I feel down - pregnancy oh the joy!

I am kind of, just kind of, depressed.

I dont know why. I woke up with the blues. I think partially its cause I have to wait for little jubs to be born. I mean, there is not much I can do between now and then, except wait.

I would like to take a trip to Victoria, which is on the island, but really I cant afford it and J doesnt have the time.

So I have to be home bound.

I am also starting to get annoyed by anything and everything my mil does. Not b/c she does outrageous things but b/c that is me. I do this from time to time. I shut myself off. Which I guess is fine sometimes. Right now, I dont know....

What would really do me good is a nice holiday to somewhere sunny. I cant do that and thats irritating the hell out of me.

I would also like a drink. Like with alcohol. Seems like forever since I had a drink and really a nice beer would help. But again cant do that (or I could but it really doesnt seem like worth the risk)

I also saw my midwife yesterday and she mentioned I am borderline diabetic. Like I passed the blood test but just. Like literally, you fail the test if the score is 6.7, I was 6.6.

That is what is bringing me way down. I mean, I am vegetarian - so already my choice of foods are limited. Then to hear this is devastating b/c now I have to eat brown foods. Like brown rice and brown bread and so on. Yea its all healthy but honestly, I freaking hate brown rice. If there is one thing I detest its brown rice. It tastes like bird food. I feel like a bird when I am eating super healthy. Not only am I eating vegetables and fruits (which I do love), I am also eating freaking grainy bread and brown rice. Its the brown rice that is going to break my back. Everything else I can deal with. The grainy bread, though not my favourite, I can deal with.

So I think I am going to continue eating regular rice and fuck the brown rice.

What also gets me down is I normally eat pretty healthy. Yes, I do have slip-ups (and recently there have been more "slip-ups" than I care to remember) but most of the times, I eat healthy. What the high glucose tells me is that despite this eating regiment, my body is not processing sugar very well. That is bad news. I know its the pregnancy that is doing this, as I am pretty vigilant when it comes to blood sugar. I used to get it checked every once a year and I know I am at risk (b/c of being Indian) and know whats in store.

Its just that being pregnant is hard enough without all the dietary restrictions and whatnot.

Besides all of this, the weight gain is starting to hurt. Like literally. I cant walk as much or as fast and that is another downer. I have put on 30 pounds up till now. That seems like more than enough for me. Not b/c I want to look hot, which would be nice but not the point, but b/c my feet are in constant pain. I know its the weight gain as I have eliminated every other suspect.

Okay, I could go on, but you get the picture. I will get through this but I think today is complete write-off. I am going to go, sulk....