So we shower and get ready. Thinking that getting to work will be a nightmare - J and myself wanted to start early.
I go to get my in-laws to the car and this is the conversation:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In-laws - Oh, let me drink some coffee

Us - Yes, we have your coffee in your travel mug, you can drink it in the car....

In-laws - We just go ready - we need to have our coffee. You are rushing us.

Us - Yes, we have to leave cause we wont get to work in a decent hour. We can drop you off at your work and that will take longer.

In-laws - We have to have our coffee. LEAVE, if you have to. We just got ready.

Us - But.....

In-laws - You are rushing us. We cant have that. LEAVE!

Us - Ummmmm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So now, they are pissed at us because we were rushing them. I get the whole needing to drink your coffee. I get that they are old and set in their ways. Here is what I dont get: if you are late to work - do still need to spend time drinking coffee? I usually just run and hope that my work as my caffeine fix. Especially when I am late.

How is offering a ride to work and getting the coffee ready to go - in any way our fault. Its not.

Arrrghhh! I am tired of their drama.

Need a home

I need a home. I have been feeling blue lately. We have been thinking of moving out for awhile and we are apartment hunting but nothing comes our way.

Literally, all the places we have seen are somehow wrong. Either they are in an ok neighbourhood or they are plain flithy or just ugly.




I am not asking for a lot. I want a place that is clean, that is in a neighbourhood we can live in and is affordable. I mean you would think it would not be that hard.

Damn, I just need to leave the in-laws behind. You would think the universe would be on my side. I mean, I have put my time in, I have sacrificed more than I thought I was capable and you would think that after spending 5 years in the same house - I would be off the list. But no.

Every evening I have to take the bus home I dread. Dont get me wrong. My in-laws are mostly good. My MIL is a drama queen which puts me off every so often but they are good people. I just want a space of my own where I dont have to justify why I am eating my dinner before everyone else has.....

Really, you would think the universe is with me. Not really!

The need to prove.....

That you are not a failure. Does that come out of you or is it forced on you by someone else?

Meaning - does this need come because you think you are a failure or does it come because you think that the world thinks you are a failure?

I get tired just trying to get through the day. Thank god we get to sleep or else I would be dead by now.

I am tired of proving and trying to prove. At times I just dont care.

Example: I have an ok job. Ok because I should have been hired and given my benefits sometime ago. Atleast that is what I think sometimes. At other times I dont think about it too much. Then I think - oh which graduate from university even has a decent job? But I am being pushed. And I dont want to. I want to relax and enjoy sometime. I dont want to think about buying houses and reproducing just yet. But being pushed does that to you.

I want to scream STOP. But I cant. I am tired. It is all my fault. I put myself in this situation now I want it to stop and I cant.

More than anything else I want to use NO. I cant.

Nice

I dont like nice. I hate when people are being nice. Nice is an insult to any thinking human being.

Thats what I hate about being in Canada. People are too nice. Dont be.

Have the balls to say just what you want to say. It will save everyone sometime.

Yes, yes I know that you shouldn't always say what comes in your head but that doesnt mean that you should always be nice. NO

If you dont want something or dont like something - just say so. Dont be nice. Dont insult the intelligence of someone by being all PC. Have you ever thought that maybe you are doing that person a favour?

Use your brain - I mean dont go around telling people you hate them. That is being mean. But atleast say what's on your mind every once in awhile.

Have the courage to say no. Why is no such a hard word to use? Why cant we say no and not be mean - just express what is in our head?

Sick!

I am sick. I have a nasty cold and I feel sleepy and gross....

I dont get colds. I hate this feeling.